In the cradle of life, where fate has its start, A soul finds its path, written deep in the heart.. Through the joys and the trials, in the echoes of play, Each step marked a story, each moment, each day. A heart full of wonder, a mind ever keen, Navigating a world both vivid and serene. From childhood’s embrace to adolescence’s call, You danced through the phases, through rise and fall. With the weight of the world, and dreams taking flight, In the canvas of life, you painted your light. Through classrooms and corridors, wisdom was sought, In books and in knowledge, your battles were fought. In the realm of working, where hours stretched long, A voice in the chorus, singing your own song. Yet, within the turmoil, a tempest unseen, A journey through struggles, a fierce routine. From a love that was tender, to a heart that was tried, In the midst of the storm, you stood undenied. The bonds of affection, though frayed and torn, Still carried a hope, like a rose freshly born. With the ebb and the flow of a life lived in stride, You faced each challenge with courage and pride. Through losses and heartaches, the echoes of grief, You found strength in your sorrow, a moment of relief. Now standing in time’s light, with stories to share, A life rich in depth, in wisdom and care. Though the path has been rugged, with hurdles and bends, It’s a journey of growth, where hope never ends. So here’s to the future, with its promise and grace, To a life that’s been lived with courage to face. In  the chapters unwritten, in the dreams yet to weave, May you find peace and joy in all you believe.                                                                  —A tribute by ChatGPT

You can show support by reading my books available free on Kindle Unlimited. Your support can make a huge difference in my life. Secretly Screaming Childhood Sexual Abuse Private Pain Mental Illness Love and Heartache Stellar Insights: A Celestial Journey of Self-Discovery You can also click on my name Linda Milam Brown to go to my author's page on Amazon.com or search my book titles on your local Amazon site! Thank you for your time, compassion and generosity.

I have struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. I have attempted suicide five times. I share this because I am not ashamed—they are facts of my life. I hold a Bachelor of Science degree in Sociology, and Émile Durkheim’s work on suicide has always resonated with me. He did not treat suicide as just a mental illness or personal weakness. He examined it as a social issue—something that can be explained by how connected or disconnected someone is from their community. A few years ago, I changed my Twitch name to disconnexion—after feeling suicidal and extremely disconnected from the world. People often claim that suicide is selfish. I believe it is equally selfish to demand that someone continue living a life they no longer want. The tension between societal expectations and private suffering, is central to understanding suicide not just psychologically, but sociologically. Suicide is important to discuss and this article is meant to be informative and educational, not persuasive. “Each society is predisposed to generate a certain quantity of voluntary deaths.” Émile Durkheim was a pioneering sociologist who studied suicide extensively. His 1897 work "Le Suicide"   is one of the earliest sociological texts. Durkheim's work emphasizes the crucial role of social connections and belongingness in protecting individuals from suicidal tendencies. Durkheim's Theory of Suicide:  Social Integration and Suicide: Durkheim argued that suicide is not solely a result of individual psychological problems, but also influenced by social factors. He theorized that the degree to which an individual is integrated into a social group or society affects their likelihood of committing suicide. Types of Suicide: Based on the level of social integration and social regulation, Durkheim categorized suicide into four types. Egoistic suicide: Results from a lack of social integration, leading to feelings of isolation and meaninglessness. Altruistic suicide: Occurs when an individual is too integrated into a group and may sacrifice their life for the group's benefit. Anomic suicide: Arises from a state of normlessness or social disintegration, where individuals feel disconnected from societal norms and values. Fatalistic suicide: Happens when a person is excessively regulated and oppressed by societal rules.  Egoistic Suicide “The more strongly someone is integrated into a group, the less likely he is to commit suicide.” Durkheim's concept of egoistic suicide suggests low social integration is linked to an increased risk of suicide. This can be seen in individuals who feel isolated, misunderstood, or cut off from meaningful social ties. These are often people who lack strong family bonds, community involvement, or shared purpose with others. You might hear descriptions like “he was a loner,” or “she never really connected with anyone.” An example could be a man who lives alone, has no close relationships, and feels like he does not belong anywhere. He may go through life unnoticed, and over time, that deep sense of disconnection leads to hopelessness. Egoistic suicide is often more common in societies or environments where individualism is strong, and collective support is weak. Altruistic Suicide “In societies where the individual is completely absorbed in the group, he is almost without personal existence and ready to renounce it whenever the collective interest requires it.” Altruistic suicide happens when an individual is too integrated into a group—where the group’s needs and values overpower the individual’s own life or desires. These people may believe their death is a duty or sacrifice for the greater good. A clear example is seen in religious cults, where group members are convinced to take their own lives as an act of loyalty. The Heaven’s Gate cult in 1997 is one such case. Members believed they would ascend to a higher existence by dying together. In this type of suicide, you do not hear “he was a loner,” but rather, “he was completely devoted to the group.” In Durkheim’s terms, this extreme integration erases personal identity in favor of group belonging. Anomic Suicide “Anomic suicide... occurs when the bounds of the social order are broken, and one’s passions are let loose without sufficient regulation.” Anomic suicide stems from instability—especially during times of sudden change or breakdown in social norms. People may feel lost when societal structures that once gave their life meaning collapse. This can happen after job loss, divorce, bankruptcy, or dramatic cultural shifts. An example would be a successful businessman who suddenly loses everything in an economic crash. With no clear rules to follow anymore and no stable identity left, he may feel there is no place for him in the new reality. Durkheim viewed this type of suicide as common in rapidly changing societies where the old rules vanish, but nothing reliable replaces them. Fatalistic Suicide “Fatalistic suicide is committed by persons with futures pitilessly blocked and passions violently choked by oppressive discipline.” Fatalistic suicide occurs when a person is under extreme social regulation—their life is tightly controlled, leaving no room for hope, freedom, or personal expression. These are situations where people feel trapped, like prisoners or slaves to a system. Examples can include individuals in long-term incarceration, those in severely abusive relationships, or victims of extreme authoritarian regimes. You might hear someone describe this as “there was no way out” or “their life was already over in every other way.” This type is the opposite of anomic suicide—where chaos reigns—because here, the problem is too much order, too many constraints. The Allure of Suicide “One cannot long remain so absorbed in contemplation of emptiness without being increasingly attracted to it. In vain one bestows on it the name of infinity; this does not change its nature. When one feels such pleasure in non‑existence, one’s inclination can be completely satisfied only by completely ceasing to exist.” This excerpt reflects Durkheim's idea that when someone dwells deeply on the concept or allure of emptiness or non-existence, it becomes a stronger temptation—described almost like a seductive ideology. In other words, long-term contemplation of suicide can actually draw someone toward it. Some who know me may wonder if this is why I have dealt with suicide for the last fifty years. I can say it is not—I do not dwell on death, the thought often appears randomly without warning or any obvious cause . Conclusion Durkheim gave structure to something that often feels unexplainable. He showed that suicide is not always rooted in personal weakness or mental illness, but often shaped by the social world around us. His four categories—egoistic, altruistic, anomic, and fatalistic—offer a framework that still applies today. Whether someone is isolated, consumed by group identity, unanchored, or over-controlled, the social impact of suicide is real. My own experiences have crossed into more than one of these categories. Maybe that is part of why I relate to Durkheim’s work. Talking about suicide is not easy, but it is necessary. Silence can be deadly—be the voice that saves someone's life. Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Expand for Lyrics Always Almost Enough Some days, my mind drifts. Not to one person, but to several. Different men, different memories — some kind, some confusing. All meaningful in their own way. I think of the one who made me laugh. The one who challenged my thinking. The one who said sweet things but disappeared. The one who stayed too long but never stepped forward. Each left something behind — a smile, a scar, or a what-if. I wasn’t the person they chose to hold onto. Not in the long run. Not for real. I’m not angry. Just wondering why I am always almost enough. But no one ever chose me. Not really. Not fully. You sang to me like it meant something, like the chords were written just for me. I believed in the way your voice softened when you said my name. We talked for hours, about life, the world, nothing at all. I brought my mind, you brought surprise and sweetness. Sometimes the distance was a quiet killer. So close in thought, so far in everything else. You joked when I needed answers, and I didn’t always get the joke. We laughed a lot. We dreamed, flirted, questioned, wondered. I hurt you with an analogy, and quotes, I wouldn't stop the quotes. It is how I can make sense of the thoughts in my head. I’m not angry. Just wondering why I am always almost enough. But no one ever chose me. Not really. Not fully. I spent time with someone who is now gone from this earth. We knew each other in ways you can't explain to anyone else. But it still wasn't enough. I was too different. Too deep, too curious, too much. Or maybe not enough for anyone to stay. One had charm and softness, but a life too different from my own. Another always made me feel wanted, desired, but age does matter, combined with distance. I’m not angry. Just wondering why I am always almost enough. But no one ever chose me. Not really. Not fully. Dear God. I’m not angry. Just wondering why I am always almost enough. I recently wrote the lyrics to a song called Always Almost Enough . The words came from a place deep in my heart—one of those quiet aches that does not go away easily. I used Suno, an AI-powered music tool that lets you turn written lyrics into full songs with vocals and production. It is surprisingly intuitive and gives people like me—who write from the heart, but can't hold a tune—a way to hear those feelings come to life. There’s a certain kind of silence that comes with being almost enough. Not rejected in a loud way—just quietly passed over. Again and again. You were not the worst. You were not the best. You were meaningful, memorable even. Just not chosen. Sometimes they stayed a while. Sometimes they said all the right things. But in the end, they did not stay. Not fully. Not really. It makes you wonder what exactly was missing. Too much? Too different? Too intense? Or maybe not quite enough of whatever it is people are looking for. You may have even been truly sincere, when sincerity was far from their intention. You become someone’s good memory, a once-loved voice in their inbox or call log, But not someone’s person. Not the one they build with, stay with, fight for. It is not bitterness. It is that lingering ache that sits with you quietly. Not loud, not sharp. Just steady. The hardest part is not being alone. If you love yourself, you do not mind being alone. It is knowing you were almost something real. That you mattered—but not quite enough to be the one they held onto. And after a while, you stop asking to be loved loudly. You just hope to be enough for someone one day. Maybe I was never fully chosen, even in my marriage—but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t worth choosing. If they could not see that, or did not value me, that is not my failure to carry. I always care deeply, and I do not ever regret it. What I give is honesty, always. They may not have chosen me, but that doesn’t change who I am.

4 July 2025 Update I only went out for 2 minutes yesterday—enough to check mail. My streak ended at 305 days outside for 30 minutes without fail. Today I failed. I could tell you because a storm suddenly came up and once again took out my ethernet adapter, and I got distracted. This is true. However, in over 300 days, I do not feel any less trapped inside my mind. I decided to take down the timer because it is pointless. Even though I did not reach the ultimate goal, freedom from this virtual prison, I am proud of my accomplishment. I will continue going outside, but I do not plan to keep track of my daily progress. Micah 7:8 (NIV) "Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light." 4 March 2025 Update It has been six months since I started Faith Beyond the Door. This goal requires me to go outside every day by 8:00 PM for at least 30 minutes without fail. Even after half a year, it remains a mental challenge, which is why I will continue to track my progress. Image of 184 consecutive days outside I have recently noticed when I need to go somewhere or do something in my yard, such as weeding, I am now usually able to go without thinking about it for hours. However, having a set goal ensures that I step outside even when there is no immediate reason to do so. I still have the feeling if I stay in one day, it will turn into two, then three days. Setting reasonable goals is an effective way to accomplish any task. Keeping the countdown timer visible not only reminds me and others of my commitment, but also holds me accountable. Seeing my progress reinforces my determination to keep going. I wish I had a better understanding of why this is such a huge struggle for me. At some point, I would like to build on this goal. My hope is to walk around the neighborhood for those 30 minutes at least three days a week. Right now, I cannot even get the courage to walk to the end of the street, which is just two houses away. However, I have now mastered crossing the street to get my mail a few times a month! I can already feel eyes rolling and head shaking, but unless you live it, you do not know! It is difficult to imagine pushing beyond what already feels like a challenge, but I know progress happens in small steps. Walking around the neighborhood feels impossible at the moment, but so did going outside every day when I first started. For now, simply stepping outside each day is enough. If at some point I am able to expand my comfort zone even further, I will change the title of the timer—Faith Beyond My Street! Psalm 140:4 "Keep me safe, Lord, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from the violent, who devise ways to trip my feet." click to listen to or read original post—Faith Beyond the Door: Going Outside September 2024 As many of you may have noticed, I have a timer on my homepage that tracks my days spent outside. You might wonder why this is such a significant part of my blog. For years, leaving my house has been an issue for me due to anxiety, and I have committed to confronting this challenge head-on. This post is meant to explain the importance of going outside, not just for my mental health, but as a vital step towards reclaiming my freedom and well-being. Each tick of the timer represents not just the time spent outdoors, but my ongoing commitment to overcoming barriers that hold me back. For years, stepping outside has been one of my biggest struggles, next to calling people on the phone. Many people don’t understand just how debilitating both experiences can be. Anxiety has kept me confined within my walls, and the thought of facing the world outside has often felt insurmountable. But lately, I have been challenging that part of my anxiety. I have committed to going outside every single  day, 30 minutes or more, and  today I thought about the tremendous pressure I feel when I am outside and what is going to keep me going. I realized I focus on intrinsic rewards to motivate myself. Focusing on intrinsic rewards, those that arise from within rather than from external sources, has significantly enhanced my motivation and led to greater fulfillment in my life. When I find joy and satisfaction in the activity itself, I cultivate a sustainable form of engagement that encourages me to continue pursuing my goals even without external validation. This internal motivation contributes to my overall well-being, as engaging in activities that align with my values reduces stress and fosters a sense of peace Additionally, prioritizing intrinsic rewards promotes my resilience and creativity. When I have a strong connection to my motivations, I can better cope with challenges while also encouraging exploration and experimentation. This approach enhances my learning and retention, as I engage deeply with the material or activities that resonate with me. Intrinsic rewards enable me to foster authentic relationships, connecting with others who share my interests and values, ultimately leading to a more meaningful and enriched life. Despite bittersweet memories, I am determined to keep pushing through—even if I have to do it alone. I know that God has a plan for me, and it will come to be in His time. Each day, I wrestle with the overwhelming urge to stay indoors. For me, defying the temptation to stay inside feels like it would be the same mental pressure an alcoholic feels avoiding a drink or a smoker resisting the urge to light up. Even after two months, each day, the mental pull to stay inside feels as intense as ever. Facing that pressure when I go outdoors is a constant struggle, and even though I keep pushing myself, it does not get easier. Counting my days and holding myself accountable in this way keeps me grounded enough to go out again the next day. This journey can feel isolating because I am concerned well-meaning people will try to ease my struggle by saying things like, "Don’t worry, you don’t have to go out today" or "It's raining, just stay inside today" This makes it difficult for me to share my thoughts with others, as some days I feel overwhelmed and just want to voice my frustrations, not avoid the task. While their intentions may be encouraging, it feels discouraging, as if they doubt my ability to succeed. I need encouragement to go outside and support in pushing through, especially when it feels daunting. I want to continue to go outside each day until the time comes when I don't give going outside a second thought. I understand spending time outdoors offers numerous benefits for both mental and physical health. Exposure to sunlight can enhance mood by boosting serotonin levels, which helps combat feelings of depression. Being in nature has also been shown to stimulate creativity and improve problem-solving skills. Additionally, outdoor activities promote physical fitness, increase vitamin D levels, and contribute to overall well-being. The calming effect of nature can significantly reduce stress and encourage relaxation. Regular exposure to natural light helps regulate sleep patterns, leading to better quality rest. Moreover, outdoor experiences can enhance concentration and attention span, while providing opportunities for social interaction and connection with others. Ultimately, engaging with the natural world fosters a sense of belonging and appreciation for the environment, making it a vital part of a healthy lifestyle. Whether I am pulling weeds, taking in the beauty of nature, or just sitting quietly outdoors, I battle with a constant wave of intrusive thoughts: "You should be inside. This is pointless. No one cares. " Currently, I am doing well enough to care for myself, even if it matters to no one else. I cannot tell you how much it means to have even that small measure of freedom. I am not necessarily reaping many of the supposed benefits, but I hope my going outside leads to me exploring not only this community, but the world. I welcome your prayers and encouragement. Each day is a new chance to step beyond my fears, and someday, I hope going outside will be as natural as breathing. 2 Timothy 1:7 "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."

I am agnostic. That does not mean I do not believe in God—it means I acknowledge that I cannot know for sure. I have faith, but I also admit that there is no clear, definitive proof. I simply live with the understanding that some things may be true even if they cannot be proven. I believe in God, but I do not pretend to have all the answers. I want to make it clear—I believe in God, but I do not know whether or not God exists. Right now, many families in Texas are grieving after devastating floods. Children and adults are missing. Lives have been lost. If prayer offers even a small piece of strength to those families or anyone else affected, it is not useless. It matters. I see many social media posts with prayers. I also see direct replies about God not existing. I do not understand why people have the need to make those type of comments. It really is confusing why some people feel the need to declare, loudly and often, that God does not exist—especially during times of crisis and tragedy. It is like there is a fire raging, and people are trying to put it out with a water hose. But then others are standing by and saying, “That water hose doesn’t have enough pressure. It won’t help.” Who cares? The fire is still there. The water is still flowing. The effort to help is real and matters. Whether or not someone believes the hose has enough pressure is irrelevant; the people are helping the best way they can. When you only offer criticism, you offer nothing. If you cannot be helpful—just keep moving. The fire and hose analogy makes sense to me. Praying is sometimes all you can do to help. Maybe some find prayer useless, but it is not hurting anyone if someone wants to pray. Faith is about trusting in something far beyond what you can see or measure. It is about holding onto hope, even if everything seems broken or unfair. You can have faith without having all the answers. Prayer is about faith in God. When you pray, you know that He is listening, and that He can act—even if you do not see immediate results. When people insist God does not exist, it often comes from a place of anger, pain, or fear. They want to lash out because they do not understand or something has hurt them. Their denial does not erase what many others, including myself, live by every day—the experience of God’s presence, strength, and mercy. Even in silence, even in pain, I pray because I have faith He is still there and my words matter to Him. To me, it makes no sense to attack someone that is offering comfort and help to those in need. If you do not believe, that is your choice. I do not understand why you chose to tear down what gives others peace and hope. It is your free will if you genuinely believe God does not exist, but it adds nothing to the conversation to offer your opinion. That is the point of this post. I am not trying to convince anyone to believe in God—although it costs nothing. I am just asking for basic decency. If you do not believe, keep scrolling. Let people pray. Let people find comfort in what brings them strength. Not everything needs your comment. Maybe next time you see a post with prayers, you will think twice before trying to tear it down. Just let people grieve, hope, or believe in peace. Prayers for everyone affected by the floods in Texas and other devastating events. 🙏 Ecclesiastes 11:5 “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

You wait with anticipation, fingers hovering over buttons that allow you to replay, skip, or pause moments—record, rewind, fast forward, play, stop, pause. These simple controls, familiar on tape recorders and other devices, are more than just functions of a machine. They symbolize the way you move through life, the choices you make, and the moments you hold on to or let slip away. You can rewind to relive a memory, pause to catch your breath, or fast forward by avoiding things that could unexpectedly bring you joy. When I was updating my countdown timer, I wanted to add a new thought provoking phrase. After a few hours of searching for the right words, I came across these icons which represent buttons, realizing how much they reflect the way I think about life. Each button carries meaning beyond its function, serving as a prompt for how to approach the past, present, and future. So, I decided to write this post—not just about buttons, but about the choices they represent and how they mirror the way people live their lives. Record : Recording is about capturing the moment and creating timeless memories that will stay with you—reminders of where you have been and who you have become. It is the act of leaving a mark or legacy, something tangible to reflect upon when time moves forward. By hitting record, you are capturing the moments that matter to you. Just as people today are constantly seeking to uncover the past, future generations will likely continue the search, looking back to understand our present lives. Rewind : You might look back on the past to seek understanding, closure or to fondly reminisce. Going back could provide comfort, laughter, insight, and sometimes sorrow. Pressing rewind might offer lessons that can help you begin anew. Although you cannot undo the past, you can learn from it and handle things differently going forward. Each time you rewind, you uncover forgotten moments of growth, gratitude, and joy that help you approach life with renewed optimism and clarity. Fast Forward : The desire to rush ahead can be tempting, especially when you are impatient or excited for the future. However, fast-forwarding can lead you to miss out on the present moment—where life is truly happening. It is like skipping chapters in a book—you miss the important details and character growth that shape the story, The ending will be less meaningful. In life, the journey is as important as the destination. Play : Pressing play is about embracing the present moment. It is about living fully in the here and now, appreciating the current phase of life. It is a reminder that the most powerful part of time is what you are doing with it in the moment. It is about being where you are, not where you wish to be, or where you were before. Don't just watch life happen. Be an active participant—engage, take risks, and embrace every moment. Stop : Hitting the stop button signifies a desire to bring things to an abrupt standstill—no more movement, no more forward progress. It is a decision to completely halt the flow of life. But even when you stop, it does not mean it is over forever. The stop button does not lock you into an ending; it simply terminates the journey with no potential for growth or renewal. The good news is you have the option to choose when or how to start again. Pause : Pausing allows you to reflect, recharge, and gain perspective. It is not about stopping time, but about taking a breather to gather your thoughts to better understand yourself or a situation. Pausing gives you the space to listen to your inner voice, ensuring that when you resume, you do so with purpose and direction. Allow yourself a moment to find peace and gain clarity before moving forward. When you take it off pause, don’t hesitate—move forward with focus, intention and confidence. Conclusion Life is a series of options—each one like pressing a button on a tape recorder. Whether it is cherishing the past, rushing ahead, or fully embracing the present, every action shapes who you are and the life you live. Each button is a powerful metaphor for how you use the time you have left, and each choice invites you to think about your own life and the choices you make. Every decision is an opportunity to redefine your path, steering you in the direction you want to go—leading to the life you want to experience. The buttons you figuratively press as you move through life, firmly guide you in different ways—toward reflection, growth, change and sometimes even stagnation. Time moves forward, whether you are actively involved or not, but how you choose to interact with life is yours to decide. With every step, you carve out your future by deciding whether to revisit the past, stay where you are or break new ground. The next step is yours to take and it is time to stop wondering. Don’t overthink it—just press play! Job 26:3 "What advice you have offered to one without wisdom! And what great insight you have displayed!"

Last week, I called my mortgage company to ask about a personal matter—nothing unusual, just a standard inquiry in order to plan ahead. As part of the conversation, I authorized a credit check with the person I called. I did not request quotes from outside companies, and I certainly did not give permission for my information to be shared. But within seconds of the credit check, I started receiving a wave of spam calls, texts, and emails. These were not random robocalls. They are highly targeted, coming from mortgage-related companies, lenders, and “follow-up” services I never contacted or gave permission to reach out. They are “loan specialists,” and companies acting like they know my situation. They do not take hints like blocking their number or telling them not interested. They just use a different number. They are ruthless, mean, and arrogant. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, and telephone calls are one of the things that trigger it the most. Even under normal circumstances, making and receiving phone calls can cause physical tension, racing thoughts, and emotional distress. It is not just a dislike of phones—it is a real, clinical reaction. When I start getting flooded with unexpected calls from strangers or companies I did not contact, it creates a constant state of unease. I cannot relax. I am always bracing for the next ring, the next unknown number, the next disruption. It is not just inconvenient—it is harmful to my mental health. Let me be clear: I did not contact them. I did not ask for their help. I did not authorize anyone to pass my information around. Yet, here I am, bombarded with unwanted outreach from sources I never contacted. People keep pushing, and I hold it in as long as I can. My tolerance has limits others do not always understand. When it builds up too much, something snaps. When I reach that point, I have already spent so much energy trying not to react. I start swearing, yelling, saying things I normally would not say—I lose control. Once that switch flips, my brain is flooded and I cannot shut it off. I am overwhelmed, cornered, and I try to express myself the only way I can in that moment. It comes from not being heard—for way too long. I have previously taken steps to stop these calls: Opted out of pre-screened credit offers. Reviewed and restricted every marketing setting I could find. Requested full deletion of personal data from credit platforms. Registered with the Do Not Call Registry. But the calls continue. When life is already stressful—emotionally, financially, mentally—this constant intrusion is more than a nuisance. It is disruptive. It is draining. It is one more thing I did not ask for and cannot afford to waste energy on. I did not give out my information. I did not ask for quotes. I did not opt in to anything. All I did was make one legitimate call. I am sharing this because I am feeling entrapped and intrusive thoughts are taking over. People need to understand how quickly and quietly their data can be shared. Even when you believe you are being careful—even when you are only talking to one company. If you are feeling overwhelmed by things that are out of your control—you are not alone. This practice should not be normal. It needs to stop. I already live with constant emotional strain, but this situation has pushed me further than I can handle. It may sound dramatic to some, but the truth is—I am exhausted, and this constant stress is making me feel like I do not want to exist anymore. I am tired of feeling hunted, ignored, and overwhelmed. I did not ask for this. I reached out for help, and in addition to the help I received, I was thrown into a mess that is affecting my mental health in ways I can no longer keep bottled up. I just want peace—and right now, that feels impossibly far away. Update: After 100s of calls, I created a voice recording using a website called Narakeet. I just play it on repeat. The calls have finally slowed, but not stopped. Psalm 142:6 "Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me."

Learning a new language can open up a world of possibilities. If you've ever dreamt of mastering a beautiful and melodic language that has deep historical roots, influences culture worldwide, and is spoken in various regions, then Italian might just be the perfect choice for you. Let's dive into the unique features, cultural influence, and practical use of Italian to help you embark on this linguistic journey. Unique Features of Italian Italian is often described as a musical language, known for its expressive intonation and rhythmic cadence. One unique aspect of Italian is its pronunciation, where words are pronounced as they are written, making it relatively easy for beginners to grasp. The language also boasts a rich vocabulary, with many words having deep ties to art, music, and cuisine, reflecting Italy's cultural heritage. Geographic Reach and Cultural Influence Italian is more than just a language; it is a symbol of art, fashion, and exquisite cuisine. With over 85 million speakers worldwide, Italian is not just confined to Italy but also spoken in parts of Switzerland, Croatia, and even the United States. Italian's influence on culture is undeniable, with Italian art, literature, and music shaping the cultural landscape of Europe and beyond. By learning Italian, you gain access to a world of Renaissance masterpieces, operatic beauty, and culinary delights. Historical Roots and Difficulty Level Italian has a rich history that dates back to ancient Rome. Its evolution from Latin to the current form showcases a deep-rooted linguistic heritage. While Italian grammar may seem daunting at first, its logical structure and consistent rules make it a rewarding language to learn. For language learners, the difficulty level of Italian falls in the moderate range. The alphabet is similar to English, with a few additional letters, and the pronunciation is phonetic, making it easier to read and speak compared to other languages. Common Difficulties and Practical Use One common difficulty learners face is mastering Italian grammar, particularly verb conjugations and gendered nouns. However, with practice and patience, these challenges can be overcome. Another hurdle can be the pronunciation of certain sounds unique to Italian, such as the rolled "r." The practical use of Italian extends far beyond tourism. With Italy being a major economic hub and a leader in various industries, knowledge of Italian can open up career opportunities in fashion, design, culinary arts, and more. Additionally, speaking Italian can enhance travel experiences, fostering connections with locals and immersing you in the rich tapestry of Italian culture. Embark on your language learning journey and explore the enchanted world of Italian. From ordering a cappuccino in a Venetian café to discussing Renaissance art in Florence, your newfound language skills will enrich your life in countless ways. So, take the leap, delve into the melodious realm of Italian, and watch as the language weaves its charm around you. Buona fortuna! (Good luck!) Remember, language learning is about more than just words; it's a gateway to understanding different cultures and expanding your worldview. Start your Italian journey today and let the language of love and culture transport you to new horizons. Ciao for now! A Few Basic Phrases In this section, you'll find some essential phrases to help you get started in each language. Whether you're meeting someone new or simply navigating daily conversations, these expressions are key to connecting with others. Take a look, and start practicing these handy phrases! Italian Mi chiamo Abbye! Come ti chiami? My name is Abbye! What is your name? Piacere di conoscerti! Nice to meet you! Come stai? Sto bene! How are you? I'm doing well! Non capisco. I don’t understand. Che ora è? What time is it? More Resources Duolingo A popular app for learning languages through interactive exercises and games. duolingo.com Pricing: Free with ads; Duolingo Plus available for $6.99/month (ad-free and additional features). Platform: Available on PC, iOS, and Android. Details: Offers a gamified learning experience with bite-sized lessons in multiple languages. It includes speaking, listening, and writing exercises. Languages Offered: Over 30 languages, including Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Arabic, and more. Babbel Offers courses designed by language experts, focusing on conversation skills. babbel.com Pricing: Subscription model—$12.95/month; discounts for longer subscriptions (e.g., $83.40 for 12 months). Platform: Available on PC, iOS, and Android. Details: Focuses on conversational skills with practical dialogues. Each lesson is about 10-15 minutes long, and content is tailored to your learning level. Languages Offered: 14 languages, including Spanish, French, German, Italian, Dutch, Portuguese, and Swedish. Memrise Uses spaced repetition and gamification to help you learn vocabulary effectively. memrise.com Pricing: Free version available; Pro version for $8.99/month (offers additional features and offline access). Platform: Available on PC, iOS, and Android. Details: Uses spaced repetition and fun games to teach vocabulary. The Pro version includes video clips of native speakers and personalized learning paths. Languages Offered: Over 16 languages, including Spanish, French, German, Japanese, Chinese, Italian, and more. Busuu Connects learners with native speakers for practice and feedback. busuu.com Pricing: Free version available; Premium for $9.99/month (or $69.96/year) which includes grammar and vocabulary exercises. Platform: Available on PC, iOS, and Android. Details: Offers interactive language courses with a focus on writing and speaking practice with feedback from native speakers. Languages Offered: 12 languages, including Spanish, French, German, Italian, Russian, Chinese, and more. Tandem A language exchange app that connects you with native speakers around the world. tandem.net Pricing: Free to use; Tandem Pro for $6.99/month, which offers additional features like unlimited translations. Platform: Available on iOS and Android. Details: Connects you with language partners worldwide for text, audio, and video chats. Great for practicing conversation skills. Languages Offered: Supports over 300 languages through language exchange with native speakers. Lingoda Offers online language classes with professional teachers. lingoda.com Pricing: Subscription model—prices vary based on the number of classes (e.g., €89/month for unlimited classes). Platform: Available on PC and mobile (via web app). Details: Provides structured classes with certified teachers. Focuses on speaking, grammar, and vocabulary. Languages Offered: English, Spanish, French, German, and Business English. Pimsleur Audio-based language learning programs focused on conversation skills. pimsleur.com Pricing: One-time purchase for courses (e.g., $119.95 for a full level). Subscription options are also available. Platform: Available on PC, iOS, and Android. Details: Audio-based language learning focusing on conversational skills. Each lesson is about 30 minutes, designed for auditory learners. Languages Offered: 50+ languages, including Spanish, French, German, Italian, Mandarin Chinese, Russian, and more. italki A platform to find language tutors for personalized lessons. italki.com Pricing: Pay-per-lesson; prices vary based on the tutor (average $10-30 per hour). Platform: Available on PC, iOS, and Android. Details: Connects you with language tutors for personalized lessons. You can choose based on tutor ratings, languages, and lesson focus. Languages Offered: Supports a wide range of languages, including Spanish, French, German, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, and many others. Additional Information: Community Features: Many of these platforms have community features where learners can interact, share experiences, and practice together. Mobile Apps: Most resources offer mobile apps for learning on the go. Trial Options: Some platforms offer free trials or sample lessons, allowing users to test them before committing.

I was watching a stream recently where a major kerfuffle was being discussed. In the middle of all the chaos, someone mentioned that having an opinion does not change the facts. As soon as I heard it, the words immediately resonated with me. So much so that I stopped my WalkFit exercise routine and quickly typed up a few notes before I forgot the line completely. It was one of those moments where one line sparked a myriad of thoughts in my mind. I knew I had to write a post about opinions and facts—I just was not sure the direction it was going to go in or if I had enough to say about it. "The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." — Proverbs 4:7 You can have an opinion about the facts, but your opinion cannot replace the facts. Facts stand alone, whether you agree with them or not. Your personal feelings about the facts do not change their existence. Facts are objective. They do not shift because you like them, dislike them, agree with them, or wish they were different. Your emotions, no matter how intense, cannot bend reality. You might think the facts are unfair, upsetting, or even unbelievable, but the facts remain the facts. “We can do nothing against the truth, but only for the truth.”  — 2 Corinthians 13:8 It is natural for people to use logic, intuition, and speculation to try to understand a situation. Many people confuse the strength of their opinion with the strength of their position. You may think that because you have reasoned through something with logic, or because your intuition tells you something feels right, that it becomes a fact. It does not. Logic and intuition are tools you use to form judgments, but they are not guarantees of truth. You must understand that until your logic or your intuition is verified by real evidence, they remain possibilities, not facts. “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”  — Proverbs 12:15 People often speculate when they do not have all the information. They guess. They theorize. They fill in the blanks with what seems reasonable to them. There is nothing inherently wrong with speculation if you recognize it for what it is: an idea, a theory, a guess. It becomes a problem when you begin to treat speculation as fact. The issue becomes even greater when others unknowingly accept your speculation as fact. “The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.”  — Proverbs 14:1 Everyone brings their own experiences and perspectives when looking at a situation. You may feel very strongly that your interpretation is correct. You may even have strong logical reasons for why you think you are right. It may happen because you paid close attention. It may happen because you recognized patterns. It may even happen by chance. Still, feeling certain does not make something factual. Evidence is what confirms a fact, not personal certainty. “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”  — John 7:24 Sometimes, your theory will be proven correct. Sometimes, you will find out that you understood the situation accurately before all the facts came out. That can happen. But it does not change the truth that until there was proof, your theory was still a theory. That moment of being proven right after the fact does not change the truth that your idea was not a fact until it was verified. Being right by accident or being right through intuition does not mean you can skip the step where something becomes confirmed. “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.”  — Proverbs 18:17 Sometimes, people confuse believing something deeply with something actually being true. It is important for you to step back and ask yourself if what you believe has been proven, or if it is still just a belief. Facts deserve respect, even if they challenge your ideas. Ignoring facts in favor of personal narratives does not make your narrative stronger; it just distances you from reality. “Test all things; hold fast what is good.”  — 1 Thessalonians 5:21 You must be disciplined in how you handle facts and opinions. Facts are stubborn. They do not need your approval. You cannot edit reality based on what you would prefer to believe. You cannot force other people to accept your interpretation of a situation if you do not have the facts to support it. If you want to be honest with yourself and with others, you must keep a clear line between what is proven and what is assumed. “An honest witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies.”  — Proverbs 14:5 If you want to be a person who respects truth, you need to accept that not everything you believe will be accurate. Some of your strongest feelings will turn out to be wrong. Some of your most logical arguments will not hold up under real scrutiny. Some of your guesses will be completely off base. That does not make you foolish. It makes you human. What matters is whether you are willing to separate what you think from what you know. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”  — Jeremiah 17:9 A healthy mind knows how to hold both things at once: a strong belief in something, and an understanding that belief is not evidence. A healthy mind welcomes evidence, even if it proves your personal assumptions wrong. You are not weaker for adjusting your view when faced with facts. You are wiser. You are more trustworthy. If you cannot distinguish between your beliefs and the facts, then you are not in a position of strength, no matter how forcefully you present yourself. No matter how convincing you are, no matter how passionate you are, truth will either confirm you or expose you. “Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.”  — Proverbs 15:31 The more you discipline yourself in this area, the more trustworthy you become. If you are careful to say, "This is my opinion," when you do not have the facts, you show integrity. If you are willing to admit, "I do not know," when evidence is missing, you show wisdom. People who care more about protecting their ego than protecting the truth are dangerous. They are willing to bend reality to protect their pride. “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.”  — Proverbs 10:9 When you communicate with others, especially about important matters, you carry a responsibility. You are influencing others with your words. If you declare something as fact without having proof, you risk misleading people. Even if you are sincere, even if you mean well, the harm is real. Being honest about what you know and what you do not know is an act of respect toward your audience and toward the truth itself. “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”  — Matthew 12:36 Facts are not subject to personal preference. They do not become true because you argued well. They do not disappear because you found them uncomfortable. They are not influenced by how much you want them to change. If you want to be someone who values reality, you must be prepared to let go of personal biases when they clash with the evidence. You can say, "I believe this is true." You can say, "Based on what I see, this seems likely." You can say, "I have a theory." But you must not say, "This is a fact," or even present it as a fact, unless you have the evidence to back it up. “Buy the truth and do not sell it—wisdom, instruction and insight as well.”  — Proverbs 23:23 There will be times when you feel deeply invested in a theory or a belief. You may have built your reputation, your emotions, or your identity around it. When facts surface that contradict what you believe, you will be tempted to fight the facts instead of facing them. That is a test of character. If you value truth, you will adjust your beliefs to match reality, not try to force reality to match your beliefs. “Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the Lord your God that I give you.”  — Deuteronomy 4:2 In a world where people are quick to argue, quick to assume, and quick to defend their own version of reality, you can be someone who stands apart. You can be someone who takes the time to ask, "Is this a fact or is this just what I think?" You can be someone who waits for the evidence before drawing hard conclusions. You can be someone who values truth more than winning an argument. Facts will not always be easy. They will not always be what you hoped. But they will always be what actually is. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  — James 1:19 Accepting that gives you a strong foundation. It protects you from building your life on illusions. It makes you reliable, honest, and consistent. You will not be easily shaken by trends, emotions, or popular opinions. You will be anchored by reality itself. Other people will know that they can trust you, not because you are always right, but because you are committed to being honest about what you know and what you do not know. The truth is powerful enough to stand on its own. Be someone who stands with it. “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.”  — Matthew 7:24

My doctor told me that I do not give myself enough credit. I tried to brush off the comment, but I did not fully understand why she said it. I have been thinking about it quite a lot. My first response was to question why I need to give myself credit. I am literally just living my life and doing the best I can—using the strength God has given me. I decided to write this post to not only help me sort out this thought, but possibly help others who may be overlooking their own accomplishments—big and small. When I think about the past several months, I have had to make difficult choices. I have dealt with financial struggles, yet I have found ways to keep going. I have restarted therapy despite the obstacles. I have taken steps to improve my situation, even when it has not been easy. I have been creative, resourceful, and persistent. If someone else were in my position, I would probably recognize their effort. I would tell them they are doing their best and keep working hard. It really is no different than what I say to myself! However, I typically have this conversation internally—it is what keeps me going. Give Yourself the Credit You Deserve Many people struggle to see their own progress because they are too focused on what they believe they should be doing instead of recognizing what they are doing. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you are struggling with some aspect of your life. Do you minimize your accomplishments? Do you dismiss compliments or tell yourself that what you did was not that impressive? When something goes right, do you attribute it to luck, someone else’s help, or just meeting basic expectations? If so, you are not alone. You may not realize it, but you accomplish more than you give yourself credit for. Every day, you make decisions, push through challenges, and handle responsibilities that others might not even notice. You focus on what still needs to be done, what could have been better, or how someone else might have done more. You rarely pause to acknowledge how much effort you put in. It is time to give yourself credit. Giving yourself credit does not mean ignoring areas where you can improve. It does not mean inflating your achievements or thinking you are better than others. It means acknowledging your own efforts, recognizing your growth, and understanding that the things you do matter. Allow yourself to feel good about what you have done. It is easy to dismiss your own struggles because you are used to them. But if you step back and look at your life as if you were an outsider, you might see a different picture. You might see someone who keeps trying, even when things are difficult. You might see someone who helps others, even when they have their own struggles. You might see someone who has overcome more than they give themselves credit for. Start noticing the things you do well. It can be small—getting out of bed on a hard day, following through on something even when you did not feel like it, or making a difficult decision. Write it down if you need to. Recognize the effort it takes to keep going. Your progress matters, even if it does not always feel significant. No one else knows what it takes for you to do what you do. But you do. And that is why you deserve to give yourself credit. It is about seeing yourself with the same understanding and encouragement that you would give to someone else in your position. Why Giving Yourself Credit is Important If you do not give yourself credit, you risk constantly feeling like you are never doing enough. When you overlook your own efforts, it can lead to burnout, low self-worth, and a cycle of always striving but never feeling satisfied. You might achieve goals, overcome challenges, or help others, but if you dismiss your own role in those things, you will always feel like you are falling short. Giving yourself credit is important because it helps you build self-trust. When you acknowledge what you have done, you reinforce the belief that you are capable of handling future challenges. It is not just about feeling good in the moment—it creates a mindset that helps you push through difficulties with more confidence. It also helps with motivation. If you never acknowledge your progress, everything can feel like an uphill battle with no sense of achievement. But when you recognize what you have already done, it reminds you that you are moving forward, even if it is at a slower pace than you would like. When you accomplish something, no matter how small, you were the one who made it happen. You made the decision to try. You put in the effort. You overcame the challenges, even if it felt like just another part of life. Lastly, giving yourself credit helps you develop a healthier relationship with yourself. If you are always dismissing your own achievements, you are reinforcing a negative self-perception. But when you take a moment to acknowledge your own effort, you are practicing self-respect. You are treating yourself the way you would treat a friend—recognizing hard work instead of tearing yourself down. Every Win Deserves Credit If you already give yourself credit, you might wonder what more there is to it. It is not just about recognizing accomplishments, but also about valuing the process behind them. It means understanding that your efforts, resilience, and problem-solving skills matter just as much as the results. It is about allowing yourself to feel proud—not just when something goes perfectly, but also when you have made progress, learned something new, or kept going despite challenges. One important part of giving yourself credit is letting go of the idea that something has to be extraordinary to be worth acknowledging. Many people only count "big wins" while ignoring the daily actions that lead to them. But real growth happens in the in-between moments—the decisions you make when no one is watching, the persistence you show when things feel overwhelming, and the small victories that build over time. It is also about trusting yourself. When you give yourself credit, you reinforce the belief that you are capable. That means when the next challenge comes, you are more likely to approach it with confidence rather than doubt. You do not have to wait for someone else to validate your progress. You can recognize it yourself. Conclusion Giving yourself credit is about acknowledging that what you do matters, even if it does not feel like a big deal. You do not need to achieve perfection to be worthy of recognition. You have already done more than you realize, and the fact that you are still trying, still learning, and still moving forward is reason enough to give yourself credit. If you do not give yourself credit, no one else can do it for you in a way that will truly change how you feel about yourself. Recognizing your own efforts does not mean you stop growing—it means you acknowledge that you are growing. It reminds you that you have overcome challenges before and that you can keep going. It allows you to see yourself as someone who is strong, capable, and worthy of respect—even from yourself. Psalm 37:23-24 "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."

Expand for Lyrics I have sat with strangers who spoke like friends, watched towns flicker past without names. felt silence settle between thoughts, as steel wheels hummed their steady song There were moments I did not expect conversations that stayed with me after glimpses of places I did not know I missed until I saw them again from a moving train Sleep came in pieces but memory did not it gathered layered settled I did not write it all down but I lived it and that will have to be enough for now I have stood in wind that carried voices walked streets that reminded me of years ago shared parts of myself without warning and listened when others did the same Some names I remember some I may even forget but the feeling remains the sense that nothing was wasted Sleep came in pieces but memory did not it gathered layered settled I did not write it all down but I lived it and that will have to be enough for now, for now, for now I have not written a post in the last few days, and I wanted to say something about that. This trip has moved quickly, and I have fallen behind in writing about everything I hoped to include. I still need to write about my time in Kansas, my train ride from Lincoln, Nebraska to Chicago, and then the long ride from Chicago to Syracuse, New York and then on to Rome, New York. After that, I want to reflect on my time in Camden. When I leave tomorrow, I will also need to write about my trip from Rome back to Florida. Maybe I will get some of it written on the train ride home. But I also know that every train ride so far has brought new people, new conversations, and unexpected moments that pull me into the present. That has been the best part of all this—connecting with others. Everyone I have met has been interesting, kind, and open. I have shared my blog with many of them, and I want to make sure they know I have not forgotten. The posts will come, just not always right away. I appreciate the patience. Proverbs 20:24 "A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?"