The topic of being bored and restless came to me when a friend often commented about being bored. I personally do not feel like I get bored, but I do feel restless. This made me wonder if being restless is the same as being bored, so I decided to ask Aeris. What is the difference between being bored and being restless? Good question. They can feel similar on the surface (both push you to do something), but they come from different places and need different responses. I’ll break it down cleanly: what each one is, how they feel, common causes, behaviors you’ll see, how to test which one you’re experiencing, short-term fixes, and when to get professional help. What they are Boredom — a state caused by under stimulation or lack of interest. Your brain isn’t engaged by the current situation. It feels flat, empty, unmotivated. Restlessness — a state of internal agitation. Your body or mind feels driven, unsettled, or on-edge. It often comes with tension and an urge to move or change things. How they feel (subjective experience) Boredom: dull, yawning, “nothing matters,” time drags. You may feel apathetic or indifferent. Restlessness: agitated, anxious, fidgety, driven to pace/tap/move. Time may feel fast or urgent because you want something to change. Common causes Boredom: repetitive tasks, low novelty, lack of meaning, insufficient challenge, social boredom, depression. Restlessness: anxiety, worry, caffeine/medication, withdrawal, ADHD, unresolved stress, anticipation (nervous energy), akathisia from some drugs. Behavioral signs Boredom: procrastination, changing channels, doom-scrolling, seeking passive entertainment, disengagement. Restlessness: pacing, inability to sit, fidgeting, interrupting, rapid speech, restless sleep, frequent task-switching driven by agitation. Cognitive & emotional differences Boredom tends to involve low arousal + negative valence (under-stimulated + displeased). Your thoughts are “meh” or drift. Restlessness often involves high arousal + negative valence (activated + displeased). Your thoughts are urgent, repetitive, or anxious. Quick self-check option one I feel mentally empty and uninterested. I want something interesting to occupy me. option two I feel keyed-up and anxious. I want to release nervous energy/stop the agitation. If you pick the first option mostly → boredom. If you pick the second → restlessness. Short-term practical fixes For boredom Introduce novelty or challenge: a small, meaningful task; a different activity that requires attention. Use curiosity prompts: “What’s one detail I can notice right now?” or pick a micro-goal (10-minute focused task). If persistent: schedule purposeful activities (exercise, call a friend, learn one short skill). For restlessness Grounding and physical release: 5–10 minutes of brisk movement, paced breathing (4 in / 6 out), or a short walk. Reduce stimulants (caffeine, nicotine). Name the worry: write 3 quick lines of what’s on your mind—then set a small “worry time” later. If due to meds: consult prescriber (akathisia can feel like restlessness). Longer-term strategies Boredom: cultivate meaningful goals, structure time, add variety, pursue hobbies that require skill. If it’s tied to depression, treat the depression. Restlessness: regular physical exercise, sleep hygiene, anxiety management (CBT techniques), mindfulness practice, review medications if relevant, therapy for chronic anxiety or trauma. When it’s a clinical concern If boredom is persistent with low mood, loss of interest in everything, changes in appetite or sleep → screen for depression and get professional care. If restlessness is intense, persistent, accompanied by panic, suicidal thoughts, or medication side effects → seek medical help. Quick summary Boredom = low drive, under-stimulated, needs novelty or meaning. Restlessness = high drive, agitated, needs calming or safe release. My opinion: If you’re often oscillating between the two, treat both sides: get regular physical activity and sleep, and add at least one meaningful, absorbing activity into each day. That combination reduces both under stimulation and nervous agitation . When you feel bored Goal: wake up your mind with something meaningful or engaging. Do one tiny purposeful task. Something you can finish in under 10 minutes. Examples: organize one drawer, water plants, or write a short post. The goal is to see completion. Add stimulation, not noise. Watch or read something that teaches or interests you, not just distracts you. Even reading one article on a topic you like can restart curiosity. Create a small “next” moment. Plan one thing to look forward to in the next few hours—a phone call, a short walk, or making coffee a certain way. Boredom fades when anticipation builds. When you feel restless Goal: calm your body and settle your mind. Move the energy out. Walk briskly for 5–10 minutes, stretch, or do light chores. You are not trying to tire yourself—just release tension. Ground your focus. Sit somewhere quiet. Take a slow breath in for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds. Repeat for one minute while naming what you see around you (lamp, wall, sound, etc.). This tells your body you are safe. Redirect with intention. Once your body slows, pick one simple task you can calmly focus on—something that does not require speed or decision-making, like folding laundry or journaling a few lines. Philippians 4:11 "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."

It is important to understand how medical marijuana is used, which strains will work best for you, the role of key compounds such as THC and CBD, and the possible side effects. You can take cannabis in several forms, including smoking, vapes, edibles, oils, tinctures, capsules, or topicals. Each method has different onset times and durations of effect. In addition to choosing a strain, the balance of THC, which is psychoactive, and CBD, which is non-intoxicating, largely determines how a strain will affect the body and mind. Like any treatment, medical marijuana can also produce side effects, which vary depending on the strain, dosage, and individual response. The three main types of medical marijuana strains are Sativa, Indica, and Hybrid. Sativa strains are generally associated with energizing, uplifting effects, while Indica strains are known for their calming, relaxing properties. Hybrids are a combination of both, designed to offer a balance of these effects, with many options available to suit specific medical needs.  Sativa Effects: Sativa strains are often described as energizing and invigorating. They can promote creativity and focus, making them suitable for daytime use.  Use: Sativa-dominant strains may be helpful for conditions such as depression and fatigue.  Side Effects: Because of its stimulating effects, Sativa strains can sometimes cause anxiety, restlessness, or rapid heart rate in sensitive individuals. Some people may also experience difficulty sleeping if used too late in the day. Indica Effects: Indica strains are known for their relaxing and sedating effects, providing a physical sensation throughout the body .   Use: They are often suggested for relieving muscle tension, easing nausea, and promoting overall relaxation.  Side Effects: Indica strains, with their sedating qualities, can cause drowsiness, reduced alertness, or grogginess the following day if taken in high amounts. It may also increase appetite more strongly, which you may not want. Hybrid Effects: A hybrid is a crossbreed of Indica and Sativa strains, offering a combination of effects. Hybrids can be Indica-dominant, Sativa-dominant, or a balance of Indica and Sativa.  Use: Hybrid strains are bred to provide a blend of characteristics from both parent strains, allowing for more tailored therapeutic benefits.  Side Effects: You may notice a mix of both: for example, mild drowsiness alongside occasional anxiety, depending on the specific strain and dosage. THC and CBD Cannabis contains many active compounds, but two of the most studied are THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) and CBD (cannabidiol). THC is the compound responsible for the “high” or psychoactive effects of cannabis. It can provide pain relief, reduce nausea, and stimulate appetite, but it can also cause side effects such as anxiety or impaired coordination at higher doses. CBD does not produce a “high.” It is known for calming effects and is often used for conditions such as anxiety, seizures, and inflammation. CBD may also help balance out some of the unwanted effects of THC, like paranoia. The ratio of THC to CBD in a strain largely determines how it will affect you. Additional Considerations Cannabinoids and Terpenes: The effects of each strain are influenced by their specific levels of cannabinoids (like THC and CBD) and terpenes.  General Side Effects (all strains): Dry mouth Dizziness Red eyes Impaired short-term memory or coordination Increased appetite Consult a Doctor: Before starting any medical marijuana treatment, it is important to consult with a doctor to determine the most appropriate strain and dosage for your specific condition.  Methods of Use Smoking and Vaporizing: Smoking dried cannabis flower is one of the most traditional methods, but vaporizing is often preferred for medical use because it delivers cannabinoids quickly without as many of the harmful byproducts of smoke. Edibles: Edible products, such as gummies, baked goods, or chocolates, provide longer-lasting effects compared to inhalation. However, they take longer to work, often 30 minutes to 2 hours. Dosing carefully is important to avoid taking too much. Oils and Tinctures: Cannabis oils or tinctures are taken under the tongue or mixed with food. This method allows for more precise dosing and can be an effective option for people who prefer not to inhale cannabis. Capsules and Pills: These provide a consistent and controlled dose, making them easier for some to manage, especially if you use cannabis as part of a daily treatment plan. Topicals: Creams, balms, and lotions infused with cannabis are applied directly to the skin. They are often used for localized pain, inflammation, or skin conditions without producing a psychoactive effect. Distribution and Risks Medical strains are usually formulated differently than most recreational strains. The key differences are oversight, safety, accessibility, and purpose. Medical cannabis is generally safer and more tailored to treatment, while recreational is for personal use, and illegal cannabis is unpredictable. Medical Dispensaries: Medical Marijuana is specifically if you have qualifying conditions, prescribed or recommended by a doctor. It requires a medical marijuana card or certification. Products usually go through stricter testing for purity, potency, and contaminants (like pesticides, mold, or heavy metals). They are tailored to medical needs, with a range of THC-to-CBD ratios, and sometimes higher-CBD options than recreational markets carry. Recreational Dispensaries (or Retail Shops): Recreational (legal) marijuana is for anyone of legal age (21+ in most U.S. states) can buy and use it, not limited to medical conditions. No doctor’s note needed, just valid ID. Legality varies by state and country. Similar testing to medical products in most legal markets, but the selection is often more geared toward higher-THC strains for psychoactive effects. Recreational products are often taxed more heavily than medical. Illegal Marijuana (Black Market) is sold outside of regulated systems. With no oversight, the risks are higher — the product could be contaminated, mislabeled, or much stronger/weaker than claimed. No age checks or medical oversight. Sometimes cheaper up front, but comes with safety and legal risks. Closing Medical marijuana offers a wide range of potential benefits, but the effects vary depending on the strain, method of use, and the balance of THC and CBD. While Sativa, Indica, and Hybrid strains each have distinct properties, it is important to remember that no single approach works for everyone. Understanding side effects, starting with careful dosing, and consulting with a medical professional can help ensure safe and effective treatment. With the right guidance, medical marijuana can be an important option for managing health conditions and improving quality of life. 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 “But test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.”

Happy 36th Birthday, Travis. You were always amazing here on Earth—passionate in everything, empathetic to everyone, talented in everyway. smart beyond belief, and a challenge since the start. Over 13 years have passed, but the way you lived your life is engraved on my heart. You tried to work around whatever this life threw at you. When you were a baby, your Aunt Patty made you this wall hanging. Although you did not know her, you always kept it near—even as an adult. I am happy you found comfort in it. Even when you took a trip across the country or moved from one state to the next, it came with you. I almost sent it with you to be cremated, but your Uncle Keith told me to keep it. He was right. I know I would have regretted no longer having it. As I was looking through photos for this post, it became evident you liked having things on your head. I then noticed Mickey was also wearing a cap, coincidence? Doubtful. Sometimes worn as part of the outfit, but other times you would randomly put a hat or something else on your head. Were these to draw attention, comfort, or just for fun? I suspect now it was for different things at different times. You made the most of every moment. I wonder how often these were to mask what you were really going through. Today on your birthday, like most birthdays since your death, I went to the drug store and got a flu and pneumonia shot. It always vividly brings to mind the time when I took you to Dr. Mishra and it was very traumatizing for you. I am sorry I did not know how to calm your fears. Maybe I carry on this shot tradition to remind me of your pain. It has been a sad day, but then this song popped up and it fits you perfectly. It is called, " Bang The Drum All Day " by Todd Rundgren. It is really popular and is used in a wide variety of projects. I have never heard of it. but it was just what I needed today. As you were well aware, you had an amazing talent with the drums. You played at church, at school, and in the band you started. I was proud of you, but maybe I did not tell you. Years ago, I found this snow globe that plays, "The Little Drummer Boy" and it is ideal. It was even created in 1989—just like you. I hope you know now, I am proud of you. Happy Birthday, Travis. You are missed. I hope I tell my other two how proud I am of them. They are both equally impressive! Maybe in 2026, I will write an "in honor of my son" post for each of them on their birthdays - with their permission of course. Isaiah 57:1-2 "The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death." 2024 It was February 4, 2012, when my world turned upside down—the day I lost my spirited child, Travis, taken too soon at just 22 years old. The pain of losing a child is a burden no parent should ever bear, and yet here I am, navigating this uncharted territory of grief and healing. Travis’s journey ended abruptly, a victim of a cruel twist of fate—a car accident triggered by an insidious foe: epilepsy. A Mother’s Devastation The news of the accident shook me deep inside. The realization that I would never see Travis's smile, hear his laughter, or feel his embrace again is a weight too heavy to bear. The void left by his absence seems insurmountable, a wound that may never fully heal. As I continue to face the overwhelming sorrow that engulfs me, I find comfort in the memories we shared—moments that remain vivid in my mind. Coping with Loss Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years, yet the pain lingers like a shadow, a constant reminder of the irreplaceable loss I suffer. Grief becomes my unwelcome companion, a specter that haunts my every waking moment. I know others feel his absence too, but this is my way of honoring the love between a mother and son. In the depths of despair, I seek refuge in the rituals of remembrance, celebrating Travis’s life and legacy amid the silence of his absence. Birthday Remembrance Today, September 22, marks Travis’s birthday—a bittersweet milestone that reminds me of another year since his passing. I grapple with how to honor his memory meaningfully. I decide to celebrate his birthday, a tribute to the light he brought into my life and the love that continues to bind us together across the realms of existence. Healing through Remembrance On this special day, I reflect on the love and longing I hold for Travis. I find peace in knowing he is watching over me, his spirit a guiding light in my moments of darkness. Through the tears and the laughter, the joy and the sorrow, I feel his presence, a palpable reminder that love transcends even the boundaries of life and death. Epilepsy Awareness Epilepsy awareness is crucial in honoring Travis’s memory. This silent killer took his life and continues to threaten countless others. Raising consciousness about epilepsy helps shed light on a condition that often lurks in the shadows, unseen and unacknowledged. By sharing Travis's story, I hope to encourage conversations that can lead to better understanding and support for those affected by epilepsy. Finding Purpose in Pain As I navigate this journey of grief and healing, I realize that Travis’s legacy lives on not in the pain of his absence, but in the love that endures, in the memories that sustain me, and in the purpose that drives me forward. His doctor had once said years earlier that he would do great things as an adult, and he truly did—becoming an organ donor who helped others live a better life. On his birthday, I honor his memory not with tears of despair, but with a heart full of gratitude for the time we had together and the lessons he continues to impart. In Loving Memory To my dear Travis, the embodiment of laughter and tears, wherever you may be, know that you are cherished, remembered, and deeply loved. Though you are no longer with us, you will forever reside in the depths of my heart—a beacon of light in my darkest hours and a whisper of hope in my moments of doubt. Until we meet again, on the other side of eternity, I will carry you with me, always and forever. As I navigate the ebb and flow of grief, I find solace in knowing that Travis’s spirit lives on, a source of comfort and strength as I strive to make sense of a world forever altered by loss. In his memory, I honor the past, cherish the present, and embrace the future with an open heart, a grateful spirit, and a love that knows no bounds. Our journey through grief is a testament to the enduring power of love and the resilience of the human spirit. As we celebrate our loved ones who have gone before us, may we find peace in remembrance, strength in unity, and hope in the promise of a brighter tomorrow. Revelation 21:4   "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

I created charts (along with Aeris) for Japanese pleasantries, common suffixes, basic verbs, prepositions, common landscapes, and directions (north, south, east, west) to make learning easier. The verb charts show dictionary form, ます form, and kanji + hiragana, with romaji to help me read. Having all these charts together gives me a clear, organized way to study vocabulary and basic grammar, understand locations and directions, and form simple sentences. They make learning Japanese more structured, practical, and easier to keep in my head. Maybe they can help you, too! I am currently studying Japanese on Duolingo . I recently started playing a fun game called Wagotabi. They both pair very well together. I WILL ADD NEW CHARTS AND INFORMATION AS I FIND USEFUL Negative form for adjectives ではない / じゃない / ではありません

White coat syndrome, also called white coat hypertension, is when your blood pressure reads higher in a medical setting than it does at home or in everyday life. At home, a healthy reading is usually below 120/80. Some people experience spikes that make their pressure look higher than it really is when they are seeing a doctor. This can be a problem because every year, about 5% of people with white coat syndrome go on to develop actual high blood pressure. An inaccurate reading may also lead to unnecessary medication, or a doctor thinking your current treatment is not working when it actually is. The average blood pressure reading for adults is considered to be less than 120/80 mmHg . This is based on the following guidelines from the American Heart Association:  Normal: Systolic (top #) less than 120 and diastolic (bottom #) less than 80  Elevated: Systolic between 120 and 129 and diastolic less than 80  Stage 1 Hypertension: Systolic between 130 and 139 or diastolic between 80 and 89  Stage 2 Hypertension: Systolic 140 or higher or diastolic 90 or higher  It's important to note that these are just general guidelines, and individual blood pressure readings may vary depending on factors such as age, gender, and overall health. It's always best to consult with a healthcare professional for personalized advice on blood pressure readings.  White coat syndrome is very real. Researchers have studied white coat syndrome for decades, and their findings consistently show that the stress or anxiety of a medical visit can raise blood pressure temporarily. White coat syndrome can be dangerous, depending on your situation. For some people, the condition is harmless. But in others, it may reflect an underlying tendency toward higher blood pressure or cardiovascular problems. Studies suggest that people over 60 who already have health risks—like diabetes, obesity, or a past heart attack—may have up to twice the risk of heart issues if they also have white coat syndrome. Still, experts believe the risk may come more from those existing conditions than from the syndrome itself. Anyone can experience it, but it is most common in: People over 50. Women. People who were recently told they have high blood pressure. People who are overweight. People who do not use tobacco. Estimates say between 15% and 30% of people diagnosed with high blood pressure have white coat syndrome. It can also affect people without hypertension. There are usually no obvious symptoms other than your blood pressure is higher at the doctor’s office, but normal elsewhere. The cause is often anxiety or nervousness in a medical setting. Just walking into the clinic, waiting for the exam, and then seeing the cuff go on your arm can trigger your body’s natural “fight or flight” stress response. Your heart rate and blood pressure rise automatically, even though you are not in danger. This reaction can cause: Stiffening of arteries. Poorer blood vessel function. A greater chance of developing left ventricular hypertrophy Increased risk for having diabetes. Increased risk of having long-term high blood pressure. Blood pressure also changes naturally throughout the day depending on things like time, rest, activity, and stress level, which is why accurate readings are so important. To confirm white coat syndrome, doctors usually need to see at least three high office readings (140/90 or higher), combined with normal readings at home or during a 24-hour monitor (under 135/85). Home monitoring or ambulatory monitoring is the most reliable way to separate true high blood pressure from white coat hypertension. White coat syndrome does not usually go away on its own. For many people, it continues for years, even with the same doctor. That’s why long-term monitoring is important. Treatment often includes: Checking your blood pressure regularly at home with a reliable monitor. Lifestyle changes like eating less salt, maintaining a healthy weight, getting regular exercise, and not smoking. In some cases, blood pressure medication if other cardiovascular risks are present. You may be able to bring your blood pressure closer to your true level with a few strategies: Build a good relationship with your healthcare provider, or switch to one you feel more comfortable with. Write down questions before your appointment so you are not worried about forgetting. Leave early so you are not rushing or stressed when you arrive. Avoid caffeine, smoking, or exercise in the half hour before your visit. Practice relaxation, like deep breathing, while waiting for your exam. People with white coat syndrome do face a slightly higher risk of heart problems than those with completely normal blood pressure. However, research shows that people taking blood pressure medicine do not seem to face extra risk compared with others who have normal readings. The key is accurate monitoring and managing any other health risks. The best way to reduce your chances of white coat syndrome is through communication and comfort. Feeling at ease with your provider can make a big difference. The calmer you feel during the exam, the closer your reading will be to your true everyday blood pressure. Proverbs 12:25 "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."

The developers of Wagotabi provided me with a code to play, and in return, I agreed to stream it and write a review for the blog. I have spent about 37 hours playing so far, with nearly 30 of those hours streamed. I have 12/35 achievements. It is really fun! I have learned a lot, and it pairs very well with what I have been studying on Duolingo. I have very few negatives to mention, and most of those come down to personal preferences. I would highly recommend this game as a helpful tool for learning Japanese. Wagotabi is an educational game that turns learning Japanese into an interactive experience. It mixes language lessons with an RPG-style setting, making it feel more like play than study. The game introduces vocabulary, grammar, and basic conversation gradually, giving players chances to practice what they learn in context. You travel through different areas inspired by Japan, meeting characters and completing tasks that encourage you to read, listen, and sometimes even speak in Japanese. The game slowly removes hints and English support as you progress, helping you feel more confident using the language on your own. It covers Hiragana, Katakana, and Kanji, and includes plenty of example sentences and dialogue. Mini-games and challenges reinforce what you learn, so you can practice without feeling like you are studying. The focus is on practical use and immersion, giving the language a real-world feel. So far, there are only a few negatives I have come across, mostly during the smart test and mini-games. They are not deal breakers, just a little annoying. I would like to be able to hear the multiple-choice answers, especially the ones containing Kanji. Eventually, I would like the option to do it without hearing the pronunciation, so a sound toggle could be helpful. During multiple-choice questions, as soon as you click an answer, it is marked right or wrong. When creating sentences, you can hear the pronunciations, but as soon as you place the last piece, the sentence is marked. A workaround if you are unsure is to place the pieces in another slot first to check. On the other hand, the “Write in Hiragana” exercise is perfect! You can hear the pronunciation of each character, change your mind if needed using the red back arrow, and then click a green check mark when ready to submit. Another note is about the mini-game Ninja Kana. The game sends out three lines of characters, and the player types the corresponding character to remove it from play. Three lines at once can be very challenging, especially for my ADHD brain. A setting to choose one, two, or three lines could be useful. There is a Zen mode that sends only one line with no time limit, but it also does not keep score. The score is what motivates me to play, so Zen mode does not work well for me. I think beginner, intermediate, and expert levels would be ideal, though I understand I will naturally get better over time. For anyone wanting a different approach to learning Japanese, Wagotabi offers a fresh, enjoyable way to practice. It is especially good if you like games, enjoy interactive learning, or want to supplement traditional study with something more hands-on. Overall, Wagotabi has been a rewarding experience. It balances learning with fun, keeps you engaged, and makes practicing Japanese feel natural. Whether you are a complete beginner or looking to strengthen your skills, it provides a supportive and interactive environment that makes studying feel less like work and more like an adventure. You can learn more about Wagotabi on their website, wagotabi.com , It is available on Steam for a reasonable price of $9.99 at the time of this review. Although I have not tried it on my phone, the mobile version is available on Google Play and Apple Store.

I decided to create this post after scheduling my own wellness checkup, a mammogram, and a colonoscopy consultation. After subtle urging from others, I realized it was easier to make the appointments than to insist I was fine. I was very fortunate to find doctors who could see me right away. I do not have any concerns about cancer personally, but I saw this as an opportunity to share important information with others about screening and early detection. As they often say, "Better safe than sorry!" Why this matters Cancer outcomes change a lot depending on when a diagnosis is made. Early detection saves lives for colorectal and breast cancer; pancreatic cancer is often diagnosed late and is more deadly as a result. The three cancers below are different in how they behave, how they are each screened, and how preventable they are — so each needs a different approach. Pancreatic cancer Overview & impact. Pancreatic cancer carries a high mortality rate because symptoms are vague and it is frequently found at a late stage. In the U.S., pancreatic cancer has one of the highest death-to-case ratios among common cancers. Typical symptoms (early signs are often subtle): upper abdominal pain or mid-back pain, unexplained weight loss, new-onset diabetes, yellowing of skin/eyes (jaundice), persistent indigestion, pale stools, dark urine. If these are new and unexplained, they deserve prompt medical evaluation. Risk factors: older age, smoking, long-standing diabetes, chronic pancreatitis, certain inherited gene mutations (BRCA2, PALB2, CDKN2A, etc.), and a strong family history of pancreatic cancer. People with multiple affected relatives are at noticeably higher risk. Screening: There is no recommended routine screening for the general population — screening for pancreatic cancer is limited to people at high  hereditary or familial risk and is usually done by specialized centers using MRI and endoscopic ultrasound (EUS). Surveillance in properly identified high-risk people can detect earlier cancers and may improve outcomes. If you have two or more close relatives with pancreatic cancer, talk to a genetics clinic. Treatment and outlook: Treatments include surgery (if the tumor is operable), chemotherapy, and radiation. Survival improves dramatically when the disease is caught early, which is why high-risk surveillance and rapid evaluation of suspicious symptoms matter. Colorectal cancer Overview & impact. Colorectal cancer (CRC) is common but highly treatable when detected early. Screening finds precancerous polyps that can be removed before they become cancer. The U.S. task force recommends screening starting at age 45 for average-risk adults. Colorectal cancer includes both colon cancer, which begins in the colon, and rectal cancer, which starts in the rectum. While they occur in different parts of the large intestine, their symptoms, risk factors, and screening methods are largely the same. Symptoms that should not be ignored: persistent change in bowel habits, blood in or on the stool, unexplained abdominal pain, a feeling that the bowel does not empty, unexplained weight loss, and persistent fatigue. If these appear, see a clinician immediately — don’t wait for screening age. Risk factors: age (risk rises after age 45), family history of colorectal cancer or certain genetic syndromes (Lynch syndrome, familial adenomatous polyposis), inflammatory bowel disease, obesity, sedentary lifestyle, high intake of red/processed meat, heavy alcohol use, and smoking. Screening options (advantages and frequency): Colonoscopy — gold-standard: visualizes colon and allows polyp removal; typically every 10 years if normal. It both detects cancer early and prevents cancer by removing polyps. FIT (fecal immunochemical test) — at-home stool test done yearly; positive tests require colonoscopy. Stool DNA tests (e.g., Cologuard) — every 1–3 years depending on the test; positive tests require colonoscopy. Choice of test is a personal/medical decision; the important thing is to be screened on a schedule recommended by your provider. Prevention: healthy weight, regular exercise, a diet high in fiber and low in processed/red meat, limiting alcohol, and not smoking all lower risk. Breast cancer Overview & impact. Breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in women worldwide and a leading cause of cancer death, but it can also affect men, though far less frequently. Screening mammography reduces mortality by finding cancers earlier in women; men should be aware of any unusual changes in their breast tissue. Major U.S. guideline bodies recommend routine screening, though details differ slightly. Symptoms that should prompt evaluation: new breast lump or thickening, changes in breast size or shape, skin dimpling, nipple retraction, nipple discharge (especially bloody), or persistent local pain. Any new, unexplained change should be evaluated. Risk factors: age (risk increases with age), family history of breast cancer, inherited mutations (BRCA1/BRCA2), personal history of certain benign breast conditions, higher lifetime estrogen exposure (early menstruation, late menopause), obesity after menopause, alcohol use, and hormone replacement therapy. Screening recommendations (summary of common guidance): USPSTF (summary): recommends regular screening mammography with individualized decisions for women starting around age 40 and supports biennial screening in many age ranges; exact phrasing and intervals vary by age and risk. American Cancer Society and other bodies have similar but slightly different age-frequency guidance; high-risk people (BRCA carriers, strong family history) often start sooner and add MRI. Always discuss personal risk with your clinician to tailor screening. While breast cancer is far more common in women, men can develop it too. Routine mammogram screening is not recommended for men at average risk, but those with BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutations or a strong family history may be advised to have clinical breast exams and sometimes annual mammograms starting around age 35–40. All men should watch for unusual changes, such as lumps, nipple discharge, dimpling, or thickening, and report them promptly to a healthcare provider. Early evaluation improves the chances of successful treatment. Prevention: lifestyle factors (maintaining healthy weight, limiting alcohol, regular exercise) lower risk modestly; genetic counseling is recommended if you have a strong family history. Practical steps for screenings If you have symptoms, don’t wait. Call your doctor and say you have (list the specific symptom). Symptoms deserve prompt evaluation regardless of age. Get screened on schedule. If you’re 45 or older, schedule colorectal screening if you haven’t. If you’re in the age band for mammography or have risk factors, follow your provider’s advice for breast screening. Screening saves lives for colorectal and breast cancers. If you have strong family history (multiple relatives with the same cancer), ask about genetic counseling. For pancreatic cancer concerns specifically, ask whether you qualify for high-risk surveillance. Talk prevention — move more, eat more fiber and vegetables, limit processed meat and alcohol, don’t smoke, and manage weight and diabetes if present. These reduce risk for colorectal and breast cancer and improve overall health. Treatment reality and hope Early-stage colorectal and breast cancers often have very good outcomes with established surgery, radiation, and systemic therapies. Screening and early detection are the main reasons survival for these cancers has improved over recent decades. Pancreatic cancer is harder, but research is active. For people at high genetic risk, surveillance programs can catch disease earlier and improve survival prospects. Reliable resources National Cancer Institute (NCI) — stats and pancreatic early detection research. Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCAN) — patient resources and high-risk surveillance info. U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) — official screening recommendations. CDC — Colorectal Cancer Screening — clear screening options and guidance. American Cancer Society — Breast cancer screening — patient-facing guidance on screening and high-risk care. Closing Do not delay screening for colorectal or breast cancer if you’re in the recommended group — it’s a proven life-saver. If you have a strong family history of pancreatic or other cancers, don’t accept “wait and see.” Ask for genetic counseling and evaluation at a specialized center. Early surveillance matters for high-risk people. If something feels off with your body, say it clearly to your doctor and ask what tests they recommend. Be persistent. You know your body; your voice matters. Remember. "Better safe than sorry!" Psalm 103:2-3 “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.”

the page waits, I wait, words scatter somewhere beyond reach fingers still, mind restless, ideas slip through like sand I hold nothing but silence, a blank screen stares back I am its reflection, still quiet, waiting for a spark that does not come thoughts circle but never land, each sentence feels borrowed each word, misplaced. I sit with the emptiness until it feels like home I try to start, but the lines unravel before they form something is stuck, maybe it is me or maybe it is just the day the cursor blinks like a heartbeat I cannot feel, time moves, but I stay here unmoved, unwritten, the emptiness is not a void, but a mirror it shows me all the things I cannot yet name I chase meaning, but it hides in the spaces between thoughts the words are there, I can almost hear them, soft, distant whispers the screen waits for a beginning, but all I have are unfinished lines the act of writing feels distant, almost forgotten, like a language I once knew perhaps the block is not in the words, but in the weight I give them. what if there is nothing left to say, what if I have already said too much the quiet becomes heavy, the page feels lighter than ever there is no block only silence that lingers and thoughts that never slow I sit watching the words float by, waiting for one brave enough to stay what if the page does not need perfection, only presence

I have always been able to adapt to what someone else is doing, almost without thinking. If they are interested in something, I can easily step into that space with them. That kind of flexibility comes naturally to me, but I have noticed it is not something most people do. Many seem more rooted in their own routines, interests, or preferences. They do not shift as easily, and they do not always understand why I do. For me, it feels normal—like connection matters more than control. I am learning that this kind of adaptability is not as common as I thought. It can make me feel out of place because most people seem to have a strong sense of what they like or do not like—and they often expect others to be the same. Overall, I do not have strong likes or dislikes—television, movies, food, music, sports—I am open to new possibilities! Being highly adaptable, people might see it as indecisiveness, inauthenticity, or even a lack of personality, even though I can be indecisive, that is not what this is about. I notice that others hold tightly to their preferences, while I am more focused on connection or harmony. That difference can leave me feeling misunderstood, or like my way of relating does not quite fit in. Not everyone knows what they like. That might sound strange, but it is true. Some people grow up without being asked what they want. Others learn to keep quiet to avoid conflict. Some go numb after trauma or heartbreak. And some just feel more interested in what someone else enjoys—especially when that someone means a lot to them. Sometimes you really do start liking something after you meet a person who lights up when they talk about it. That shared interest might begin as curiosity, but it can turn into something real. You do not have to be just like them to feel connected—but finding common ground can make you feel closer without losing yourself. You want to feel closer to them. Liking the same things creates a sense of connection. When you show interest in what they enjoy, it builds a bridge between you and makes it easier to bond. You enjoy seeing them happy. Their enthusiasm becomes contagious. Even if something was not interesting to you before, seeing how much joy it brings them can make you curious enough to try it—and sometimes you end up liking it too. You want to spend more time with them. If they love hiking, gaming, cooking, or reading sci-fi, and you start doing it too, you naturally create more chances to be around them. It gives you shared activities, which means shared time. You respect their taste. When you admire someone, you often trust their opinions. So, if they are passionate about a movie genre, a hobby, or a subject, you might give it a chance because you believe there must be something worthwhile in it. You want to understand them better. Their interests might reflect how they think, feel, or see the world. By learning about what they love, you gain insight into who they are. It helps you connect on a deeper level. You genuinely grow to like the same things. This is not pretending. Sometimes, just being open-minded and exposed to new things through someone else helps you discover something you never knew you would enjoy. You feel more included. If they are talking about things they love, and you are not familiar, it can make you feel left out. Learning about their interests helps you feel involved in their world. You want to show you care. Taking the time to learn about and share their interests is a form of affection. It is a way of saying, “What matters to you matters to me.” You like who you become when you are with them. Sometimes the things you adopt from someone else lead to personal growth. You may feel more creative, adventurous, or thoughtful. Liking what they like can make you feel like a better version of yourself. Wanting to share someone's interests can come from a healthy place—connection, curiosity, admiration, or care. You might think you are just being agreeable or open-minded, but there are times when that pattern is rooted in something harder to face—like emotional numbness, people-pleasing, or the effects of past trauma. What looks like flexibility on the surface might actually be a survival strategy you have carried for years. It can reflect emotional numbness or detachment Sometimes, not having strong preferences is a symptom of depression, burnout, or trauma. When you are overwhelmed or emotionally shut down, you might lose access to your own desires or feelings. It is not that you do not care—it is that you cannot care right then. This can include not knowing what you like to eat, watch, listen to, or do. It can be rooted in people-pleasing or fawning Some people learn—especially from early life experiences or difficult relationships—that their preferences are less important than keeping others comfortable. So you may suppress your likes and dislikes, always deferring to what others want. Over time, you might stop even knowing what you want. It might be about low curiosity or passivity In some cases, someone may never have explored their likes or dislikes because they were never encouraged to do so. If no one ever asked you what you liked, or if you were always told what to do, you may have never developed that internal compass. You may live reactively, instead of intentionally. It can be a sign of extreme flexibility or indifference Some people genuinely just go along with things and feel okay either way. But even then, most people still have some preferences or interests. If you claim to never care about anything, it can raise a flag that something deeper is going on—whether emotional, psychological, or behavioral. In relationships, it can create imbalance If you are with someone who never has opinions or desires of their own, it can feel like everything falls on you. They may say, “Whatever you want,” but over time that can feel like disinterest, disconnection, or emotional laziness. You may start to feel alone, even if they are physically present. Final thoughts People influence each other all the time. Attraction and admiration are powerful motivators, and sometimes they unlock parts of you that were just waiting for the right reason to come alive. Not having strong preferences is not a problem if it comes from peace and openness. But if it comes from fear, trauma, or avoidance, then it becomes a barrier to connection and authenticity. When you are a naturally adaptable person, being with someone who is rigid in their preferences can be exhausting. You might keep offering suggestions, trying to find something you can both enjoy, but everything is met with “no” or “not interested” for one reason or another. It feels like they are not even willing to meet you halfway. You are not asking them to love everything—you just want them to be willing to try. Philippians 2:4 “Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

So far, I have played Ursid for 23.3 hours. I solved 3,000 polygons and got the “I Love You 3000” achievement. I have completed 43 out of the 60 achievements and I am still playing at times throughout the day. I took Astronomy classes in college and I wrote an astropsychology book, and I enjoy Art, so right off, I was intrigued with this game. The story is really compelling so far. I usually do not look ahead in games, so I am not exactly sure what is going on with Aster and his dad, but it feels like something sad is coming. At least that is what I am mentally preparing for as I let the story unfold. In addition, I really enjoy looking at the finished art pieces. They are totally amazing. The first day I played while I was streaming. Surprisingly, three and a half hours went by so fast. The puzzles are really enjoyable to complete. After a while of solving the puzzles, you can start to get a feel for what stars to connect. That doesn't completely take away the challenge, but it does allow you to complete the puzzles at a good pace. The artwork is breathtaking in a sort of Minecraft way if you know what I mean. It reminds me of those suncatchers you can make, where each little section is a random shape and color, and when you finish, you get a full piece of art. The lines, colors, and dots all come together to show so much motion and detail. The music is exactly the kind I listen to while streaming. I was having a romcom-type emotional moment the other day (not related to the game) and I was crying. I was able to continue playing even though I was deep in thought, but I was also aware the music fit my romcom moment perfectly. The music is so relaxing and can transport you to wherever you need to go in that moment. The first day I played while I was streaming on Twitch. Surprisingly, three and a half hours went by so fast. When I first started the game, the music was really loud. However, once the game is started you can get to the settings menu. One thing I wish the game had was an option to turn off the motion. Some stars have a blue light that circles around them. That kind of motion messes with my brain and is very distracting. This game is perfect for anyone who likes a story, patterns, simplicity, and relaxation. You do not need a block of time to play. You can play for five minutes or two hours. I personally enjoy repetition in activities, as many people do. I think a comparison between Ursid and a mandala coloring book is warranted. In Ursid, instead of coloring the shapes, you connect dots to form the shape and the shape colors itself! I definitely recommend buying Ursid on Steam if you are looking for a game to play while you unwind. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2925290/Ursid/ I am really thankful Jay from UmerGameworks reached out to me and gave me the opportunity to try it. Toi thich game nay lam! A Side Note: The Ursid meteor shower is an annual meteor shower that appears to radiate from the constellation Ursa Minor (the Little Bear). It is active from December 17th to 26th, with a peak around December 22nd. Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Kindness and grudges can coexist! You might think of yourself as a kind person. And maybe you are. You help people when they need it. You try to be understanding. You give encouragement, offer your time, and stay calm in moments when others would lose it. On the outside, there is no question: you are kind. But what people do not always see - and what you may barely admit to yourself - is the list you carry. The emotional ledger. Who forgot you. Who did not show up. Who only called when they needed something. Who disappointed you once, and never made it right. You can want peace but still carry emotional debts that never got paid. Even if you never bring it up, it is there. It affects how close you allow people to get. It decides whether you return the call, whether you accept the invitation, whether you emotionally check out of a relationship before the other person even knows something is wrong. Kindness and grudge-holding can exist in the same person. You can be kind and still hold grudges. These two things do not cancel each other out. They just create a tension inside you - between who you want to be, and what you have not let go of. It does not mean you are a bad person. It means you are human. But there is a cost. Grudge-holding slowly hardens your kindness into something transactional. You might still be nice, but your warmth becomes selective. Your emotional doors are harder to open. People might describe you as generous, but distant. Helpful, but reserved. Loyal, but not fully present. If this sounds like you, here is the hard truth: You are not protecting yourself by holding on to all the ways people failed you - you are isolating yourself. The past hurts, yes, but keeping score does not give you power. It keeps you emotionally stuck. You replay the same scene over and over and never get the closure you were hoping for. Ask yourself: What do I gain from remembering this pain so clearly? Has it protected me? Has it healed me? Or has it made me less open to the kind of connection I want most? Now flip it. Maybe you are on the other side. Maybe you are close to someone who seems kind - thoughtful, helpful, even affectionate at times - but something always feels a little off. A little cautious. A little conditional. They keep track. They seem hurt when you do not say the right thing, or show up at the right moment, or respond quickly enough. They may not tell you directly, but you feel it in the distance that follows. The quiet withdrawal and slightly colder tone. If you recognize that in someone you care about, pay attention. Not everyone holds grudges in obvious ways. Some people never raise their voice. They do not argue or accuse. They just quietly begin to emotionally subtract from the relationship - until you feel like you are giving more than you are receiving, just to maintain peace. Whether you are the one holding the grudge, or the one feeling the weight of someone else's - this is about choice. Recognizing this in yourself is not weakness - it is maturity. Letting go does not mean forgetting. It means choosing not to let old pain control your present. If this is something you noticed in another person, It is not your job to fix that in someone else. But you do need to be honest about whether their kindness is truly unconditional - or if it comes with a price that slowly drains you. Kindness is not measured just by how nice you are in the moment. It is measured by what you do with pain when it comes. Do you use it to justify distance, resentment, or withdrawal? Or do you face it, process it, and let it go for the sake of deeper connection? You cannot rewrite the past. But you can decide whether you carry it forward in every relationship - or whether you choose to make room for closeness, healing, and peace. Because kindness without emotional honesty is performance. And grudges without resolution are slow poison to yourself and your relationships. Letting go is choosing freedom - yours and theirs. Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Introduction: Living with mental health conditions, including Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder, significantly shapes how I interact with the world. Disclosing these challenges, even to strangers, helps set expectations and fosters understanding. It can seem like over-sharing to be this open, but it allows me to function with a bit more ease when people understand where I’m coming from. The reality is, living with multiple diagnoses can complicate how these conditions affect my behavior and relationships in ways that may not always be apparent. I want to first write about feeling unsupported to get that out of the way. Later, there are some suggestions on helpful things you can say or do, in response to each diagnosis. Having dealt with these mental health challenges for my entire life, I’ve learned that they are not obstacles to overcome, but integral parts of who I am. While well-meaning suggestions on how to fix me may arise, I find that they often miss the mark. Instead of seeking solutions to change my essence, what truly helps is understanding, support, and recognition of my unique character. It’s frustrating when I need to remind people about my anxiety, especially when they react negatively to my need to "step away." My anxiety can be completely unrelated to them, it may be a random thought, or in many instances, I don't know the reason, I just know I need to leave where I am at that moment. Yet, they take it personally, even when I tell them it wasn't them, and they said nothing wrong. It shouldn’t be so hard to understand my limitations and boundaries. I shouldn't have to defend my autism and the quirks attributed to being autistic. I shouldn't have to fear my PTSD will make someone uncomfortable when I have a flashback or some other reaction. I shouldn't be shamed for exhibiting signs of ADHD, because I have ADHD! I spent decades getting yelled at and shamed for things I couldn't help. I still exhibit the same behaviors! Another problem I encounter is seeing things so vividly that may or may not have happened. I find myself responding to people with what is in my head at the time, which may not always be the most accurate reflection of my thoughts.. Later, I might recall more information or find clarity, leading to a change in my story. That isn't fun and it makes me hesitant to share stories or to answer when others ask me questions. I don't want to be perceived as a liar! I have even told my therapist that she should ask me questions that I can respond to the following week! Finally, it’s dismissive to act as if my struggles are not real or it is something I can simply get over. I am not "too intelligent to have a mental illness." The same mental illness can affect people differently, and there are other factors to consider like support, available resources, and severity.. Which brings me to my next topic—multiple diagnoses. Understanding the interplay of my multiple diagnoses—Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder—requires a closer look at how each condition uniquely influences my life. Each diagnosis comes with its own set of challenges and characteristics, yet they often intersect in ways that complicate my daily experiences. This complexity is not just about managing symptoms; it’s about recognizing how these conditions interact to shape my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In the following sections, I will explore each diagnosis and comorbidity briefly, highlighting how they contribute to my overall experience and the specific challenges they present. Autism: Autism manifests differently for everyone, and for me, it often involves sensory sensitivities and communication challenges. Situations that might seem routine to others can become overwhelming. Things like giving me too much information at once, unfamiliar environments, repetitive sounds like humming or tapping can quickly cause sensory overload, leading me to a sharp reaction or need to step away. Sudden change is very difficult to process. If I am experiencing a meltdown, I can become overwhelmed with emotion that may be expressed through anger or sadness. I have a touch sensitivity with the texture of some paper and books. I have above-average intelligence, which can create a false perception that I don’t struggle, leading to misunderstandings about my abilities. I am a truth seeker, with a strong sense of what is just and fair, and I hold people accountable for their words and actions.. In relationships, this can come across as being harsh, or confrontational, when really, I'm just trying to manage my environment and my emotions. Sometimes I struggle to read social cues or respond in the 'typical' way, which might make interactions awkward. How You Can Help: If I say I need to step away or take a break, please don't take it personally—avoid pushing me to stay. Be patient if I'm slow to respond or seem overwhelmed. Try to limit sensory input (lower the volume, give me space) when you notice I'm getting stressed. ADHD: ADHD, for me, means difficulty with focus, organization, and sometimes even completing simple tasks. My mind is often racing with a million thoughts, which can lead to being easily distracted, restless, and forgetful. I will often say, "what?" when someone speaks to me because there is a processing delay. I typically respond with an answer before the person can repeat what was said. This can be frustrating for the other person. This isn't about a lack of effort—it's the way my brain is wired. In social settings, I may jump from one topic to another, interrupt unintentionally, or struggle to maintain focus during a conversation. If I don’t follow through on a task or seem disorganized, it’s not because I don’t care—it’s because I’m genuinely struggling with executive function. How You Can Help: Be understanding if I forget something or need reminders, without making me feel guilty. Just know, I am not doing things like leaving cabinet doors open intentionally! If I say "what?" at that moment, I honestly don't know what was said, but give it several seconds, my processor is slow, and I may actually know what was said. Give me time to get organized or complete a task without rushing or pressuring me. Help me break down big tasks into smaller, more manageable steps when I seem overwhelmed. I know this helps, but I often forget to apply this strategy in the moment, so gentle reminders can be beneficial. PTSD: PTSD can be one of the most invisible yet debilitating aspects of my mental health. Certain sounds, smells, or situations can trigger flashbacks, anxiety, or panic attacks. These triggers are often unpredictable, and I may not even realize what's setting me off until it’s too late. In these moments, I can become highly alert to perceived danger, distant, or become irritable. In relationships, PTSD can make trust difficult, and I might seem quiet, withdrawn or afraid. It's not a reflection of my feelings toward someone, but rather my need to protect myself in moments of high stress or fear. Something that is easily handled today, may be a trigger tomorrow. It is something I cant control, and I know you don't want me to be this way—I don't want to be this way either. With this understanding, I hope to foster trust and deeper connections with those around me. How You Can Help: Encourage me to talk about or do things I am not comfortable with, but avoid pushing me, especially when I seem anxious. In the same vain, don't discourage me when I am hesitant. Respect my boundaries if I need space or am triggered by something. Try to notice when I’m becoming overwhelmed and help create a calmer environment if possible. Even ask if I would like to take a break. Severe Anxiety Disorder: Severe anxiety is more than just worrying; it can take over my entire thought process, making even simple decisions feel overwhelming. I live with this anxiety 24/7, and while it often isn’t rational, it exists and affects my daily life in significant ways. Social situations can be particularly difficult, as my mind races with what-if scenarios. In these moments, I might experience a full-on panic attack, leaving me feeling trapped and unable to respond to those around me. This racing mind hinders my ability to engage in conversations fully, making me appear distant or disconnected. When anxiety strikes, my ability to function normally takes a huge hit. I often find myself pacing the floor at varying speeds, unsure of what to do or how to stop. Internally, my thoughts are running rampant, and my heart pounds. Only later, after I've calmed down, does my rationality return, and I can feel relief knowing that another crisis has been averted. Another reaction to anxiety can be a strong urge to run or flee from the situation. After taking some time away, I can return with clearer thinking, allowing me to process the moment more effectively. Understanding this aspect of my mental health can help others see that my reactions are often not a reflection of my feelings toward them but rather a response to the intense pressure of my anxiety. How You Can Help: If I say I need a moment to gather my thoughts, please respect that and avoid putting pressure on me. Offer reassurance in a calm and steady way if I seem anxious, but don’t try to "fix" the situation. Give me space to make decisions, and don’t rush or overwhelm me with too many choices at once. If you see me pacing the floor, ask me about it, and let me know I am pacing. Comorbidity: Managing life with just one diagnosis—Autism, ADHD, PTSD, or Severe Anxiety Disorder—is difficult enough, but having all four, along with other challenges, creates a constant struggle. The interplay among these conditions generates a wide range of emotions that can be triggered at any moment, making it challenging to control my responses. Each diagnosis contributes uniquely to my experiences, often overlapping and amplifying one another. Think of comorbidity like having a group of friends, each representing a different mental health condition in your life. Anxiety is that friend who always shows up unexpectedly, bringing a whirlwind of thoughts and worries. Then there’s ADHD, the energetic buddy who loves to keep things spontaneous and sometimes distracts everyone from the main conversation. Next is PTSD, the friend who occasionally brings up tough memories that everyone would prefer to forget, which can make gatherings feel heavy. Finally, there’s Autism, the friend who adds a unique perspective to the group. Some friends get along really well, like Anxiety and ADHD, who often have a wild time together. However, PTSD can clash with both, making things complicated. Just like friendships, these dynamics can change daily; one might be more prominent or easier to manage on some days than others. Sometimes Autism helps clarify misunderstandings, while other times he can create confusion, showing just how complex our interactions can be! Understanding how these "friends" interact helps make sense of the complexity of living with multiple conditions. For instance, my ADHD may lead to impulsivity, making it hard to stay focused in conversations, while my anxiety can create a sense of paralysis that prevents me from speaking up. Similarly, the sensory sensitivities associated with Autism can clash with the hyperactivity from ADHD, resulting in overwhelming moments that leave me feeling drained or extremely anxious. This intricate relationship means that I can’t always pinpoint what’s causing a particular feeling or behavior; instead, I just accept the fact that one diagnosis often counteracts or intensifies the effects of another. This complexity underscores the need for understanding and support, as somethings I do or say are often beyond my control. How You Can Help: Learn about each diagnosis on a basic level. They affect everyone differently. Understand how one diagnosis can counter or intensify the other diagnoses. Feel free to ask me anything—I’ll be more than happy to help you help me. A little bit of patience from others can go a long way. Recognize I am struggling, and offer reassurance. Memory Function and Mental Illness In some cases, I have an excellent memory, especially when it comes to dates and numbers. I pick up on patterns and find them both interesting and exciting. In addition, when I encounter information that doesn’t make sense to me, it lingers in the back of my mind, impossible to forget. It stays there until something finally triggers a connection, and once it makes sense, I can finally let it go and forget it. At other times, though, I struggle to recall even basic information without hints. This contrast is especially noticeable in my language learning endeavor—multiple choice is a breeze compared to fill in the blank lessons without a word bank to help. After doing some research, I’ve learned that the process of recalling information without hints, known as free recall, can be particularly challenging. Free recall is mainly handled by the hippocampus and parts of the prefrontal cortex in the brain. The hippocampus helps store and retrieve memories, while the prefrontal cortex assists in organizing and accessing them. When I try to recall something without any external cues, like remembering details about a movie, lyrics to a song or how to say, how are you?" in a foreign language, the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex are the brain regions that work together. On the other hand, recognition memory, which involves identifying familiar information when given hints or options, relies on areas like the parahippocampal cortex and the entorhinal cortex. These parts of the brain help me recognize scenes from a movie, sing along to songs, and study 22 languages for example, when I’m given a clue.. I’ve noticed that while I struggle with free recall, I perform quite well when I have hints, and this tendency can sometimes be seen in several neurocognitive conditions. Specialists have already confirmed my diagnoses, and it’s interesting to see the correlation between my memory and my conditions: ADHD  – People with ADHD often struggle with working memory, which involves holding and manipulating information in the short term. This affects their ability to recall information on demand, particularly without external cues. The brain's executive function, responsible for organizing and retrieving information, can be underactive, making it harder to access memories spontaneously. ADHD also impacts attention and focus, meaning if the information wasn't encoded properly due to distractions, it may be harder to retrieve later. Structured prompts or specific cues often help trigger the memory more easily. This could explain why I struggle in situations where I need to recall specific details on the spot, but with a little prompting, I can access the information more easily. Anxiety  – Anxiety impairs memory because it heightens arousal and stress, which divert cognitive resources away from proper information encoding and retrieval. When anxious, the brain prioritizes immediate perceived threats, reducing focus and making it harder to process and store details. The constant mental "noise" from anxious thoughts can block access to stored information, leading to memory lapses. Additionally, anxiety often causes emotional memory to take precedence, so while the feelings about an experience may be easily recalled, the specific facts or details are harder to retrieve. This aligns with my experience of often remembering my emotional reactions, but I find it difficult to pull up any specific facts or details about general topics. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)  –For individuals with ASD, memory processing can be atypical, often relying more on recognition or pattern-based recall than free recall. The challenges stem from differences in how information is encoded, with difficulties in processing abstract concepts or social nuances. This can make retrieving information from memory without explicit prompts difficult, especially if the context isn't clear. However, when information is presented in a structured, familiar, or patterned way, it may be easier for them to remember. Context and recognition often play a key role in aiding their recall abilities. This highlights why I remember certain facts or patterns, but struggle to pull information from my mind without a trigger. PTSD  – PTSD can disrupt normal memory function through emotional and cognitive interference. In PTSD, the brain's heightened state of alertness can lead to fragmented memory encoding, meaning information isn’t stored efficiently. Trauma-related memories can dominate, making it hard to access non-trauma-related memories. Furthermore, the brain may prioritize these negative emotions over neutral or positive memories, resulting in more vivid recollection of traumatic or distressing events, while everyday details become harder to retrieve. This is why flashbacks can bring back specific moments vividly, while day-to-day recall feels sluggish or blocked. This helps me understand why I have a lot of blank spots in my memory. Things I seem to remember are negative memories and due to the trauma, positive or neutral memories can't be retrieved Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI)  – MCI primarily affects memory by weakening the ability to recall information independently. The brain processes and stores information less efficiently than expected for age, so free recall, which requires pulling information from memory without hints, becomes more difficult. This is because the pathways for accessing stored memories begin to degrade, even though the information might still be there. Recognition, however, remains less affected since it involves identifying familiar information, which relies on different brain functions that remain intact longer. I sometimes become very frustrated when I’m unable to recall information, and I feel that my declining memory is not due to aging, but thankfully it doesn’t yet disrupt my everyday activities . Having spoken with both neurological and psychological specialists about my memory challenges, I understand that memory difficulties like this can vary greatly, and it’s reassuring to know that what I experience isn’t uncommon given my diagnoses. This information is useful in helping me develop coping strategies that work for me. Conclusion: I realize this is a lot of information to process, but it’s necessary for me to share how these challenges shape my life. Disclosing these difficulties helps me set expectations with the people around me. It’s easy to let someone know that I struggle with these conditions, and knowing that others understand where I’m coming from can make all the difference. Small actions—like giving me space, being patient, and being cognizant of my struggles, along with reassuring me if you notice I'm getting anxious—can have a big impact. Living with Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder is a daily effort, but having a little support from those around me makes it more manageable. It's funny, sometimes I find myself wondering which part of me is influencing my thoughts and actions in certain situations. Was that my Autism questioning that sentence? Or was it my Anxiety, second-guessing everything I write? Then again, maybe it was my ADHD, making me lose focus of the topic altogether. It's hard to say! But then it hits me—perhaps it's just my PTSD chiming in, a reminder of that college professor who ridiculed my writing when I was just 15 years old.. That experience left a mark, and sometimes it resurfaces unexpectedly. It’s a wild ride—comorbidity—and a clear illustration of how each of these parts of me creates a mental health mashup. I am who I am, but am I who I was supposed to be? I was uniquely created, with my individual traits and experiences that contribute to who I am today and who I will become tomorrow and beyond. Accepting my individuality is necessary, as it shapes my path and purpose in life. Writing and sharing my story is a testament to God's work. Ephesians 2:10  “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”