Not Just Acceptance: Understanding Is My Peace

My visit with my brother was really good. He is much like me in many ways, but there is a stark difference in how we see ourselves. He is accepting of everything that may or may not be a label for him. Whereas I want to know all of the answers.

For example: I have autism, ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, and maybe even face blindness—and I want to know why. I want to know what symptoms are from what. Is this from trauma? Is that autism-related? What’s coming from where? I want to know what fits where. I fully accept who I am, and I am not seeking to change anything. I just want an understanding.

But he does not care whether or not he is autistic—I don’t even know if he is. He feels like knowing won’t change whether he has something or doesn’t. To him, the label does not matter. For me, it does. I think there is something to learn by knowing. And this difference shows up in everything. He is the kind of person who does not need to know more about something to live with it. I am the kind of person who wants to know everything about something because I live with it.

Understanding that contrast is insightful to me. Two people can be deeply similar and still process the world in entirely different ways. I think we both have a strong sense of self, but our internal priorities do not line up. For me, wanting to know the why, the how, the “where does this come from” is about making sense of what is happening inside. It brings structure to the chaos. Especially with multiple issues, clarity is everything.

Even if there is not a cure for “something” now, I believe that if everyone just accepts “something” without understanding it, there may never be one. Knowledge matters. It is how we get better tools, better support, and possibly new answers in the future. As the saying goes, “Knowledge is power.” And in this case, it is power to separate what is affecting me and how. It is power to advocate for myself.

My brother seems to find peace through acceptance. Whether or not he has a diagnosis does not matter to him—he has made space for himself either way. For me, the learning is the space-making. It is how I process and move forward. I think I left him with a better understanding of how my thought process works.

I will give him credit for having a clearer, less cluttered, head. But he also seems to understand that my head is full of overthinking with more questions than answers, and thinks I am needlessly racking my brain for answers that will not change anything. I am sure he has some peace through blind acceptance. My head is full of questions, comparisons, and connections. When I finally work through one of those thoughts, or find an answer, I feel a sense of accomplishment—and peace. That's how it works for me.

Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."