I have always been able to adapt to what someone else is doing, almost without thinking. If they are interested in something, I can easily step into that space with them. That kind of flexibility comes naturally to me, but I have noticed it is not something most people do. Many seem more rooted in their own routines, interests, or preferences. They do not shift as easily, and they do not always understand why I do. For me, it feels normal—like connection matters more than control. I am learning that this kind of adaptability is not as common as I thought. It can make me feel out of place because most people seem to have a strong sense of what they like or do not like—and they often expect others to be the same. Overall, I do not have strong likes or dislikes—television, movies, food, music, sports—I am open to new possibilities! Being highly adaptable, people might see it as indecisiveness, inauthenticity, or even a lack of personality, even though I can be indecisive, that is not what this is about. I notice that others hold tightly to their preferences, while I am more focused on connection or harmony. That difference can leave me feeling misunderstood, or like my way of relating does not quite fit in. Not everyone knows what they like. That might sound strange, but it is true. Some people grow up without being asked what they want. Others learn to keep quiet to avoid conflict. Some go numb after trauma or heartbreak. And some just feel more interested in what someone else enjoys—especially when that someone means a lot to them. Sometimes you really do start liking something after you meet a person who lights up when they talk about it. That shared interest might begin as curiosity, but it can turn into something real. You do not have to be just like them to feel connected—but finding common ground can make you feel closer without losing yourself. You want to feel closer to them. Liking the same things creates a sense of connection. When you show interest in what they enjoy, it builds a bridge between you and makes it easier to bond. You enjoy seeing them happy. Their enthusiasm becomes contagious. Even if something was not interesting to you before, seeing how much joy it brings them can make you curious enough to try it—and sometimes you end up liking it too. You want to spend more time with them. If they love hiking, gaming, cooking, or reading sci-fi, and you start doing it too, you naturally create more chances to be around them. It gives you shared activities, which means shared time. You respect their taste. When you admire someone, you often trust their opinions. So, if they are passionate about a movie genre, a hobby, or a subject, you might give it a chance because you believe there must be something worthwhile in it. You want to understand them better. Their interests might reflect how they think, feel, or see the world. By learning about what they love, you gain insight into who they are. It helps you connect on a deeper level. You genuinely grow to like the same things. This is not pretending. Sometimes, just being open-minded and exposed to new things through someone else helps you discover something you never knew you would enjoy. You feel more included. If they are talking about things they love, and you are not familiar, it can make you feel left out. Learning about their interests helps you feel involved in their world. You want to show you care. Taking the time to learn about and share their interests is a form of affection. It is a way of saying, “What matters to you matters to me.” You like who you become when you are with them. Sometimes the things you adopt from someone else lead to personal growth. You may feel more creative, adventurous, or thoughtful. Liking what they like can make you feel like a better version of yourself. Wanting to share someone's interests can come from a healthy place—connection, curiosity, admiration, or care. You might think you are just being agreeable or open-minded, but there are times when that pattern is rooted in something harder to face—like emotional numbness, people-pleasing, or the effects of past trauma. What looks like flexibility on the surface might actually be a survival strategy you have carried for years. It can reflect emotional numbness or detachment Sometimes, not having strong preferences is a symptom of depression, burnout, or trauma. When you are overwhelmed or emotionally shut down, you might lose access to your own desires or feelings. It is not that you do not care—it is that you cannot care right then. This can include not knowing what you like to eat, watch, listen to, or do. It can be rooted in people-pleasing or fawning Some people learn—especially from early life experiences or difficult relationships—that their preferences are less important than keeping others comfortable. So you may suppress your likes and dislikes, always deferring to what others want. Over time, you might stop even knowing what you want. It might be about low curiosity or passivity In some cases, someone may never have explored their likes or dislikes because they were never encouraged to do so. If no one ever asked you what you liked, or if you were always told what to do, you may have never developed that internal compass. You may live reactively, instead of intentionally. It can be a sign of extreme flexibility or indifference Some people genuinely just go along with things and feel okay either way. But even then, most people still have some preferences or interests. If you claim to never care about anything, it can raise a flag that something deeper is going on—whether emotional, psychological, or behavioral. In relationships, it can create imbalance If you are with someone who never has opinions or desires of their own, it can feel like everything falls on you. They may say, “Whatever you want,” but over time that can feel like disinterest, disconnection, or emotional laziness. You may start to feel alone, even if they are physically present. Final thoughts People influence each other all the time. Attraction and admiration are powerful motivators, and sometimes they unlock parts of you that were just waiting for the right reason to come alive. Not having strong preferences is not a problem if it comes from peace and openness. But if it comes from fear, trauma, or avoidance, then it becomes a barrier to connection and authenticity. When you are a naturally adaptable person, being with someone who is rigid in their preferences can be exhausting. You might keep offering suggestions, trying to find something you can both enjoy, but everything is met with “no” or “not interested” for one reason or another. It feels like they are not even willing to meet you halfway. You are not asking them to love everything—you just want them to be willing to try. Philippians 2:4 “Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

So far, I have played Ursid for 23.3 hours. I solved 3,000 polygons and got the “I Love You 3000” achievement. I have completed 43 out of the 60 achievements and I am still playing at times throughout the day. I took Astronomy classes in college and I wrote an astropsychology book, and I enjoy Art, so right off, I was intrigued with this game. The story is really compelling so far. I usually do not look ahead in games, so I am not exactly sure what is going on with Aster and his dad, but it feels like something sad is coming. At least that is what I am mentally preparing for as I let the story unfold. In addition, I really enjoy looking at the finished art pieces. They are totally amazing. The first day I played while I was streaming. Surprisingly, three and a half hours went by so fast. The puzzles are really enjoyable to complete. After a while of solving the puzzles, you can start to get a feel for what stars to connect. That doesn't completely take away the challenge, but it does allow you to complete the puzzles at a good pace. The artwork is breathtaking in a sort of Minecraft way if you know what I mean. It reminds me of those suncatchers you can make, where each little section is a random shape and color, and when you finish, you get a full piece of art. The lines, colors, and dots all come together to show so much motion and detail. The music is exactly the kind I listen to while streaming. I was having a romcom-type emotional moment the other day (not related to the game) and I was crying. I was able to continue playing even though I was deep in thought, but I was also aware the music fit my romcom moment perfectly. The music is so relaxing and can transport you to wherever you need to go in that moment. The first day I played while I was streaming on Twitch. Surprisingly, three and a half hours went by so fast. When I first started the game, the music was really loud. However, once the game is started you can get to the settings menu. One thing I wish the game had was an option to turn off the motion. Some stars have a blue light that circles around them. That kind of motion messes with my brain and is very distracting. This game is perfect for anyone who likes a story, patterns, simplicity, and relaxation. You do not need a block of time to play. You can play for five minutes or two hours. I personally enjoy repetition in activities, as many people do. I think a comparison between Ursid and a mandala coloring book is warranted. In Ursid, instead of coloring the shapes, you connect dots to form the shape and the shape colors itself! I definitely recommend buying Ursid on Steam if you are looking for a game to play while you unwind. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2925290/Ursid/ I am really thankful Jay from UmerGameworks reached out to me and gave me the opportunity to try it. Toi thich game nay lam! A Side Note: The Ursid meteor shower is an annual meteor shower that appears to radiate from the constellation Ursa Minor (the Little Bear). It is active from December 17th to 26th, with a peak around December 22nd. Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Kindness and grudges can coexist! You might think of yourself as a kind person. And maybe you are. You help people when they need it. You try to be understanding. You give encouragement, offer your time, and stay calm in moments when others would lose it. On the outside, there is no question: you are kind. But what people do not always see - and what you may barely admit to yourself - is the list you carry. The emotional ledger. Who forgot you. Who did not show up. Who only called when they needed something. Who disappointed you once, and never made it right. You can want peace but still carry emotional debts that never got paid. Even if you never bring it up, it is there. It affects how close you allow people to get. It decides whether you return the call, whether you accept the invitation, whether you emotionally check out of a relationship before the other person even knows something is wrong. Kindness and grudge-holding can exist in the same person. You can be kind and still hold grudges. These two things do not cancel each other out. They just create a tension inside you - between who you want to be, and what you have not let go of. It does not mean you are a bad person. It means you are human. But there is a cost. Grudge-holding slowly hardens your kindness into something transactional. You might still be nice, but your warmth becomes selective. Your emotional doors are harder to open. People might describe you as generous, but distant. Helpful, but reserved. Loyal, but not fully present. If this sounds like you, here is the hard truth: You are not protecting yourself by holding on to all the ways people failed you - you are isolating yourself. The past hurts, yes, but keeping score does not give you power. It keeps you emotionally stuck. You replay the same scene over and over and never get the closure you were hoping for. Ask yourself: What do I gain from remembering this pain so clearly? Has it protected me? Has it healed me? Or has it made me less open to the kind of connection I want most? Now flip it. Maybe you are on the other side. Maybe you are close to someone who seems kind - thoughtful, helpful, even affectionate at times - but something always feels a little off. A little cautious. A little conditional. They keep track. They seem hurt when you do not say the right thing, or show up at the right moment, or respond quickly enough. They may not tell you directly, but you feel it in the distance that follows. The quiet withdrawal and slightly colder tone. If you recognize that in someone you care about, pay attention. Not everyone holds grudges in obvious ways. Some people never raise their voice. They do not argue or accuse. They just quietly begin to emotionally subtract from the relationship - until you feel like you are giving more than you are receiving, just to maintain peace. Whether you are the one holding the grudge, or the one feeling the weight of someone else's - this is about choice. Recognizing this in yourself is not weakness - it is maturity. Letting go does not mean forgetting. It means choosing not to let old pain control your present. If this is something you noticed in another person, It is not your job to fix that in someone else. But you do need to be honest about whether their kindness is truly unconditional - or if it comes with a price that slowly drains you. Kindness is not measured just by how nice you are in the moment. It is measured by what you do with pain when it comes. Do you use it to justify distance, resentment, or withdrawal? Or do you face it, process it, and let it go for the sake of deeper connection? You cannot rewrite the past. But you can decide whether you carry it forward in every relationship - or whether you choose to make room for closeness, healing, and peace. Because kindness without emotional honesty is performance. And grudges without resolution are slow poison to yourself and your relationships. Letting go is choosing freedom - yours and theirs. Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Introduction: Living with mental health conditions, including Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder, significantly shapes how I interact with the world. Disclosing these challenges, even to strangers, helps set expectations and fosters understanding. It can seem like over-sharing to be this open, but it allows me to function with a bit more ease when people understand where I’m coming from. The reality is, living with multiple diagnoses can complicate how these conditions affect my behavior and relationships in ways that may not always be apparent. I want to first write about feeling unsupported to get that out of the way. Later, there are some suggestions on helpful things you can say or do, in response to each diagnosis. Having dealt with these mental health challenges for my entire life, I’ve learned that they are not obstacles to overcome, but integral parts of who I am. While well-meaning suggestions on how to fix me may arise, I find that they often miss the mark. Instead of seeking solutions to change my essence, what truly helps is understanding, support, and recognition of my unique character. It’s frustrating when I need to remind people about my anxiety, especially when they react negatively to my need to "step away." My anxiety can be completely unrelated to them, it may be a random thought, or in many instances, I don't know the reason, I just know I need to leave where I am at that moment. Yet, they take it personally, even when I tell them it wasn't them, and they said nothing wrong. It shouldn’t be so hard to understand my limitations and boundaries. I shouldn't have to defend my autism and the quirks attributed to being autistic. I shouldn't have to fear my PTSD will make someone uncomfortable when I have a flashback or some other reaction. I shouldn't be shamed for exhibiting signs of ADHD, because I have ADHD! I spent decades getting yelled at and shamed for things I couldn't help. I still exhibit the same behaviors! Another problem I encounter is seeing things so vividly that may or may not have happened. I find myself responding to people with what is in my head at the time, which may not always be the most accurate reflection of my thoughts.. Later, I might recall more information or find clarity, leading to a change in my story. That isn't fun and it makes me hesitant to share stories or to answer when others ask me questions. I don't want to be perceived as a liar! I have even told my therapist that she should ask me questions that I can respond to the following week! Finally, it’s dismissive to act as if my struggles are not real or it is something I can simply get over. I am not "too intelligent to have a mental illness." The same mental illness can affect people differently, and there are other factors to consider like support, available resources, and severity.. Which brings me to my next topic—multiple diagnoses. Understanding the interplay of my multiple diagnoses—Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder—requires a closer look at how each condition uniquely influences my life. Each diagnosis comes with its own set of challenges and characteristics, yet they often intersect in ways that complicate my daily experiences. This complexity is not just about managing symptoms; it’s about recognizing how these conditions interact to shape my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In the following sections, I will explore each diagnosis and comorbidity briefly, highlighting how they contribute to my overall experience and the specific challenges they present. Autism: Autism manifests differently for everyone, and for me, it often involves sensory sensitivities and communication challenges. Situations that might seem routine to others can become overwhelming. Things like giving me too much information at once, unfamiliar environments, repetitive sounds like humming or tapping can quickly cause sensory overload, leading me to a sharp reaction or need to step away. Sudden change is very difficult to process. If I am experiencing a meltdown, I can become overwhelmed with emotion that may be expressed through anger or sadness. I have a touch sensitivity with the texture of some paper and books. I have above-average intelligence, which can create a false perception that I don’t struggle, leading to misunderstandings about my abilities. I am a truth seeker, with a strong sense of what is just and fair, and I hold people accountable for their words and actions.. In relationships, this can come across as being harsh, or confrontational, when really, I'm just trying to manage my environment and my emotions. Sometimes I struggle to read social cues or respond in the 'typical' way, which might make interactions awkward. How You Can Help: If I say I need to step away or take a break, please don't take it personally—avoid pushing me to stay. Be patient if I'm slow to respond or seem overwhelmed. Try to limit sensory input (lower the volume, give me space) when you notice I'm getting stressed. ADHD: ADHD, for me, means difficulty with focus, organization, and sometimes even completing simple tasks. My mind is often racing with a million thoughts, which can lead to being easily distracted, restless, and forgetful. I will often say, "what?" when someone speaks to me because there is a processing delay. I typically respond with an answer before the person can repeat what was said. This can be frustrating for the other person. This isn't about a lack of effort—it's the way my brain is wired. In social settings, I may jump from one topic to another, interrupt unintentionally, or struggle to maintain focus during a conversation. If I don’t follow through on a task or seem disorganized, it’s not because I don’t care—it’s because I’m genuinely struggling with executive function. How You Can Help: Be understanding if I forget something or need reminders, without making me feel guilty. Just know, I am not doing things like leaving cabinet doors open intentionally! If I say "what?" at that moment, I honestly don't know what was said, but give it several seconds, my processor is slow, and I may actually know what was said. Give me time to get organized or complete a task without rushing or pressuring me. Help me break down big tasks into smaller, more manageable steps when I seem overwhelmed. I know this helps, but I often forget to apply this strategy in the moment, so gentle reminders can be beneficial. PTSD: PTSD can be one of the most invisible yet debilitating aspects of my mental health. Certain sounds, smells, or situations can trigger flashbacks, anxiety, or panic attacks. These triggers are often unpredictable, and I may not even realize what's setting me off until it’s too late. In these moments, I can become highly alert to perceived danger, distant, or become irritable. In relationships, PTSD can make trust difficult, and I might seem quiet, withdrawn or afraid. It's not a reflection of my feelings toward someone, but rather my need to protect myself in moments of high stress or fear. Something that is easily handled today, may be a trigger tomorrow. It is something I cant control, and I know you don't want me to be this way—I don't want to be this way either. With this understanding, I hope to foster trust and deeper connections with those around me. How You Can Help: Encourage me to talk about or do things I am not comfortable with, but avoid pushing me, especially when I seem anxious. In the same vain, don't discourage me when I am hesitant. Respect my boundaries if I need space or am triggered by something. Try to notice when I’m becoming overwhelmed and help create a calmer environment if possible. Even ask if I would like to take a break. Severe Anxiety Disorder: Severe anxiety is more than just worrying; it can take over my entire thought process, making even simple decisions feel overwhelming. I live with this anxiety 24/7, and while it often isn’t rational, it exists and affects my daily life in significant ways. Social situations can be particularly difficult, as my mind races with what-if scenarios. In these moments, I might experience a full-on panic attack, leaving me feeling trapped and unable to respond to those around me. This racing mind hinders my ability to engage in conversations fully, making me appear distant or disconnected. When anxiety strikes, my ability to function normally takes a huge hit. I often find myself pacing the floor at varying speeds, unsure of what to do or how to stop. Internally, my thoughts are running rampant, and my heart pounds. Only later, after I've calmed down, does my rationality return, and I can feel relief knowing that another crisis has been averted. Another reaction to anxiety can be a strong urge to run or flee from the situation. After taking some time away, I can return with clearer thinking, allowing me to process the moment more effectively. Understanding this aspect of my mental health can help others see that my reactions are often not a reflection of my feelings toward them but rather a response to the intense pressure of my anxiety. How You Can Help: If I say I need a moment to gather my thoughts, please respect that and avoid putting pressure on me. Offer reassurance in a calm and steady way if I seem anxious, but don’t try to "fix" the situation. Give me space to make decisions, and don’t rush or overwhelm me with too many choices at once. If you see me pacing the floor, ask me about it, and let me know I am pacing. Comorbidity: Managing life with just one diagnosis—Autism, ADHD, PTSD, or Severe Anxiety Disorder—is difficult enough, but having all four, along with other challenges, creates a constant struggle. The interplay among these conditions generates a wide range of emotions that can be triggered at any moment, making it challenging to control my responses. Each diagnosis contributes uniquely to my experiences, often overlapping and amplifying one another. Think of comorbidity like having a group of friends, each representing a different mental health condition in your life. Anxiety is that friend who always shows up unexpectedly, bringing a whirlwind of thoughts and worries. Then there’s ADHD, the energetic buddy who loves to keep things spontaneous and sometimes distracts everyone from the main conversation. Next is PTSD, the friend who occasionally brings up tough memories that everyone would prefer to forget, which can make gatherings feel heavy. Finally, there’s Autism, the friend who adds a unique perspective to the group. Some friends get along really well, like Anxiety and ADHD, who often have a wild time together. However, PTSD can clash with both, making things complicated. Just like friendships, these dynamics can change daily; one might be more prominent or easier to manage on some days than others. Sometimes Autism helps clarify misunderstandings, while other times he can create confusion, showing just how complex our interactions can be! Understanding how these "friends" interact helps make sense of the complexity of living with multiple conditions. For instance, my ADHD may lead to impulsivity, making it hard to stay focused in conversations, while my anxiety can create a sense of paralysis that prevents me from speaking up. Similarly, the sensory sensitivities associated with Autism can clash with the hyperactivity from ADHD, resulting in overwhelming moments that leave me feeling drained or extremely anxious. This intricate relationship means that I can’t always pinpoint what’s causing a particular feeling or behavior; instead, I just accept the fact that one diagnosis often counteracts or intensifies the effects of another. This complexity underscores the need for understanding and support, as somethings I do or say are often beyond my control. How You Can Help: Learn about each diagnosis on a basic level. They affect everyone differently. Understand how one diagnosis can counter or intensify the other diagnoses. Feel free to ask me anything—I’ll be more than happy to help you help me. A little bit of patience from others can go a long way. Recognize I am struggling, and offer reassurance. Memory Function and Mental Illness In some cases, I have an excellent memory, especially when it comes to dates and numbers. I pick up on patterns and find them both interesting and exciting. In addition, when I encounter information that doesn’t make sense to me, it lingers in the back of my mind, impossible to forget. It stays there until something finally triggers a connection, and once it makes sense, I can finally let it go and forget it. At other times, though, I struggle to recall even basic information without hints. This contrast is especially noticeable in my language learning endeavor—multiple choice is a breeze compared to fill in the blank lessons without a word bank to help. After doing some research, I’ve learned that the process of recalling information without hints, known as free recall, can be particularly challenging. Free recall is mainly handled by the hippocampus and parts of the prefrontal cortex in the brain. The hippocampus helps store and retrieve memories, while the prefrontal cortex assists in organizing and accessing them. When I try to recall something without any external cues, like remembering details about a movie, lyrics to a song or how to say, how are you?" in a foreign language, the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex are the brain regions that work together. On the other hand, recognition memory, which involves identifying familiar information when given hints or options, relies on areas like the parahippocampal cortex and the entorhinal cortex. These parts of the brain help me recognize scenes from a movie, sing along to songs, and study 22 languages for example, when I’m given a clue.. I’ve noticed that while I struggle with free recall, I perform quite well when I have hints, and this tendency can sometimes be seen in several neurocognitive conditions. Specialists have already confirmed my diagnoses, and it’s interesting to see the correlation between my memory and my conditions: ADHD  – People with ADHD often struggle with working memory, which involves holding and manipulating information in the short term. This affects their ability to recall information on demand, particularly without external cues. The brain's executive function, responsible for organizing and retrieving information, can be underactive, making it harder to access memories spontaneously. ADHD also impacts attention and focus, meaning if the information wasn't encoded properly due to distractions, it may be harder to retrieve later. Structured prompts or specific cues often help trigger the memory more easily. This could explain why I struggle in situations where I need to recall specific details on the spot, but with a little prompting, I can access the information more easily. Anxiety  – Anxiety impairs memory because it heightens arousal and stress, which divert cognitive resources away from proper information encoding and retrieval. When anxious, the brain prioritizes immediate perceived threats, reducing focus and making it harder to process and store details. The constant mental "noise" from anxious thoughts can block access to stored information, leading to memory lapses. Additionally, anxiety often causes emotional memory to take precedence, so while the feelings about an experience may be easily recalled, the specific facts or details are harder to retrieve. This aligns with my experience of often remembering my emotional reactions, but I find it difficult to pull up any specific facts or details about general topics. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)  –For individuals with ASD, memory processing can be atypical, often relying more on recognition or pattern-based recall than free recall. The challenges stem from differences in how information is encoded, with difficulties in processing abstract concepts or social nuances. This can make retrieving information from memory without explicit prompts difficult, especially if the context isn't clear. However, when information is presented in a structured, familiar, or patterned way, it may be easier for them to remember. Context and recognition often play a key role in aiding their recall abilities. This highlights why I remember certain facts or patterns, but struggle to pull information from my mind without a trigger. PTSD  – PTSD can disrupt normal memory function through emotional and cognitive interference. In PTSD, the brain's heightened state of alertness can lead to fragmented memory encoding, meaning information isn’t stored efficiently. Trauma-related memories can dominate, making it hard to access non-trauma-related memories. Furthermore, the brain may prioritize these negative emotions over neutral or positive memories, resulting in more vivid recollection of traumatic or distressing events, while everyday details become harder to retrieve. This is why flashbacks can bring back specific moments vividly, while day-to-day recall feels sluggish or blocked. This helps me understand why I have a lot of blank spots in my memory. Things I seem to remember are negative memories and due to the trauma, positive or neutral memories can't be retrieved Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI)  – MCI primarily affects memory by weakening the ability to recall information independently. The brain processes and stores information less efficiently than expected for age, so free recall, which requires pulling information from memory without hints, becomes more difficult. This is because the pathways for accessing stored memories begin to degrade, even though the information might still be there. Recognition, however, remains less affected since it involves identifying familiar information, which relies on different brain functions that remain intact longer. I sometimes become very frustrated when I’m unable to recall information, and I feel that my declining memory is not due to aging, but thankfully it doesn’t yet disrupt my everyday activities . Having spoken with both neurological and psychological specialists about my memory challenges, I understand that memory difficulties like this can vary greatly, and it’s reassuring to know that what I experience isn’t uncommon given my diagnoses. This information is useful in helping me develop coping strategies that work for me. Conclusion: I realize this is a lot of information to process, but it’s necessary for me to share how these challenges shape my life. Disclosing these difficulties helps me set expectations with the people around me. It’s easy to let someone know that I struggle with these conditions, and knowing that others understand where I’m coming from can make all the difference. Small actions—like giving me space, being patient, and being cognizant of my struggles, along with reassuring me if you notice I'm getting anxious—can have a big impact. Living with Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder is a daily effort, but having a little support from those around me makes it more manageable. It's funny, sometimes I find myself wondering which part of me is influencing my thoughts and actions in certain situations. Was that my Autism questioning that sentence? Or was it my Anxiety, second-guessing everything I write? Then again, maybe it was my ADHD, making me lose focus of the topic altogether. It's hard to say! But then it hits me—perhaps it's just my PTSD chiming in, a reminder of that college professor who ridiculed my writing when I was just 15 years old.. That experience left a mark, and sometimes it resurfaces unexpectedly. It’s a wild ride—comorbidity—and a clear illustration of how each of these parts of me creates a mental health mashup. I am who I am, but am I who I was supposed to be? I was uniquely created, with my individual traits and experiences that contribute to who I am today and who I will become tomorrow and beyond. Accepting my individuality is necessary, as it shapes my path and purpose in life. Writing and sharing my story is a testament to God's work. Ephesians 2:10  “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

I am writing about the connection I had with someone I met while on a fresh air/smoke break in Washington DC. I would later learn his name was David. It turns out David came from Albany, NY on a different train than the one I took from Rome, NY. I boarded my train at 7:45 AM with Albany being a stop around the 10 AM hour. He got on his train at around 7:00 AM after driving well over an hour to the train station. Interestingly, the Rome train station was closer to him in Cooperstown, but his ride preferred the roads to Albany. He arrived at Penn Station in NYC with a five hour layover. I only had a two hour layover. I could only imagine how it would have been if we had met twelve hours earlier. I arrived at the Rome station on time thanks to my Uber driver Timothy. I learned Timothy served in the Army during the 1980s. The unmanned station was empty, but thankfully it was daylight because the inside was dark with plywood and metal bars created corridors. There were few signs, but somehow I found the tracks by way of the elevator. I took a video of my train arriving, and it appeared the engineer did two short blasts on the horn when I waved at him. I don't know if it is true, but that is the story I am going with if anyone asks. I was really just happy I made it to the station without delay. My trip from Rome to New York City went pretty fast. I met Jason on the train—he was on his way to a friend’s wedding. He seemed nervous and uncertain about what to expect. I overheard him chatting with his sister and his seatmate. Like many, his family dynamic sounded dysfunctional. I gave him one of my cards because he sounded like he could use a friend. He already found my Twitch channel and followed. He got off the train in Poughkeepsie, NY. My seatmate, if I remember her name was Lynette, was quiet during the trip, but talked pleasantly when we were nearing New York City. She definitely helped me so I wouldn't feel so lost when we arrived at Penn Station - Moynihan Hall. Moynihan Hall at Penn station was beautiful, bright, and clean. After checking my suitcase, I decided to step outside. To my surprise, Madison Square Garden was directly across the street! I feel this really opens up so many possibilities for future entertainment and travel! I saw a Nathan's hotdog vendor and decided to buy some lunch and something for later on the train.. A New York hotdog, chicken tenders and fries. I sat on the Farley Post Office stairs to eat and soak up the sights and sounds of New York City. Time passed quickly and I was ready at the escalator when Track 13 was assigned. I followed the crowd and was directed to the far end of the Silver Meteor number 97 train to Florida. Compared to other train attendants, Christopher was really intense. "Families and people traveling together board first," he would chant here in New York and at each stop. "Hurry up or you won't be able to sit together," he would snap at people just arriving to the open train car. When it was my turn to board, I headed towards the back of the car. David and I were in the same coach car, but he was sitting a few rows behind me on the other side of the aisle. Christopher made several passes through our car after leaving New York. It was like he was trying to memorize where each person sat and their destination station. I wouldn't know of David's existence until we stopped for a crew change in Washington DC. "We have about an hour folks," Christopher informed us as we got off the train. I noticed David walking back and forth near the train car, waiting for the 'all aboard' from the conductor. I was doing the same. It was a long break and quite a few people came off the train just to smoke, stretch, or get something quick to eat. It was probably twenty minutes into the break when I asked David how he was doing and where he was going. He told me he was getting off the train at the Jacksonville station, but was headed to Panama City Beach, which was an additional 5 hour drive. We had only talked for a few minutes on the platform, but the connection was undeniable. I was really enjoying our conversation and the laughter! Suddenly, Christopher put the steps up on the train car and closed the door much to everyone's surprise! Christopher pointed to the opened door on the other coach car. Everyone started boarding thinking it was time to go. Once onboard, I heard someone mention we still had more than thirty minutes to wait. I went over to where David was sitting, and asked if he minded if I sat with him when it was time to leave. He agreed and we both went off the train again. I would learn that on a previous trip, David went to the vending machine in Florence SC, and the train pulled away without him! Not only did it delay his trip by a day, but the train station closed forcing him to walk around a strange town at night! He had to buy another ticket to get back to New York! We found Christopher, and I asked if I could switch seats. I would give up my window seat to sit with David. Christopher took his trusty pencil eraser and swapped my seat over. The stop lasted longer than expected due to a mechanical issue with one of the cars. David and I had a connection, and although I tried really hard not to give him my life history—it happened over time. After an additional 30 minute delay, the train was moving down the tracks once again. I was now sitting with David, and our conversation was fun. He was several years younger than me, but I look and act several years younger than my age. Before too long, he was reading my post, " Who She Is: A Dating Profile " at my suggestion. I am not able to repeat what he said after he read it, but it made me smile. We cuddled, chatted, and tried to sleep, but things got a bit heated, at times. I resisted as much as I could, but in my defense, he was irresistible. I think God would still approve of my behavior. When we arrived in Jacksonville, his ride was there waiting. With a quick hug goodbye, he said he would reach out through my blog. My stop was just over two hours away. During this time, I had a new seatmate. Her name was Farrah, a retired Dade County deputy who served her county for 32 years. She had been visiting her daughter and was headed home to South Florida. She also has a son, but he is in Maryland. She talked about having a close circle of friends and her church where she lived. I have looked into some churches in my area, but none have felt right for me, yet. Across the aisle was a lovely lady named Barbara Ann who lives not far from my Uncle and cousin in South Florida. She doesn't text or get on the computer, but I gave her my card because it has my home number on it. We talked a bit on the platform at the Jacksonville station, and Barbara was looking forward to a new seatmate, as her previous seatmate didn't say a word to her until she was at her station! Barbara was sitting with Skylar. I overheard Skylar talking about girls who are clearly neurodivergent not being diagnosed with Autism, but just called quirky. I interrupted their conversation and gave him my blog card. Skylar said he had Autism, and I think he could really contribute to this blog. When the train arrived in DeLand, I called for an Uber, and met Gladys. She is in school and is pursuing a degree in addiction counseling. In addition to Uber, she has her own transportation service. We exchanged numbers, and I gave her a blog card and a hug when we arrived at my house. I hope they will all visit my blog, and maybe even write a post or two. I am realizing that many people text, but the number on my card is not a mobile number, so text will not go through! I don't know if David will actually call, but I will look forward to it. If he doesn't call, I will still have the memory of a wonderful ending to an amazing train trip. This truly was the trip of a lifetime. Psalm 37:23-24 "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."

To obtain Italian dual citizenship by descent through a grandparent ( jure sanguinis , "by right of blood"), you’ll need to go through a legal recognition process. Italy allows this for many people of Italian descent, but it depends on specific rules. Here's a straightforward breakdown of the steps: Step 1: Determine Your Eligibility You may qualify if: Your Italian grandparent was an Italian citizen at the time of your parent’s birth . Neither your grandparent nor your parent ever renounced their Italian citizenship before  passing it to the next generation. If you’re applying through a maternal line, your mother must have given birth to you after January 1, 1948 (due to an old law that prevented women from passing citizenship before that date). If your grandparent became a U.S. citizen (or citizen of another country) before your parent was born, you may not qualify. Step 2: Gather Required Documents You’ll need official records to prove the Italian bloodline: Your grandparent’s documents: Italian birth certificate ( estratto dell’atto di nascita ) Marriage certificate Naturalization record (or proof they never became a citizen elsewhere) Your parent’s documents: Birth certificate (long form) Marriage certificate Death certificate (if applicable) Your documents: Birth certificate Marriage certificate (if applicable) Photo ID, proof of residency All non-Italian documents must be: Apostilled (official certification for international use) Translated into Italian by a certified translator In some cases, certified copies must be provided Step 3: Get Proof of Non-Naturalization If your grandparent emigrated from Italy, you must show whether they became a citizen of another country and when . For the U.S., this includes: Certificate of Naturalization (if they became a U.S. citizen) No record of naturalization (if they never became a U.S. citizen) from USCIS or the National Archives This step is critical—the timing of naturalization affects eligibility. Step 4: Book an Appointment with Your Italian Consulate Find the Italian consulate that serves your U.S. state or country of residence. Then: Visit their official website Follow the instructions to book a citizenship appointment Some consulates have long waitlists (months or years), so book early! Step 5: Attend Your Appointment Bring all your documents, well-organized and complete. At the appointment: The consulate will review your paperwork If anything is missing or incorrect, they will ask for corrections or additional documents If approved, they’ll forward your application to the Comune (town hall) in Italy Step 6: Wait for Recognition Once the Comune processes your application, you will be recognized as an Italian citizen. You’ll be added to the AIRE registry (registry of Italians abroad) After that, you can apply for your Italian passport Optional (But Common) Legal Route: 1948 Case If you are ineligible due to the maternal line pre-1948, you can still apply through the Italian court system. This requires hiring an Italian lawyer and filing a lawsuit in Rome, but many have succeeded this way. What Is the 1948 Rule? Italian law before 1948 did not allow women to pass on citizenship to their children. So if your Italian citizenship claim goes through a woman (your mother or grandmother) and: She gave birth before January 1, 1948, Then you are not eligible for citizenship recognition through the consulate. This is due to Italy's 1948 Constitution, which updated citizenship rights to be more equal—but the change was not applied retroactively through normal consular processes. Who Does This Affect? You may fall into this category if: Your grandmother was born in Italy, She had your parent (her child)  before  Jan 1, 1948, And your parent then had you. Even if all other conditions are met (e.g., no one renounced citizenship), you would be denied by the consulate because of that pre-1948 maternal link. How Do People Still Get Citizenship in These Cases? Italian courts have consistently ruled that this gender-based restriction is unconstitutional. So if you qualify except  for the 1948 maternal issue, you can file a court case in Italy to get citizenship recognized. This is called a "1948 case", and it's a legal workaround that has become common. How It Works: Hire an Italian attorney who specializes in citizenship cases. The lawyer will file a petition in Rome’s civil court asking the judge to recognize that your citizenship should be granted, even though it comes from a pre-1948 woman. You do not have to go to Italy—your lawyer can represent you. If the court agrees (and it usually does), you are legally recognized as an Italian citizen. After that, you can apply for an Italian passport like anyone else. How Long and How Much? Time: Usually 1 to 2 years from start to finish. Cost: Typically €3,000–€7,000+, depending on the attorney and number of applicants (you can often file as a family group). Summary: If your maternal ancestor gave birth before 1948, you are likely ineligible through the consulate. But you can still win citizenship through a court case in Rome. These cases are now routine, and many people successfully obtain citizenship this way.

When people hear the word 'Resilience', they tend to think of something rigid and unbreakable. When it comes to Mental Resilience, I strongly believe the opposite to be true. Mental Resilience is layered. It's a foundation of bricks that is slowly laid out one by one until eventually you've made a home you feel comfortable in. There's no such thing as instant resilience, only resilience slowly built out of the many things you experience through out life. There is slower and faster ways to build that resilience though. I believe the trick is to be open to the various opportunities and experiences that life offers you. So many people fear new things and change, the unknown. But I am here to tell you that there is only good things in life. It can be hard to understand why setbacks and drama can be good things when they're happening to you, but when you look back in hindsight you will see that you've grown because of those things. Just as metal is beaten into shape, you too are made more resilient by the challenges life presents you. I tell you that if you pray for challenges, you will find them. And with those challenges, you will experience growth unlike any you've seen. You will become like a tall tree that is unyielding even in the fiercest winds. And you will become a place of safety and stability for those who might shelter under the shade of your tree. I ask that you might be an example to those around you. That you show others how to grow and to those that seek it, guide them towards challenges they might face. For all things are good things. And when things become truly difficult, and you feel yourself failing, please ask for help. Pray that someone might be sent to help you. If you feel you need it, do not be ashamed to ask for help. But understand that you will never be given challenges that you can not overcome. And the bigger the challenge, the more opportunity there is to grow. Be proud of your struggling, revel in your setbacks, and praise the opportunity. If you can do this, you will be strong. Strength for others and resilience for yourself.    If you enjoyed this insight from Lis, you can catch them streaming on Twitch! Check out their channel LifeisSacred   for more engaging content.

I never really thought much about adding narration to my blog posts until a friend told me he was not much of a reader. It made me realize that reading is not easy or enjoyable for everyone. Some people struggle with focus. Others might deal with dyslexia, low literacy, limited education, or just not enough time in their day. For me, it has always been the lack of comprehension. I read words well, but understanding and retaining what I have read has been a lifelong challenge. It really had me thinking seriously about accessibility. That is why I decided to add narration to each of my blog posts. Unfortunately, I am not able to add audio on some of the main pages. I signed up for a plan that allows up to 50 narrations per month, with each one covering up to 5,000 words. Posts that are longer will use more than one slot. If I have to regenerate the audio for any reason, it uses additional slots. I have about 250 completed posts already, and I add between 5 and 20 new ones each month. With only 50 uses per month, it will take over six months before every post includes audio. One thing I like about BeyondWords is the variety of voices available. This is especially helpful for my language posts, since I cover languages from all around the world. I can choose region based voices that add a small touch to the content. I am genuinely excited to bring this feature into my blog. Here is a general review of BeyondWords from Aeris. Overview BeyondWords is a text-to-speech platform that allows users to convert written content into audio using AI-generated voices. It is designed for publishers, bloggers, marketers, educators, and anyone who wants to offer audio versions of their content without recording their own voice. The platform offers a web-based interface, a plugin for WordPress, and an API for developers. User Interface and Setup The interface is clean and simple. You can either paste your text directly or upload it from an integrated platform like Wix, WordPress, or Blogger. Setup takes only a few minutes. Once your account is created, it is easy to add and manage projects. The layout does not feel overwhelming, and most of the features are where you would expect them. Voice Quality and Options BeyondWords offers a wide selection of synthetic voices. These are categorized by language, region, and gender. Some voices are more natural than others. Certain voices have expressive features like pauses, pitch changes, and emphasis. These allow for more control over tone and pacing. Voice quality varies depending on the voice chosen. Some voices sound robotic. Others are much closer to human narration. The most realistic voices are labeled "premium." These are only available on paid plans. It is worth testing several options before committing to one. Customization and Control You can adjust pitch, speed, emphasis, and add pauses. These are controlled through tags placed in the text. This gives the user flexibility, but the tagging system can feel technical. If you are unfamiliar with markup-style inputs, this may slow down your workflow at first. You can assign different voices to different parts of the same article, which is useful for interviews or fictional dialogue. Integration and Embedding The WordPress plugin works reliably. Once installed, it adds a player to each post. Or you can embed a code into the blog post. Readers can click and listen instantly. The player is minimal and does not clutter the layout. Audio files are hosted by BeyondWords, so they do not slow down your site. The platform also provides an API for developers, which allows more technical users to integrate audio dynamically. This is helpful for large-scale publishers or apps. Analytics and Monetization You can track how many people play the audio, how long they listen, and where they drop off. This is useful for evaluating engagement. You can also add pre-roll or mid-roll audio ads, though this feature is aimed more at enterprise users. For small publishers, monetization options are limited. Accessibility and Listening Experience The audio player is accessible. It works across devices, including mobile and screen readers. You can customize how it looks to match your website. The listening experience is smooth. Playback is fast. There is little buffering. You can adjust volume, speed, and skip ahead or rewind. Pricing BeyondWords offers a free tier with limited features and voice choices. Paid plans are based on character count and access to premium voices. The pricing model is fair, but it can get expensive if you publish frequently or use long texts. For occasional use or smaller blogs, the free plan may be enough, but it is only 5 narrations per month. For professional use, especially with branding needs or high-volume publishing, the premium plans are necessary. Strengths High-quality AI voices Wide selection of languages and accents Smooth integration with WordPress Useful analytics dashboard Good accessibility across devices Limitations Premium voices locked behind paid plans Some voices still sound synthetic Tag-based editing has a learning curve Monetization is limited for small users Final Thoughts BeyondWords is a strong platform for anyone looking to turn written content into professional-sounding audio. It works well for blogs, articles, and educational content. While the free version is very limited, the core functionality is reliable. The free version also gives you the opportunity to try before you buy. The ability to add natural pacing and change voices adds depth that many competitors do not offer. It is not perfect. But it is one of the more mature and polished text-to-speech solutions available today. Conclusion I am glad to offer this audio option for people who prefer to listen. I hope that for some people, listening will be easier than reading, and that this small change will help them connect with what I write in a way that works better for them. I hope it makes my blog more accessible to everyone. Proverbs 31:8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute."

Introduction Many adults continue to seek external validation long after childhood because praise and approval from others can feel reassuring. They wait for compliments, likes, or praise to feel that their effort matters. Approval and validation from others gives a sense of security, belonging, and accomplishment. However, true peace comes from learning to validate yourself and finding reward in simply doing the task. The Problem With External Validation When you rely on others for validation, you put your sense of worth in their hands. If they approve, you feel good. If they stay silent, you start to doubt yourself. This creates an unstable emotional cycle. People may not always notice your work, even when you give your best. Some people may even criticize for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When your confidence depends on their reactions, you remain vulnerable. If you rely too much on others for validation, your sense of worth becomes fragile. You constantly need someone else to reassure you, which is often disappointing. Self-Validation Self-validation means being able to say you did your best even if no one else says it. You recognize your own progress, your own effort, and your own growth. You trust your ability to evaluate your work honestly. You stop chasing constant reassurance because you have already given it to yourself. This creates stability because you are not waiting for someone else to hand you approval. Self-validation builds confidence and independence. The Power of Intrinsic Rewards Intrinsic rewards are the satisfaction you feel from the work itself. Maybe you learned a new skill, finished a difficult task, or simply enjoyed the process. These rewards are not dependent on others. They build real confidence because you know why the work matters to you. You do not need applause to feel accomplished. For example, I might write a blog post and feel good simply because I know I expressed my thoughts clearly. I do not need hundreds of likes to know I did something worthwhile. The benefit of intrinsic rewards is that they build resilience. You can stay motivated even when others do not notice. You continue to grow because you care about the process, not just the outcome. This also reduces the emotional rollercoaster of depending on outside opinions, which often change or are unreliable. Shifting Your Focus When you practice self-validation and value intrinsic rewards, several things happen: You feel more stable emotionally. You stay motivated longer. You grow from your own goals, not from chasing approval. You become less affected by criticism or silence from others. Final Thoughts You cannot control how much others notice or praise your efforts. You can control how you see yourself. Validation from others is temporary. Validation from within is lasting. The reward is in the doing, not in the applause. Galatians 6:4 "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else."

c onsidering where thoughts belong a ttempting to make sense of ideas t hinking through connections and meaning e very post holds a piece of life g athering moments into sections o verlapping themes blur the lines r ealizing decisions are not always final i nsight grows as words are shared e very story finds its place s haring thoughts invites reflection There are ten different categories on this blog, and sometimes deciding where a post belongs can be tricky. I have been trying to make quicker decisions to avoid overthinking, but it can still feel a bit overwhelming. Some posts fit more than one category, so I mark them for each. If all else fails, I add it to the one-offs category! Pinned Posts – Highlighted for importance or quick reference. Self Reflection – Insights and thoughts on personal experiences. Spiritual Insight - Wisdom and inspiration from faith-based reflections. Mental Clarity – Posts that focus on mental health and mental illness. Polyglot Path – Information, stories and tips for language learners. Life Unscripted – Real stories and experiences from everyday moments. Personal Growth – Perspectives on self-improvement and change. Creative Expression – Creative writing with heart and depth. One Offs – Unique posts without a recurring theme. Food for Thought – Thoughts, stories, and recipes about food. This post is a clear sign I have been overthinking the issue with categories. some posts are marked for quick reference, meant to be seen first others are reflections, delving deep into personal experiences wisdom surfaces in moments of faith, offering insight and direction thoughts may be tangled, seeking clarity from the noise language grows as stories unfold, each word learning from another real life happens in the quiet moments, shared without a script change is constant, as we strive to grow and transform creativity speaks from the heart, unguarded and raw there are posts that stand alone, unique in their own right even food carries meaning, bringing stories and comfort to the table each category is a lens, but no single one defines us sometimes they overlap, at other times they stay separate still, they all hold value, offering pieces of a larger story If you ever feel that a post is clearly in the wrong category, feel free to leave a comment or use the Get in Touch page. Your feedback is always welcome! Thank You!

In a world where mental health struggles often go unheard, it is crucial to break the silence surrounding suicide and offer support to those in need. To address this pressing issue, we have curated a comprehensive suicide prevention resource page aimed at providing assistance and guidance to individuals facing mental health challenges. Understanding Suicide Prevention Suicide is a complex and sensitive topic that requires open conversations and proactive measures to prevent tragic outcomes. By shedding light on the importance of mental health awareness and creating a supportive environment, we can make a positive impact in saving lives. Let's explore some key resources and strategies for suicide prevention: 1. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a valuable resource that provides free and confidential support to individuals in crisis. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255), you can connect with trained counselors who can offer immediate assistance and guidance. 2. Crisis Text Line For those who prefer texting over calling, the Crisis Text Line offers 24/7 crisis support through a simple text message. By texting "HELLO" to 741741, you can chat with a trained crisis counselor who can offer support and resources. 3. International Hotlines International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)     - Website: [ iasp.info ]   - Directory of crisis centers worldwide. Befrienders Worldwide - Website: [ befrienders.org ] - Global network of emotional support helplines. Samaritans - Website: [ samaritans.org ] - 24/7 support available in the UK and Ireland. Lifeline - Website: [ lifeline.org.au ] - Crisis support in Australia. Crisis Text Line International Affiliates - Website: [ crisistextline.org ] - Free 24/7 support via text in multiple countries. Suicide.org - Website: [ suicide.org ] - International suicide hotlines by country. The Trevor Project - Website: [ thetrevorproject.org ] - Crisis intervention for LGBTQ+ youth in the US. HopeLine (UK) - Website: [ papyrus-uk.org ] - Support for young people at risk of suicide.. Mental Health Europe - Website: [ mhe-sme.org ] - Network of mental health organizations in Europe. --------------------------------------------------------------- Specific Country Resources --------------------------------------------------------------- - Canada Talk Suicide Canada: 1-833-456-4566 - New Zealand : Lifeline NZ: 0800 543 354 - Australia : Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 - United Kingdom : National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 0800 689 5652 - India : Vandrevala Foundation Helpline: 1860 266 2345 --------------------------------------------------------------- 4. Online Therapy Platforms In an increasingly digital world, online therapy platforms have become a convenient and accessible option for seeking mental health support. Services like BetterHelp and Talkspace offer online therapy sessions with licensed professionals, allowing individuals to receive help from the comfort of their own homes. A Call to Action It's essential to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out for support. Together, we can break the stigma surrounding mental health and create a community that prioritizes well-being and support for all. Remember, you are not alone, and help is always available. Your story matters, and your life is valuable. Let's join hands in breaking the silence and advocating for mental health awareness and suicide prevention. If you ever feel overwhelmed or in crisis, please reach out to one of the resources mentioned above or seek help from a trusted individual. Your well-being matters, and there is hope for a brighter tomorrow. Let's break the silence together. The importance of mental health awareness cannot be overstated, and by providing access to vital resources and support systems, we can make a significant difference in combating the stigma surrounding suicide. Remember, reaching out for help is a courageous step towards healing and recovery. Let's continue to prioritize mental health and well-being for ourselves and those around us.

The concept of "love languages" was coined by Dr. Gary Chapman, a Baptist preacher. marriage counselor and author. He introduced the idea in his 1992 book, "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts". Chapman proposed that people experience and express love in five distinct ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Each love language actually has two sides: how someone prefers to receive love and how they naturally show love. These are not always the same for a person. Sometimes conflict happens when two people are giving love in their own preferred language, but not in a way the other person receives it best. That is where the idea of “learning someone’s love language” becomes really useful. Words of Affirmation This love language centers around the power of verbal expression. People who value words of affirmation often feel most loved when they hear thoughtful, encouraging, or appreciative words. It is not just about saying "I love you"—it includes compliments, expressing gratitude, and acknowledging someone's efforts or character. Even a simple "I am proud of you" or "You did great" can deeply resonate. For them, language has emotional weight, and silence or harsh words can be especially hurtful. Receive : You feel uplifted when someone says kind or encouraging things. Compliments, thoughtful texts, or being told “I am proud of you” go a long way. You may replay encouraging things people have said to you in your head. Give : You often write notes, give compliments, or express appreciation out loud. You tend to encourage people verbally when they are going through something. You say “I love you” or “you have got this” more than most. Acts of Service For people who connect through acts of service, actions truly speak louder than words. They feel loved when others take the time to help them, ease their burdens, or anticipate their needs. Whether it is making a meal, running errands, or helping with a task without being asked, these gestures are seen as expressions of love and thoughtfulness. What matters most is the effort behind the act, showing that someone is paying attention and wants to support them. Receive : You feel loved when someone helps you without being asked. It means a lot if someone brings you food, fixes something, or does errands for you. You might feel disappointed if people do not pitch in or follow through. Give : You show love by doing things: fixing, cooking, cleaning, running errands. You often say “let me do that for you” instead of offering comfort with words. You feel good when your help makes someone’s life easier. Receiving/Giving Gifts This love language is not about materialism or expensive items—it is about the thought and meaning behind a gift. A person who feels loved through gift-giving appreciates tangible symbols of affection, whether it is a small souvenir, a handwritten card, or something carefully chosen. To them, a well-timed gift shows attentiveness, consideration, and emotional presence. It is the message the gift conveys—"I thought of you"—that holds the most value. Receive : You feel cared for when someone brings you a thoughtful item, even if it is small. You remember who gave you what and often associate objects with people. Surprise gifts feel meaningful, not because of cost, but the thought behind them. Give : You buy or make things that remind you of someone and give it to them. You enjoy giving gifts “just because,” not only on holidays or birthdays. You feel frustrated if your gifts are dismissed or not appreciated. Quality Time Undivided attention and shared experiences are at the heart of this love language. People who value quality time feel closest when someone sets aside distractions and focuses fully on being present with them. It might be through deep conversations, going for a walk, watching a movie together, or simply sitting in the same room and connecting. What matters is the intentionality—knowing that someone wants to be with them, not just near them. Receive : You feel loved when someone makes time just for you. Deep conversations or quiet company matter more than background chatter. Being distracted (e.g., checking their phone) makes you feel unimportant. Give : You carve out time to be with people you care about. You try to give your full attention when someone talks. You may invite others to hang out even if there's no specific reason. Physical Touch This love language communicates emotional warmth through physical closeness. For those who respond to physical touch, a hug, a pat on the back, or holding hands can mean more than words ever could. Physical contact offers comfort, reassurance, and a sense of safety. It is often how they express care as well, through casual or affectionate touches. Without it, they may feel disconnected even if other forms of love are present. Receive : You feel connected by physical closeness like hugs, hand-holding, or sitting nearby. Physical affection calms or reassures you more than words. A lack of touch might make you feel distant, even if someone says nice things. Give : You often initiate hugs, pats on the back, or just being physically close. You show support with a hand squeeze, or comfort with a gentle touch. You might feel awkward expressing love verbally but show it through contact. Your Preferences The idea is that people give and receive love in different ways, and understanding someone's preferred "language" can improve relationships—romantic, family, or even friendships. When someone values different expressions of care, it creates room for mutual understanding, even when others show love in varied ways. Rather than focusing on one style, some people feel most at peace when affection is expressed through a blend of time, touch, helpfulness, encouragement, and shared moments. Each way of connecting carries meaning—and being open to them all can deepen relationships in a more balanced and personal way. There is no official test, but here is a short set of self-reflective questions to help figure out how you prefer to give love versus how you feel most loved (receive). People often assume they are the same—but they are not always. Many people relate to more than one, but usually one stands out more than the others. Answer these questions with the option that resonates most. How Do You Feel Most Loved? (Receiving) When you are feeling down, what makes you feel better? A: Someone saying something kind or encouraging B: Someone helping with something without being asked C: Someone surprising you with a small thoughtful gift D: Someone sitting and talking with you for a while E: A warm hug or hand on your shoulder On your birthday, what would mean the most to you? A: A heartfelt card or message B: Someone doing something special for you C: Receiving a meaningful gift D: Spending uninterrupted time with someone you care about E: Being physically close to those you care about If someone wanted to show you they love you without saying it, what would make you feel it most? A: Compliments or sweet messages B: Doing chores or errands for you C: Thoughtful gifts (big or small) D: Giving you their full attention E: Physical closeness or affection How Do You Tend to Show Love? (Giving) How do you usually comfort a friend or loved one? A: Say something encouraging or reassuring B: Offer to help with something practical C: Give them something thoughtful D: Spend time with them E: Offer a hug or gentle touch When you want to make someone feel appreciated, what do you do? A: Tell them what you admire or like about them B: Do something for them to make their day easier C: Give them something that made you think of them D: Invite them to hang out or chat E: Sit close, pat their back, or show some kind of touch You can tally which letters show up the most in each part. A = Words of Affirmation B = Acts of Service C = Receiving/Giving Gifts D = Quality Time E = Physical Touch Conclusion Understanding love languages can help you improve relationships of all kinds—romantic, family, friendship, and even professional. Everyone expresses and receives love in different ways, and recognizing those patterns helps reduce misunderstandings. When someone gives love in a way that does not match how you best receive it, you might feel disconnected even though their intentions were good. Likewise, your efforts might go unnoticed if the other person speaks a different emotional “language.” By becoming aware of both your giving and receiving styles, you can strengthen your ability to connect with others in more meaningful ways. It is also important to remember that love languages are not fixed categories. People often express a mix of them, and those preferences can shift over time or depending on life circumstances. What matters most is the willingness to pay attention, communicate clearly, and care enough to meet each other where they are. When you make the effort to show love in a way that truly lands for someone, it creates trust, comfort, and a deeper sense of being valued. And when you advocate for how you feel most supported, you create space for healthier emotional exchanges. 1 John 4:7 " Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."