Update: Faith Beyond the Door

4 July 2025 Update

I only went out for 2 minutes yesterday—enough to check mail. My streak ended at 305 days outside for 30 minutes without fail. Today I failed. I could tell you because a storm suddenly came up and once again took out my ethernet adapter, and I got distracted. This is true. However, in over 300 days, I do not feel any less trapped inside my mind. I decided to take down the timer because it is pointless. Even though I did not reach the ultimate goal, freedom from this virtual prison, I am proud of my accomplishment. I will continue going outside, but I do not plan to keep track of my daily progress.

Micah 7:8 (NIV)

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."

4 March 2025 Update

It has been six months since I started Faith Beyond the Door. This goal requires me to go outside every day by 8:00 PM for at least 30 minutes without fail. Even after half a year, it remains a mental challenge, which is why I will continue to track my progress.

Image of 184 consecutive days outside

I have recently noticed when I need to go somewhere or do something in my yard, such as weeding, I am now usually able to go without thinking about it for hours. However, having a set goal ensures that I step outside even when there is no immediate reason to do so. I still have the feeling if I stay in one day, it will turn into two, then three days.

Setting reasonable goals is an effective way to accomplish any task. Keeping the countdown timer visible not only reminds me and others of my commitment, but also holds me accountable. Seeing my progress reinforces my determination to keep going.

I wish I had a better understanding of why this is such a huge struggle for me.

At some point, I would like to build on this goal. My hope is to walk around the neighborhood for those 30 minutes at least three days a week. Right now, I cannot even get the courage to walk to the end of the street, which is just two houses away. However, I have now mastered crossing the street to get my mail a few times a month!

I can already feel eyes rolling and head shaking, but unless you live it, you do not know!

It is difficult to imagine pushing beyond what already feels like a challenge, but I know progress happens in small steps. Walking around the neighborhood feels impossible at the moment, but so did going outside every day when I first started. For now, simply stepping outside each day is enough. If at some point I am able to expand my comfort zone even further, I will change the title of the timer—Faith Beyond My Street!

Psalm 140:4

"Keep me safe, Lord, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from the violent, who devise ways to trip my feet."

click to listen to or read original post—Faith Beyond the Door: Going Outside

September 2024

As many of you may have noticed, I have a timer on my homepage that tracks my days spent outside. You might wonder why this is such a significant part of my blog. For years, leaving my house has been an issue for me due to anxiety, and I have committed to confronting this challenge head-on. This post is meant to explain the importance of going outside, not just for my mental health, but as a vital step towards reclaiming my freedom and well-being. Each tick of the timer represents not just the time spent outdoors, but my ongoing commitment to overcoming barriers that hold me back.

For years, stepping outside has been one of my biggest struggles, next to calling people on the phone. Many people don’t understand just how debilitating both experiences can be. Anxiety has kept me confined within my walls, and the thought of facing the world outside has often felt insurmountable. But lately, I have been challenging that part of my anxiety. I have committed to going outside every single day, 30 minutes or more, and today I thought about the tremendous pressure I feel when I am outside and what is going to keep me going. I realized I focus on intrinsic rewards to motivate myself.

Focusing on intrinsic rewards, those that arise from within rather than from external sources, has significantly enhanced my motivation and led to greater fulfillment in my life. When I find joy and satisfaction in the activity itself, I cultivate a sustainable form of engagement that encourages me to continue pursuing my goals even without external validation. This internal motivation contributes to my overall well-being, as engaging in activities that align with my values reduces stress and fosters a sense of peace

Additionally, prioritizing intrinsic rewards promotes my resilience and creativity. When I have a strong connection to my motivations, I can better cope with challenges while also encouraging exploration and experimentation. This approach enhances my learning and retention, as I engage deeply with the material or activities that resonate with me. Intrinsic rewards enable me to foster authentic relationships, connecting with others who share my interests and values, ultimately leading to a more meaningful and enriched life. Despite bittersweet memories, I am determined to keep pushing through—even if I have to do it alone. I know that God has a plan for me, and it will come to be in His time.

Each day, I wrestle with the overwhelming urge to stay indoors. For me, defying the temptation to stay inside feels like it would be the same mental pressure an alcoholic feels avoiding a drink or a smoker resisting the urge to light up. Even after two months, each day, the mental pull to stay inside feels as intense as ever. Facing that pressure when I go outdoors is a constant struggle, and even though I keep pushing myself, it does not get easier. Counting my days and holding myself accountable in this way keeps me grounded enough to go out again the next day.

This journey can feel isolating because I am concerned well-meaning people will try to ease my struggle by saying things like, "Don’t worry, you don’t have to go out today" or "It's raining, just stay inside today" This makes it difficult for me to share my thoughts with others, as some days I feel overwhelmed and just want to voice my frustrations, not avoid the task. While their intentions may be encouraging, it feels discouraging, as if they doubt my ability to succeed. I need encouragement to go outside and support in pushing through, especially when it feels daunting. I want to continue to go outside each day until the time comes when I don't give going outside a second thought.

I understand spending time outdoors offers numerous benefits for both mental and physical health. Exposure to sunlight can enhance mood by boosting serotonin levels, which helps combat feelings of depression. Being in nature has also been shown to stimulate creativity and improve problem-solving skills. Additionally, outdoor activities promote physical fitness, increase vitamin D levels, and contribute to overall well-being.

The calming effect of nature can significantly reduce stress and encourage relaxation. Regular exposure to natural light helps regulate sleep patterns, leading to better quality rest. Moreover, outdoor experiences can enhance concentration and attention span, while providing opportunities for social interaction and connection with others. Ultimately, engaging with the natural world fosters a sense of belonging and appreciation for the environment, making it a vital part of a healthy lifestyle.

Whether I am pulling weeds, taking in the beauty of nature, or just sitting quietly outdoors, I battle with a constant wave of intrusive thoughts: "You should be inside. This is pointless. No one cares. " Currently, I am doing well enough to care for myself, even if it matters to no one else. I cannot tell you how much it means to have even that small measure of freedom. I am not necessarily reaping many of the supposed benefits, but I hope my going outside leads to me exploring not only this community, but the world. I welcome your prayers and encouragement. Each day is a new chance to step beyond my fears, and someday, I hope going outside will be as natural as breathing.

2 Timothy 1:7

"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."