I decided to create this post after scheduling my own wellness checkup, a mammogram, and a colonoscopy consultation. After subtle urging from others, I realized it was easier to make the appointments than to insist I was fine. I was very fortunate to find doctors who could see me right away. I do not have any concerns about cancer personally, but I saw this as an opportunity to share important information with others about screening and early detection. As they often say, "Better safe than sorry!" Why this matters Cancer outcomes change a lot depending on when a diagnosis is made. Early detection saves lives for colorectal and breast cancer; pancreatic cancer is often diagnosed late and is more deadly as a result. The three cancers below are different in how they behave, how they are each screened, and how preventable they are — so each needs a different approach. Pancreatic cancer Overview & impact. Pancreatic cancer carries a high mortality rate because symptoms are vague and it is frequently found at a late stage. In the U.S., pancreatic cancer has one of the highest death-to-case ratios among common cancers. Typical symptoms (early signs are often subtle): upper abdominal pain or mid-back pain, unexplained weight loss, new-onset diabetes, yellowing of skin/eyes (jaundice), persistent indigestion, pale stools, dark urine. If these are new and unexplained, they deserve prompt medical evaluation. Risk factors: older age, smoking, long-standing diabetes, chronic pancreatitis, certain inherited gene mutations (BRCA2, PALB2, CDKN2A, etc.), and a strong family history of pancreatic cancer. People with multiple affected relatives are at noticeably higher risk. Screening: There is no recommended routine screening for the general population — screening for pancreatic cancer is limited to people at high  hereditary or familial risk and is usually done by specialized centers using MRI and endoscopic ultrasound (EUS). Surveillance in properly identified high-risk people can detect earlier cancers and may improve outcomes. If you have two or more close relatives with pancreatic cancer, talk to a genetics clinic. Treatment and outlook: Treatments include surgery (if the tumor is operable), chemotherapy, and radiation. Survival improves dramatically when the disease is caught early, which is why high-risk surveillance and rapid evaluation of suspicious symptoms matter. Colorectal cancer Overview & impact. Colorectal cancer (CRC) is common but highly treatable when detected early. Screening finds precancerous polyps that can be removed before they become cancer. The U.S. task force recommends screening starting at age 45 for average-risk adults. Colorectal cancer includes both colon cancer, which begins in the colon, and rectal cancer, which starts in the rectum. While they occur in different parts of the large intestine, their symptoms, risk factors, and screening methods are largely the same. Symptoms that should not be ignored: persistent change in bowel habits, blood in or on the stool, unexplained abdominal pain, a feeling that the bowel does not empty, unexplained weight loss, and persistent fatigue. If these appear, see a clinician immediately — don’t wait for screening age. Risk factors: age (risk rises after age 45), family history of colorectal cancer or certain genetic syndromes (Lynch syndrome, familial adenomatous polyposis), inflammatory bowel disease, obesity, sedentary lifestyle, high intake of red/processed meat, heavy alcohol use, and smoking. Screening options (advantages and frequency): Colonoscopy — gold-standard: visualizes colon and allows polyp removal; typically every 10 years if normal. It both detects cancer early and prevents cancer by removing polyps. FIT (fecal immunochemical test) — at-home stool test done yearly; positive tests require colonoscopy. Stool DNA tests (e.g., Cologuard) — every 1–3 years depending on the test; positive tests require colonoscopy. Choice of test is a personal/medical decision; the important thing is to be screened on a schedule recommended by your provider. Prevention: healthy weight, regular exercise, a diet high in fiber and low in processed/red meat, limiting alcohol, and not smoking all lower risk. Breast cancer Overview & impact. Breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in women worldwide and a leading cause of cancer death, but it can also affect men, though far less frequently. Screening mammography reduces mortality by finding cancers earlier in women; men should be aware of any unusual changes in their breast tissue. Major U.S. guideline bodies recommend routine screening, though details differ slightly. Symptoms that should prompt evaluation: new breast lump or thickening, changes in breast size or shape, skin dimpling, nipple retraction, nipple discharge (especially bloody), or persistent local pain. Any new, unexplained change should be evaluated. Risk factors: age (risk increases with age), family history of breast cancer, inherited mutations (BRCA1/BRCA2), personal history of certain benign breast conditions, higher lifetime estrogen exposure (early menstruation, late menopause), obesity after menopause, alcohol use, and hormone replacement therapy. Screening recommendations (summary of common guidance): USPSTF (summary): recommends regular screening mammography with individualized decisions for women starting around age 40 and supports biennial screening in many age ranges; exact phrasing and intervals vary by age and risk. American Cancer Society and other bodies have similar but slightly different age-frequency guidance; high-risk people (BRCA carriers, strong family history) often start sooner and add MRI. Always discuss personal risk with your clinician to tailor screening. While breast cancer is far more common in women, men can develop it too. Routine mammogram screening is not recommended for men at average risk, but those with BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutations or a strong family history may be advised to have clinical breast exams and sometimes annual mammograms starting around age 35–40. All men should watch for unusual changes, such as lumps, nipple discharge, dimpling, or thickening, and report them promptly to a healthcare provider. Early evaluation improves the chances of successful treatment. Prevention: lifestyle factors (maintaining healthy weight, limiting alcohol, regular exercise) lower risk modestly; genetic counseling is recommended if you have a strong family history. Practical steps for screenings If you have symptoms, don’t wait. Call your doctor and say you have (list the specific symptom). Symptoms deserve prompt evaluation regardless of age. Get screened on schedule. If you’re 45 or older, schedule colorectal screening if you haven’t. If you’re in the age band for mammography or have risk factors, follow your provider’s advice for breast screening. Screening saves lives for colorectal and breast cancers. If you have strong family history (multiple relatives with the same cancer), ask about genetic counseling. For pancreatic cancer concerns specifically, ask whether you qualify for high-risk surveillance. Talk prevention — move more, eat more fiber and vegetables, limit processed meat and alcohol, don’t smoke, and manage weight and diabetes if present. These reduce risk for colorectal and breast cancer and improve overall health. Treatment reality and hope Early-stage colorectal and breast cancers often have very good outcomes with established surgery, radiation, and systemic therapies. Screening and early detection are the main reasons survival for these cancers has improved over recent decades. Pancreatic cancer is harder, but research is active. For people at high genetic risk, surveillance programs can catch disease earlier and improve survival prospects. Reliable resources National Cancer Institute (NCI) — stats and pancreatic early detection research. Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCAN) — patient resources and high-risk surveillance info. U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) — official screening recommendations. CDC — Colorectal Cancer Screening — clear screening options and guidance. American Cancer Society — Breast cancer screening — patient-facing guidance on screening and high-risk care. Closing Do not delay screening for colorectal or breast cancer if you’re in the recommended group — it’s a proven life-saver. If you have a strong family history of pancreatic or other cancers, don’t accept “wait and see.” Ask for genetic counseling and evaluation at a specialized center. Early surveillance matters for high-risk people. If something feels off with your body, say it clearly to your doctor and ask what tests they recommend. Be persistent. You know your body; your voice matters. Remember. "Better safe than sorry!" Psalm 103:2-3 “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.”

The developers of Wagotabi provided me with a code to play, and in return, I agreed to stream it and write a review for the blog. I have spent about 37 hours playing so far, with nearly 30 of those hours streamed. I have 12/35 achievements. It is really fun! I have learned a lot, and it pairs very well with what I have been studying on Duolingo. I have very few negatives to mention, and most of those come down to personal preferences. I would highly recommend this game as a helpful tool for learning Japanese. Wagotabi is an educational game that turns learning Japanese into an interactive experience. It mixes language lessons with an RPG-style setting, making it feel more like play than study. The game introduces vocabulary, grammar, and basic conversation gradually, giving players chances to practice what they learn in context. You travel through different areas inspired by Japan, meeting characters and completing tasks that encourage you to read, listen, and sometimes even speak in Japanese. The game slowly removes hints and English support as you progress, helping you feel more confident using the language on your own. It covers Hiragana, Katakana, and Kanji, and includes plenty of example sentences and dialogue. Mini-games and challenges reinforce what you learn, so you can practice without feeling like you are studying. The focus is on practical use and immersion, giving the language a real-world feel. So far, there are only a few negatives I have come across, mostly during the smart test and mini-games. They are not deal breakers, just a little annoying. I would like to be able to hear the multiple-choice answers, especially the ones containing Kanji. Eventually, I would like the option to do it without hearing the pronunciation, so a sound toggle could be helpful. During multiple-choice questions, as soon as you click an answer, it is marked right or wrong. When creating sentences, you can hear the pronunciations, but as soon as you place the last piece, the sentence is marked. A workaround if you are unsure is to place the pieces in another slot first to check. On the other hand, the “Write in Hiragana” exercise is perfect! You can hear the pronunciation of each character, change your mind if needed using the red back arrow, and then click a green check mark when ready to submit. Another note is about the mini-game Ninja Kana. The game sends out three lines of characters, and the player types the corresponding character to remove it from play. Three lines at once can be very challenging, especially for my ADHD brain. A setting to choose one, two, or three lines could be useful. There is a Zen mode that sends only one line with no time limit, but it also does not keep score. The score is what motivates me to play, so Zen mode does not work well for me. I think beginner, intermediate, and expert levels would be ideal, though I understand I will naturally get better over time. For anyone wanting a different approach to learning Japanese, Wagotabi offers a fresh, enjoyable way to practice. It is especially good if you like games, enjoy interactive learning, or want to supplement traditional study with something more hands-on. Overall, Wagotabi has been a rewarding experience. It balances learning with fun, keeps you engaged, and makes practicing Japanese feel natural. Whether you are a complete beginner or looking to strengthen your skills, it provides a supportive and interactive environment that makes studying feel less like work and more like an adventure. You can learn more about Wagotabi on their website, wagotabi.com , It is available on Steam for a reasonable price of $9.99 at the time of this review. Although I have not tried it on my phone, the mobile version is available on Google Play and Apple Store.

I created charts (along with Aeris) for Japanese pleasantries, common suffixes, basic verbs, prepositions, common landscapes, and directions (north, south, east, west) to make learning easier. The verb charts show dictionary form, ます form, and kanji + hiragana, with romaji to help me read. Having all these charts together gives me a clear, organized way to study vocabulary and basic grammar, understand locations and directions, and form simple sentences. They make learning Japanese more structured, practical, and easier to keep in my head. Maybe they can help you, too! I am currently studying Japanese on Duolingo . I recently started playing a fun game called Wagotabi. They both pair very well together. I WILL ADD NEW CHARTS AND INFORMATION AS I FIND USEFUL Negative form for adjectives ではない / じゃない / ではありません

Click to open or close introduction I started a GoFundMe campaign to help me through a difficult time. The kindness and generosity of others has come right when I needed it, allowing me to survive so far. Writing these weekly updates for the campaign reminded me how much writing helps me process my thoughts. I have had other websites and blogs in the past, but I always deleted them when irrational thoughts took over. I started this website years ago, and decided to revamp it—I am very happy I did! I trust someone can find both inspiration and hope from what I’ve been through this past year. Reading through these updates helps me see the progress I've made, especially compared to the low point when I started in Oct 2023. Although I have come a long way, I am still struggling. GoFundMe started automatically sending updates to previous donors which feels manipulative. Going forward, all updates will only be posted on this blog. Below are the updates I've shared during 2024, starting with the most recent update at the end of the year working backwards to the very first update. 2023 updates can be found here 2024 updates can be found here Feel Free Save Image and Share The Latest GoFundMe Update 2025 02 September 2025 When I think of how far I have come since I started this GoFundMe in October 2023, I am so thankful for the people that chose to help me. Even though my debt hasn't really been paid down any, I have been able to survive on a monthly basis. Recently, I chose to stop paying a couple of bills as a matter of survival. Lower food costs this week made it easier to manage essentials. A few people have mentioned going to a food bank, but I have not been able to find the courage needed to go to one. I don't know the specific requirements to qualify, but it has been my experience that the paper work for any type of benefit creates more stress than I can handle at this time. I was fortunate that my sister in law gave me homegrown vegetables, fresh eggs, and some household items to sell when I took a road trip in July. I was grateful to be able to drive the 350 mile trip—it was the first driving trip of any length in over a decade. I cannot express how liberating that trip has made me feel. Further stepping outside my comfort zone, I was treated to my very first pedicure with my sister-in-law and niece. It was such a thoughtful gift, and I am really proud of myself for agreeing to go. With your support, I hope to reach a place where I can enjoy those type of moments on my own—celebrating progress, healing, and brighter days. Although I am still treading water, I don't have the feeling that I am drowning. I still pray for help paying off a loan with a $7,000 balance. God knows I have sacrificed and suffered silently for most of my life. You can support me financially through the options on the Support Page or by donating directly on GoFundMe . Most importantly, I welcome your prayers lifted to God in Jesus’ name. Thank you so much. Lord, please place my name and situation on the heart of those who are willing and able to help lift this financial burden. In Jesus' name, Amen. John 14:13–14 “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” 03 July 2025 I am following up on a couple of things from the previous updates. After two letters to the electric company, they are crediting the $160 back to my account. I appreciate my doctor suggesting I contact them. The facts of my case stood on their own merits, but I was fully prepared to follow through with further action if they did not return the $160. Even the the heat is sweltering, I have turned off my a/c to save money. Secondly, I contacted the company that lowered my credit limit when I made a sizeable payment. In addition, they made so many adjustments to my account, but still failed to pay off my special financing. I requested a refund of my payment and they have issued a refund check. They kept my lower credit limit, now my existing balance exceeds it. Currently, I am choosing to prioritize my surviva l  over paying a company that mishandled my payment, confused my account with erratic adjustments, lowered my credit limit after making a large payment, and caused me distress. I must focus on critical expenses such as my mortgage, food, and utilities. I have determined that continuing to pay this company would directly interfere with my ability to survive. I am not making this decision lightly. I am simply protecting my well-being and peace of mind. I would like to get to a point where I do not have to worry how or when I will be able to buy food. I would like to be able to live, not just be alive—I really do not see a point. I will continue to pray to God that I will get the help that I need. Thank you for reading. I would really appreciate your help—whether through prayer, sharing or donating. Every bit helps! Even if you think it is not enough, it will make a difference. You can help financially in a few ways on the Support P age or you can donate directly on GoFundMe . Send prayers straight to God. Thank you again. Psalm 86:1-4 "Hear me, Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am faithful to you; save your servant who trusts in you. You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you." 29 June 2025 These past two weeks have been really discouraging and I am feeling life is pointless. For nearly two years now, I have been pouring out my heart and begging for help after my financial circumstances unexpectedly changed due to serious physical and mental health issues. Although I received help from several donors, allowing me to meet my monthly obligations, I was not able to pay down this debt in a meaningful way. Two months ago, a charity stepped up and helped me tremendously when they added funds to my utility account that would give me breathing room to pay down other debt. Sadly, this past week, the utility company took one third of this charitable contribution to use as deposit on my account. This has created hardship because the money had already been allocated to cover my electric bill throughout the summer. On my doctor's advice, I wrote to the electric company and asked them to reconsider the deposit. A couple of weeks ago, I took out a loan, using my car as collateral, to consolidate some debts—lowering my monthly obligation. It would also help decrease my anxiety by creating a lifeline of available credit in case of emergency. However, after paying over $1,200 which paid in full several small loans with one company, they responded by removing my entire line of credit since some of the loans were paid off several days past the due dates—not several months or weeks, but several days. Yesterday, another company did something similar after paying $1,000 towards my debt which should have included paying off a special no interest purchase. They not only did not pay off this special financing, they lowered my credit limit by $1,000 causing additional stress and harm to my credit score. I have never been late paying this monthly bill, but now I have little available credit. This is the third time this company has lowered my credit line after making a considerable payment to better my financial situation—I understood the first two times, but this time was not warranted. I cannot afford to live anymore. It is as simple as that. I am sacrificing, doing without basic needs, but all my effort seems to be in vain. I am thankful my son was able to pay for me to take the trip of my life, but it really highlights the sacrifices I make in my life just to survive. I had hope that I would be able to improve my financial situation, but these companies have destroyed any glimmer of hope I was grasping. Since my teens, I have become suicidal a few times a year without warning or obvious cause, so this financial strain really compounds the problem—making it more difficult to cope and find viable solutions. This may be viewed as dramatic or attention seeking, but not voicing what was on my mind in the past has led to multiple suicide attempts. About twenty years ago, I learned to recognize that these thoughts were not based on my true reality, but intrusive in nature and this feeling would eventually pass. Since then, I have been able to battle against my own mind even though it is painfully difficult and my mental health suffers. I can only pray that these suicidal thoughts will pass in time. Lamentations 3:17–18 “I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, ‘My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.’” Job 3:11 “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?” Psalm 88:3–4 “I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like one without strength.” Jeremiah 20:14 “Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!” Jeremiah 20:18 “Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame?” _____________________ "Each victim of suicide gives his act a personal stamp which expresses his temperament, the special conditions in which he is involved, and which, consequently, cannot be explained by the social and general causes of the phenomenon." ~ Emile Durkheim “One cannot long remain so absorbed in contemplation of emptiness without being increasingly attracted to it. In vain one bestows on it the name of infinity; this does not change its nature. When one feels such pleasure in non‑existence, one’s inclination can be completely satisfied only by completely ceasing to exist.” ~ Emile Durkheim 16 June 2025 I have been really praying for some serious financial relief, and today, I was able to use my car and household items as collateral for additional funds on an existing loan. In addition to extending my loan by thirty months, I had to get full coverage insurance on my car. While the extra money increased my loan payment by about $100/mo, it helped me catch up on monthly bills, pay down some credit card debt, and pay off a few smaller loans. As this is only a temporary solution, I will continue to pray for help with my financial situation. Out of the 8 billion people in the world, I know there must be some who are willing and able to help—I just have not reached them yet. Please be a kind human and help me reach out to the world at large. Hope is hard to hold onto when the world stays silent. Please consider being the person who helps someone hang on. Your help might be the turning point I desperately need. Go Fund Me Link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Blog Support Page: https://lmb523.wixsite.com/disconnexion/support Psalm 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles." 14 June 2025 Currently, I am still really hurting financially. I am a few hundred dollars short to be able to pay my bills this month. Once these bills become late, the amount due will snowball and I will never be able to catch up. I am feeling desperate and I really don't know what to do anymore. My mental health is not at it strongest right now. There haven't been any donations on my GoFundMe in nearly a year and it has been really difficult to pay my monthly bills. I have been selling my possessions, but I do not have very much left that people want to buy. I have been trying to get a job, but I get only rejections. I wanted to donate plasma, but I was told my veins were too small. For a number of reasons, I feel like I don't matter and it is increasingly painful just hanging on. If you are able to help, either with a donation or a consolidation loan, I would very much appreciate it. Even the smallest donation would give me a glimmer of hope. However, if anyone has $500 burning a hole in their pocket, it would help me tremendously. I have been trying my best to get out of this crippling debt for over 20 months, and just when I can see light, an unexpected expense sets me back. I am out of options. Please God, someone help me or find someone that can help. Thank you. https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” 28 May 2025 My train trip is complete and overall it was truly amazing. The few things that were an issue, Amtrak took seriously. I had anticipated donating plasma when my trip was complete. I learned I could make over $600 a month donating and I was really grateful that this opportunity would be available. I had to wait 56 days after my blood donation in March. The timing coincided perfectly with my trip and my bills that are due. This morning, I went to the plasma center where I spent nearly four hours completing paper work, taking my vitals, and having a physical. I passed everything including my plasma being in the acceptable range. I was brought to the donation room where it quickly went downhill. As I was standing by the door waiting for a seat, a lady came and put a band on my arm, but wasn't able to locate a vein on either arm. She told me to wait and before long a guy came and had the same trouble. He said I was not able to donate plasma because the needle is too big for my veins. He quickly asked me for the new donor card I was carrying and then walked away. I was devastated at the news. With tears in my eyes, I drove home the 36 miles from the center. I do not know how I am going to even make it through the month. I foolishly renewed my car tags, and paid two bills early, knowing I would have $200 this week, and $200 next week. My license plates expired on my birthday, and I did not want to drive to the plasma center unless I had a receipt showing I renewed them. I plan to adjust the prices on some of the items I have listed on Marketplace. I do not have many items left, but any amount will be helpful. If you are able to help in anyway, please visit the support page . The options to help now include CashApp, along with PayPal, and GoFundMe. Even the smallest donation can make a huge difference. If you are not able to help me financially, I would very much appreciate it if you pray for me and share my links. Thank you very much for reading. I will continue to trust in God and the humanity of the world. Thank you for your support. Isaiah 46:4 "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Donations can be made through PayPal — CashApp — GoFundMe 30 April 2025 (Part 3/3) An internal community group just applied a generous gift of $500 directly towards my electricity bill. I explained that I had already paid it using a loan to pay the bill in full, but to my surprise, they said they still wanted to help. I cried. This means I now have time to repay the loan without the pressure of another bill coming due right away.. I'm deeply grateful. This does not mean my financial situation is resolved — I am still facing a hardship from two bills — but this unexpected help came at exactly the right time. God really does see the full picture, even when we do not. If you have been considering helping or sharing my story, it would still mean very much to me. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers as I continue in this struggle. Isaiah 65:24 "Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." 30 April 2025 (Part 2/3) Update on my latest update! My electricity is back on! I just remembered a company recently gave me a credit line with a virtual credit card. I already used some of it for the things I needed for the trip and a place to stay in NY. I am really happy I thought of it, even though it won't be entirely easy to pay back, it is a better option than to be without power— in this Florida heat, no A/C, lights, or way to keep my just purchased food from spoiling would have been much worse. I was able to pay the bill in full. It only took minutes for my electric to be back on. Again, God provided—Thank You! I was talking about the $20 I spent on food—before the lack of power interrupted me! I sold a paper cutter, and I am so thankful that we agreed to meet at the Winn Dixie. I was able to find a huge 4.5 lb pack of sirloin pork chops for only $4.46. Along with the vegetables and sauce to slow cook it, my total came to $18.41. This is enough food to last me until I leave on my trip and have some in the freezer for when I return! God definitely had a hand in this deal! The man's last message to me as I was walking down the first aisle was, " Thank you again God bless you" I was certainly blessed today! Psalm 132:15 "I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor I will satisfy with food." 30 April 2025 (Part 1/3) I was down to a bowl of rice and a few bowls of oatmeal. I wasn't too concerned because God has always provided. Early this morning I got a message inquiring about a paper cutter I was selling. He lived quite a distance away, so I agreed to a meeting place at a Winn Dixie closer to where he lived and not too far to cause me more anxiety. It has been years since I have been to a Winn Dixie, but I hoped the $20 would go far. The meet went well and I headed off into the store. As I was typing this out, my electricity was turned off. because my $60.51 bill, due 13 days ago, was not paid. I called some agencies, but no one seems to be able to help. It is for these reasons it is really difficult for me to understand how I could be going on this trip next week. I appreciate that I didn't buy the train ticket, but the ride to the train station and back will cost me $160. That is the reason I am not able to pay my electric bill. If there was a safe place to leave my car, I could drive there myself. I will just continue to pray that God will help me in getting my electricity back on again. My good fortune at the store has been offset by this latest development! Deuteronomy 2:7 "The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything." GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion   PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/helplmb 27 April 2025 God smiled upon me this afternoon and provided the means I needed to be able to confirm my reservation in Upstate New York towards the end of my trip. Thank God for each person that prayed for me or sent thoughts out into the Universe about this time sensitive situation. I can be more at ease knowing I am one step closer to reuniting with my brothers and I will have a place to stay on my birthday! Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as my monthly financial outlook, although better than when I started asking for help in 2023, is still quite overwhelming, specifically because of two ongoing debts. Thank you for the support! 27 April 2025 My focus this week is on the last part of my upcoming trip. I found a place to stay that I would feel comfortable, but the total cost is around $330 for the days I would like to be in Upstate New York close to where I grew up. I hope to reconnect after decades of no contact with four of my brothers that live in the area—I do not know if they are even open to it, and I won't reach out until I have secured a place to stay. I am very thankful my son was able to purchase my train ticket, and is doing everything to make my stay in Kansas comfortable for me. I will also stay with my youngest brother out west for a few days—it has been over a decade since I have seen him. I keep hearing a whisper, "God will provide" when I think about what the last part of my trip will look like—which includes my birthday—but, I am still anxious because I do not want this property to become unavailable. The area is very remote, and options are few. When I think of how far I have come since the start of my GoFundMe until now, I am so grateful for the support I have received in all forms because it has been crucial to my survival. The request this week could be construed as luxurious, however, it is all part of my healing and beginning to live life unafraid. Thank you for any and all support. If you are not able to help financially, please keep me in your thoughts and share my story. Someone you know may have the ability and willingness to donate. The more people who are aware of my situation, the more opportunities there are for help to reach me. 🙏 🙏 GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion   PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/helplmb Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. "When you have lost hope, you have lost everything." — Pittacus 21 April 2025 This update may raise questions, so I want to be clear with those who have followed and supported me and others that may be contemplating a donation. My grandson is promoting to high school, and my son purchased a USA Rail Pass for me, so I can be there to celebrate this moment with family. That means a great deal to me. Since the pass allows up to ten segments of travel, I decided to use all of them. This gives me the chance to do something I have always dreamed of—traveling across the United States by train. It is not a vacation in the typical sense. I will be passing through many states, but I will not be sightseeing or even enjoying what each of the destination cities have to offer. I will mostly be at train stations waiting for my next connection. To manage during the trip, I am packing bottles of water and non-perishable food—Amtrak allows food and non-alcoholic beverages to be brought and consumed on board at your seat. That is a great perk of travelling by train since I will not have money to use the dining car or the café. I am trying to make this dream work with what I have. I want to be clear—this trip is not an indication that I am financially stable. The GoFundMe is still up because I am still struggling to satisfy my monthly obligations. Right now, I urgently need help with paying off two bills. It is very stressful trying to figure out if I am going to have enough money for basic needs. I am still selling my belongings to make ends meet. Nothing about this trip changes that reality. If you are able to help, I would be deeply grateful. If not, I understand. I appreciate everyone who has taken time to read, share, or support in any way. Thank you. GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Philippians 4:12–13 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." I am grateful for every donation. 18 March 2025 This week I donated blood and it came with bonus gift cards which I used for food. I was just headed to Walmart to buy food before the storm hit. I wasn't sure how I was going to replace the $20 bill money I planned to spend. I just knew I needed food in case of a possible power outage. I pulled into the parking lot and I saw a blood donation truck. I decided to give blood before going into the store. When it was all said and done, I was given two $10 gift cards for Walmart! God is great and always provides! I am currently $160 away from being able to get home internet. It has been rough without it for the last nine months. It was great to be able to start back therapy in January, but my video appointments have been disrupted due to weak cellphone service in my area. Internet would also be helpful in my mental health journey to be able to stream on Twitch again. I just listed my camera for sale on Marketplace, but I am not sure if it will sell. It was a tough decision, but I need internet more than I need a camera. If you are able to help me, or you know others that are able to help, please do all you can to make it happen. I am thankful that I have come this far and I am doing well in most aspects of my life. This financial predicament I am in will get better with time, but as I have seen over the last decade with family and friends, time can run out at any moment regardless of age or health. I pray that God put my plea on your heart. GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Proverbs 11:25  "A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."  Nikon Camera - Focus on Giving - Donate Today 11 March 2025 I will continue to pray for financial relief. I am grateful my check comes tomorrow and I will be able to buy food. I was excited for a moment when I saw I had 80 reward points and a free pizza available. However, there are catches for both. The reward points can only be redeemed one time per order—either 20, 40, or 60 points. The free pizza is delivery only and a minimum order of $15 is required. No pizza today! Update: I was able to get a $15 Domino's e-gift card from Amazon! God is great, God is good, let me thank him for my food. By his hand, I am fed, Thank you Lord, for my daily bread! Amen. Please help if you are able. GoFundMe https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion 27 February 2025 What a difference a day makes! Thankfully, I was able to buy food today! It gets scary when I get down to my literal last meal not knowing when I will be able to get more. I have had experiences when someone would say they have nothing to eat in the house, but what they really mean is they don't have food that appeals to them or doesn't require preparing. When I say I am out of food, my cupboards, freezer, and refrigerator are empty—except for maybe a few pats of butter and a condiment. Thank God I will have enough food for the next couple of weeks! God will provide! 1 Timothy 6:8 "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." 26 February 2025 I have continued to sacrifice and I am thankful I have made it this far. It is difficult not having internet, but more difficult not having teeth or food. My house needs repairs and I am barely surviving. After waiting for my glasses for over three weeks, I had to get a refund because they did not fit. The money was used to help me make it through January and February after learning my benefits were lowered. I am cancelling my lawn service, although lawn care is a necessity, having someone mow it for me is a luxury. I ordered a push mower today. The money I would have paid the lawn service will go to pay that charge for the next six months, but then it will be mine—in the end, reducing my monthly debt. I cannot justify taking the trip to see my grandson's 8th grade graduation even though my son offered to pay some of my travelling expenses. However, miracles do happen, so I am not giving up hope. I have been contemplating what makes me and my circumstances unworthy of crowdfunding . When I hear about GoFundMe campaigns raising tens of thousands of dollars for things like a pizza delivery driver that received a two dollar tip ( $45K) , a ten year old looking for friends ($ 37K) , and a woman found a moneybag and took it to the police ( $82K) , I am not jealous, I am confused. What these three stories do have in common is someone else believed in them and started the GoFundMe campaign. The money that was donated to my campaign over the last 17 months helped me get through some of my darkest moments. I am doing better overall, and making great strides mentally, but I am still very much in need financially. I continue to pray that God will provide as He does. If you are not able to donate, please help by sharing my links. Blog: savedthoughts.com GoFundMe https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Job 5:8-9 "But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." 06 February 2025 I have not been updating this as often because no one has donated in over six months. On some days, I am really discouraged. I have just started planning a trip to see my grandchildren and celebrate my grandson's 8th grade graduation. It is a big expense, and I feel guilty over the fact that I still have my GoFundMe active. I will not be here forever, and the last time I was with my two oldest grandkids was over five years ago. I have sacrificed my entire life to meet my responsibilities, but this time I am not going to sacrifice this celebration—my son will help me fund this trip. It doesn't remove the fact that I struggle every month to pay my bills. If I can get a loan and one credit card paid off, I feel I will be able to live a normal life. Right now, I am barely living. I cook in bulk and eat for less than $2 a day, yet I still struggle to buy food. I don't think I am "entitled"—I just do not understand why so few have offered to help. Perhaps it is because I am asking for donations for myself, instead of someone else holding the fundraiser for me. That probably would be better, but I do not have anyone to advocate for me. I appreciate anyone who has helped over the last 16 months. I hope no one thinks it is too extravagant for me to plan this trip for May. I have come very far, and I do not want to lose my progress. Please share this blog or the GoFundMe link. Thank you. 12 January 2025 Today, I just want to thank God for providing. This past week, I sold jewelry for more than I was asking. I found the courage to go in to Walmart to buy groceries—the first time in a store in some years. When I was leaving, some guys noticed my tires were dangerously low, and oddly enough, the guy behind me had an air compressor and inflated them. I am very appreciative for this act of kindness. Earlier today, my neighbor called unexpectedly and asked if I wanted two hamburgers. I said yes, and he brought over two patties and an onion. Thank you so much—it could not have come at a better time. I was hungry, but I didn't want to eat the last of my food—a sweet potato and slice of meat. I wanted to save it in case I couldn't go to the store. Tomorrow, I will have a payday loan to help me buy food for the coming weeks. It is not ideal, but if I can sell more items, I can pay it off early and save on the high interest. I am grateful I was able to find insurance that my doctor accepts and has some vision coverage. I already had my first doctor appointment for the year, and it is reassuring to know the cost is covered. My new eyeglasses should be in this week! I remain deeply thankful for the generous gift that allowed me to get the best lenses, with all the features I needed, early in the year. The gift was a sight for sore eyes—literally! I see God’s hand in every kindness extended my way. This week has reminded me that He provides—through generous hearts, unexpected blessings, and even strangers who cross my path. His provision shows up through people willing to help—it is through their actions that I see His grace. I am truly humbled by every blessing that finds me. God has worked through so many people to provide exactly what I needed when I needed it. Philippians 1:3 "I thank my God every time I remember you." 2 January 2025 I am sharing an update today because I had a call about my upcoming appeals hearing. During this pre-hearing call, Crystal explained why my benefit was decreased. We went over my monthly bills and income. The 2.5% cost of living adjustment (COLA) put me close to the threshold of being ineligible for the food benefit. I just wanted my case reviewed. With a better understanding of why my benefit was decreased by half, I withdrew my request for an appeals hearing. Update: I am only eligible to receive $23 a month for food. I am still okay with the outcome based on my new monthly expenses including cheaper insurance.. Your support, in any form, means so much—whether through a donation, sharing my fundraiser, or prayers. Spreading the word online or offline could connect me with those willing to help. There are a variety of share options on the GoFundMe site. https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Thank you for any help you are able to provide! Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 1 January 2025 As the new year begins, I am doing much better all around than I was this time last year. The ending of 2024 renewed my hope for a brighter future. Not only did I sell some items on Marketplace and at Brown's Junk In The Trunk Sale , I received a beautiful Christmas gift that will allow me to see things more clearly. Thank you. 💙 I have an appeal hearing on 14 January, but I don't really hold much hope that my food benefit will be increased back to $48 per month. I will be disappointed, yet thankful for the $24, if my appeal is denied. It is possible they were using outdated data when they decreased it close to where it was two years ago. Systems aren't perfect, so I wait. I am praying for help to lighten the burden of overwhelming debt. I understand it is an enormous amount to seek, but if I don't ask for help outright, how would anyone even know I am struggling. Every act of kindness, no matter the size, will add up and make an extraordinary impact. A single small donation from many can create the change I so deeply need, while one bold act of generosity could make it all possible in an instant. If you feel moved to help, please know that your contribution—however small or large—truly matters and will make a difference. With that said, if you are unable to help financially, please pray and share my story in hopes of helping me find the relief I need. Please consider sharing my GoFundMe link with your community, both online and offline. Word of mouth, church, bulletin boards, social media and email all can be powerful avenues to spread the word and connect with those who may be able and willing to help. By sharing, you are offering others the chance to make a meaningful difference in my life. https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Thank you, your help is truly appreciated! I look forward to a wonderful year ahead! 1 Peter 4:10  "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms." go to top of page

the page waits, I wait, words scatter somewhere beyond reach fingers still, mind restless, ideas slip through like sand I hold nothing but silence, a blank screen stares back I am its reflection, still quiet, waiting for a spark that does not come thoughts circle but never land, each sentence feels borrowed each word, misplaced. I sit with the emptiness until it feels like home I try to start, but the lines unravel before they form something is stuck, maybe it is me or maybe it is just the day the cursor blinks like a heartbeat I cannot feel, time moves, but I stay here unmoved, unwritten, the emptiness is not a void, but a mirror it shows me all the things I cannot yet name I chase meaning, but it hides in the spaces between thoughts the words are there, I can almost hear them, soft, distant whispers the screen waits for a beginning, but all I have are unfinished lines the act of writing feels distant, almost forgotten, like a language I once knew perhaps the block is not in the words, but in the weight I give them. what if there is nothing left to say, what if I have already said too much the quiet becomes heavy, the page feels lighter than ever there is no block only silence that lingers and thoughts that never slow I sit watching the words float by, waiting for one brave enough to stay what if the page does not need perfection, only presence

I have always been able to adapt to what someone else is doing, almost without thinking. If they are interested in something, I can easily step into that space with them. That kind of flexibility comes naturally to me, but I have noticed it is not something most people do. Many seem more rooted in their own routines, interests, or preferences. They do not shift as easily, and they do not always understand why I do. For me, it feels normal—like connection matters more than control. I am learning that this kind of adaptability is not as common as I thought. It can make me feel out of place because most people seem to have a strong sense of what they like or do not like—and they often expect others to be the same. Overall, I do not have strong likes or dislikes—television, movies, food, music, sports—I am open to new possibilities! Being highly adaptable, people might see it as indecisiveness, inauthenticity, or even a lack of personality, even though I can be indecisive, that is not what this is about. I notice that others hold tightly to their preferences, while I am more focused on connection or harmony. That difference can leave me feeling misunderstood, or like my way of relating does not quite fit in. Not everyone knows what they like. That might sound strange, but it is true. Some people grow up without being asked what they want. Others learn to keep quiet to avoid conflict. Some go numb after trauma or heartbreak. And some just feel more interested in what someone else enjoys—especially when that someone means a lot to them. Sometimes you really do start liking something after you meet a person who lights up when they talk about it. That shared interest might begin as curiosity, but it can turn into something real. You do not have to be just like them to feel connected—but finding common ground can make you feel closer without losing yourself. You want to feel closer to them. Liking the same things creates a sense of connection. When you show interest in what they enjoy, it builds a bridge between you and makes it easier to bond. You enjoy seeing them happy. Their enthusiasm becomes contagious. Even if something was not interesting to you before, seeing how much joy it brings them can make you curious enough to try it—and sometimes you end up liking it too. You want to spend more time with them. If they love hiking, gaming, cooking, or reading sci-fi, and you start doing it too, you naturally create more chances to be around them. It gives you shared activities, which means shared time. You respect their taste. When you admire someone, you often trust their opinions. So, if they are passionate about a movie genre, a hobby, or a subject, you might give it a chance because you believe there must be something worthwhile in it. You want to understand them better. Their interests might reflect how they think, feel, or see the world. By learning about what they love, you gain insight into who they are. It helps you connect on a deeper level. You genuinely grow to like the same things. This is not pretending. Sometimes, just being open-minded and exposed to new things through someone else helps you discover something you never knew you would enjoy. You feel more included. If they are talking about things they love, and you are not familiar, it can make you feel left out. Learning about their interests helps you feel involved in their world. You want to show you care. Taking the time to learn about and share their interests is a form of affection. It is a way of saying, “What matters to you matters to me.” You like who you become when you are with them. Sometimes the things you adopt from someone else lead to personal growth. You may feel more creative, adventurous, or thoughtful. Liking what they like can make you feel like a better version of yourself. Wanting to share someone's interests can come from a healthy place—connection, curiosity, admiration, or care. You might think you are just being agreeable or open-minded, but there are times when that pattern is rooted in something harder to face—like emotional numbness, people-pleasing, or the effects of past trauma. What looks like flexibility on the surface might actually be a survival strategy you have carried for years. It can reflect emotional numbness or detachment Sometimes, not having strong preferences is a symptom of depression, burnout, or trauma. When you are overwhelmed or emotionally shut down, you might lose access to your own desires or feelings. It is not that you do not care—it is that you cannot care right then. This can include not knowing what you like to eat, watch, listen to, or do. It can be rooted in people-pleasing or fawning Some people learn—especially from early life experiences or difficult relationships—that their preferences are less important than keeping others comfortable. So you may suppress your likes and dislikes, always deferring to what others want. Over time, you might stop even knowing what you want. It might be about low curiosity or passivity In some cases, someone may never have explored their likes or dislikes because they were never encouraged to do so. If no one ever asked you what you liked, or if you were always told what to do, you may have never developed that internal compass. You may live reactively, instead of intentionally. It can be a sign of extreme flexibility or indifference Some people genuinely just go along with things and feel okay either way. But even then, most people still have some preferences or interests. If you claim to never care about anything, it can raise a flag that something deeper is going on—whether emotional, psychological, or behavioral. In relationships, it can create imbalance If you are with someone who never has opinions or desires of their own, it can feel like everything falls on you. They may say, “Whatever you want,” but over time that can feel like disinterest, disconnection, or emotional laziness. You may start to feel alone, even if they are physically present. Final thoughts People influence each other all the time. Attraction and admiration are powerful motivators, and sometimes they unlock parts of you that were just waiting for the right reason to come alive. Not having strong preferences is not a problem if it comes from peace and openness. But if it comes from fear, trauma, or avoidance, then it becomes a barrier to connection and authenticity. When you are a naturally adaptable person, being with someone who is rigid in their preferences can be exhausting. You might keep offering suggestions, trying to find something you can both enjoy, but everything is met with “no” or “not interested” for one reason or another. It feels like they are not even willing to meet you halfway. You are not asking them to love everything—you just want them to be willing to try. Philippians 2:4 “Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

So far, I have played Ursid for 23.3 hours. I solved 3,000 polygons and got the “I Love You 3000” achievement. I have completed 43 out of the 60 achievements and I am still playing at times throughout the day. I took Astronomy classes in college and I wrote an astropsychology book, and I enjoy Art, so right off, I was intrigued with this game. The story is really compelling so far. I usually do not look ahead in games, so I am not exactly sure what is going on with Aster and his dad, but it feels like something sad is coming. At least that is what I am mentally preparing for as I let the story unfold. In addition, I really enjoy looking at the finished art pieces. They are totally amazing. The first day I played while I was streaming. Surprisingly, three and a half hours went by so fast. The puzzles are really enjoyable to complete. After a while of solving the puzzles, you can start to get a feel for what stars to connect. That doesn't completely take away the challenge, but it does allow you to complete the puzzles at a good pace. The artwork is breathtaking in a sort of Minecraft way if you know what I mean. It reminds me of those suncatchers you can make, where each little section is a random shape and color, and when you finish, you get a full piece of art. The lines, colors, and dots all come together to show so much motion and detail. The music is exactly the kind I listen to while streaming. I was having a romcom-type emotional moment the other day (not related to the game) and I was crying. I was able to continue playing even though I was deep in thought, but I was also aware the music fit my romcom moment perfectly. The music is so relaxing and can transport you to wherever you need to go in that moment. The first day I played while I was streaming on Twitch. Surprisingly, three and a half hours went by so fast. When I first started the game, the music was really loud. However, once the game is started you can get to the settings menu. One thing I wish the game had was an option to turn off the motion. Some stars have a blue light that circles around them. That kind of motion messes with my brain and is very distracting. This game is perfect for anyone who likes a story, patterns, simplicity, and relaxation. You do not need a block of time to play. You can play for five minutes or two hours. I personally enjoy repetition in activities, as many people do. I think a comparison between Ursid and a mandala coloring book is warranted. In Ursid, instead of coloring the shapes, you connect dots to form the shape and the shape colors itself! I definitely recommend buying Ursid on Steam if you are looking for a game to play while you unwind. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2925290/Ursid/ I am really thankful Jay from UmerGameworks reached out to me and gave me the opportunity to try it. Toi thich game nay lam! A Side Note: The Ursid meteor shower is an annual meteor shower that appears to radiate from the constellation Ursa Minor (the Little Bear). It is active from December 17th to 26th, with a peak around December 22nd. Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Kindness and grudges can coexist! You might think of yourself as a kind person. And maybe you are. You help people when they need it. You try to be understanding. You give encouragement, offer your time, and stay calm in moments when others would lose it. On the outside, there is no question: you are kind. But what people do not always see - and what you may barely admit to yourself - is the list you carry. The emotional ledger. Who forgot you. Who did not show up. Who only called when they needed something. Who disappointed you once, and never made it right. You can want peace but still carry emotional debts that never got paid. Even if you never bring it up, it is there. It affects how close you allow people to get. It decides whether you return the call, whether you accept the invitation, whether you emotionally check out of a relationship before the other person even knows something is wrong. Kindness and grudge-holding can exist in the same person. You can be kind and still hold grudges. These two things do not cancel each other out. They just create a tension inside you - between who you want to be, and what you have not let go of. It does not mean you are a bad person. It means you are human. But there is a cost. Grudge-holding slowly hardens your kindness into something transactional. You might still be nice, but your warmth becomes selective. Your emotional doors are harder to open. People might describe you as generous, but distant. Helpful, but reserved. Loyal, but not fully present. If this sounds like you, here is the hard truth: You are not protecting yourself by holding on to all the ways people failed you - you are isolating yourself. The past hurts, yes, but keeping score does not give you power. It keeps you emotionally stuck. You replay the same scene over and over and never get the closure you were hoping for. Ask yourself: What do I gain from remembering this pain so clearly? Has it protected me? Has it healed me? Or has it made me less open to the kind of connection I want most? Now flip it. Maybe you are on the other side. Maybe you are close to someone who seems kind - thoughtful, helpful, even affectionate at times - but something always feels a little off. A little cautious. A little conditional. They keep track. They seem hurt when you do not say the right thing, or show up at the right moment, or respond quickly enough. They may not tell you directly, but you feel it in the distance that follows. The quiet withdrawal and slightly colder tone. If you recognize that in someone you care about, pay attention. Not everyone holds grudges in obvious ways. Some people never raise their voice. They do not argue or accuse. They just quietly begin to emotionally subtract from the relationship - until you feel like you are giving more than you are receiving, just to maintain peace. Whether you are the one holding the grudge, or the one feeling the weight of someone else's - this is about choice. Recognizing this in yourself is not weakness - it is maturity. Letting go does not mean forgetting. It means choosing not to let old pain control your present. If this is something you noticed in another person, It is not your job to fix that in someone else. But you do need to be honest about whether their kindness is truly unconditional - or if it comes with a price that slowly drains you. Kindness is not measured just by how nice you are in the moment. It is measured by what you do with pain when it comes. Do you use it to justify distance, resentment, or withdrawal? Or do you face it, process it, and let it go for the sake of deeper connection? You cannot rewrite the past. But you can decide whether you carry it forward in every relationship - or whether you choose to make room for closeness, healing, and peace. Because kindness without emotional honesty is performance. And grudges without resolution are slow poison to yourself and your relationships. Letting go is choosing freedom - yours and theirs. Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Introduction: Living with mental health conditions, including Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder, significantly shapes how I interact with the world. Disclosing these challenges, even to strangers, helps set expectations and fosters understanding. It can seem like over-sharing to be this open, but it allows me to function with a bit more ease when people understand where I’m coming from. The reality is, living with multiple diagnoses can complicate how these conditions affect my behavior and relationships in ways that may not always be apparent. I want to first write about feeling unsupported to get that out of the way. Later, there are some suggestions on helpful things you can say or do, in response to each diagnosis. Having dealt with these mental health challenges for my entire life, I’ve learned that they are not obstacles to overcome, but integral parts of who I am. While well-meaning suggestions on how to fix me may arise, I find that they often miss the mark. Instead of seeking solutions to change my essence, what truly helps is understanding, support, and recognition of my unique character. It’s frustrating when I need to remind people about my anxiety, especially when they react negatively to my need to "step away." My anxiety can be completely unrelated to them, it may be a random thought, or in many instances, I don't know the reason, I just know I need to leave where I am at that moment. Yet, they take it personally, even when I tell them it wasn't them, and they said nothing wrong. It shouldn’t be so hard to understand my limitations and boundaries. I shouldn't have to defend my autism and the quirks attributed to being autistic. I shouldn't have to fear my PTSD will make someone uncomfortable when I have a flashback or some other reaction. I shouldn't be shamed for exhibiting signs of ADHD, because I have ADHD! I spent decades getting yelled at and shamed for things I couldn't help. I still exhibit the same behaviors! Another problem I encounter is seeing things so vividly that may or may not have happened. I find myself responding to people with what is in my head at the time, which may not always be the most accurate reflection of my thoughts.. Later, I might recall more information or find clarity, leading to a change in my story. That isn't fun and it makes me hesitant to share stories or to answer when others ask me questions. I don't want to be perceived as a liar! I have even told my therapist that she should ask me questions that I can respond to the following week! Finally, it’s dismissive to act as if my struggles are not real or it is something I can simply get over. I am not "too intelligent to have a mental illness." The same mental illness can affect people differently, and there are other factors to consider like support, available resources, and severity.. Which brings me to my next topic—multiple diagnoses. Understanding the interplay of my multiple diagnoses—Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder—requires a closer look at how each condition uniquely influences my life. Each diagnosis comes with its own set of challenges and characteristics, yet they often intersect in ways that complicate my daily experiences. This complexity is not just about managing symptoms; it’s about recognizing how these conditions interact to shape my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In the following sections, I will explore each diagnosis and comorbidity briefly, highlighting how they contribute to my overall experience and the specific challenges they present. Autism: Autism manifests differently for everyone, and for me, it often involves sensory sensitivities and communication challenges. Situations that might seem routine to others can become overwhelming. Things like giving me too much information at once, unfamiliar environments, repetitive sounds like humming or tapping can quickly cause sensory overload, leading me to a sharp reaction or need to step away. Sudden change is very difficult to process. If I am experiencing a meltdown, I can become overwhelmed with emotion that may be expressed through anger or sadness. I have a touch sensitivity with the texture of some paper and books. I have above-average intelligence, which can create a false perception that I don’t struggle, leading to misunderstandings about my abilities. I am a truth seeker, with a strong sense of what is just and fair, and I hold people accountable for their words and actions.. In relationships, this can come across as being harsh, or confrontational, when really, I'm just trying to manage my environment and my emotions. Sometimes I struggle to read social cues or respond in the 'typical' way, which might make interactions awkward. How You Can Help: If I say I need to step away or take a break, please don't take it personally—avoid pushing me to stay. Be patient if I'm slow to respond or seem overwhelmed. Try to limit sensory input (lower the volume, give me space) when you notice I'm getting stressed. ADHD: ADHD, for me, means difficulty with focus, organization, and sometimes even completing simple tasks. My mind is often racing with a million thoughts, which can lead to being easily distracted, restless, and forgetful. I will often say, "what?" when someone speaks to me because there is a processing delay. I typically respond with an answer before the person can repeat what was said. This can be frustrating for the other person. This isn't about a lack of effort—it's the way my brain is wired. In social settings, I may jump from one topic to another, interrupt unintentionally, or struggle to maintain focus during a conversation. If I don’t follow through on a task or seem disorganized, it’s not because I don’t care—it’s because I’m genuinely struggling with executive function. How You Can Help: Be understanding if I forget something or need reminders, without making me feel guilty. Just know, I am not doing things like leaving cabinet doors open intentionally! If I say "what?" at that moment, I honestly don't know what was said, but give it several seconds, my processor is slow, and I may actually know what was said. Give me time to get organized or complete a task without rushing or pressuring me. Help me break down big tasks into smaller, more manageable steps when I seem overwhelmed. I know this helps, but I often forget to apply this strategy in the moment, so gentle reminders can be beneficial. PTSD: PTSD can be one of the most invisible yet debilitating aspects of my mental health. Certain sounds, smells, or situations can trigger flashbacks, anxiety, or panic attacks. These triggers are often unpredictable, and I may not even realize what's setting me off until it’s too late. In these moments, I can become highly alert to perceived danger, distant, or become irritable. In relationships, PTSD can make trust difficult, and I might seem quiet, withdrawn or afraid. It's not a reflection of my feelings toward someone, but rather my need to protect myself in moments of high stress or fear. Something that is easily handled today, may be a trigger tomorrow. It is something I cant control, and I know you don't want me to be this way—I don't want to be this way either. With this understanding, I hope to foster trust and deeper connections with those around me. How You Can Help: Encourage me to talk about or do things I am not comfortable with, but avoid pushing me, especially when I seem anxious. In the same vain, don't discourage me when I am hesitant. Respect my boundaries if I need space or am triggered by something. Try to notice when I’m becoming overwhelmed and help create a calmer environment if possible. Even ask if I would like to take a break. Severe Anxiety Disorder: Severe anxiety is more than just worrying; it can take over my entire thought process, making even simple decisions feel overwhelming. I live with this anxiety 24/7, and while it often isn’t rational, it exists and affects my daily life in significant ways. Social situations can be particularly difficult, as my mind races with what-if scenarios. In these moments, I might experience a full-on panic attack, leaving me feeling trapped and unable to respond to those around me. This racing mind hinders my ability to engage in conversations fully, making me appear distant or disconnected. When anxiety strikes, my ability to function normally takes a huge hit. I often find myself pacing the floor at varying speeds, unsure of what to do or how to stop. Internally, my thoughts are running rampant, and my heart pounds. Only later, after I've calmed down, does my rationality return, and I can feel relief knowing that another crisis has been averted. Another reaction to anxiety can be a strong urge to run or flee from the situation. After taking some time away, I can return with clearer thinking, allowing me to process the moment more effectively. Understanding this aspect of my mental health can help others see that my reactions are often not a reflection of my feelings toward them but rather a response to the intense pressure of my anxiety. How You Can Help: If I say I need a moment to gather my thoughts, please respect that and avoid putting pressure on me. Offer reassurance in a calm and steady way if I seem anxious, but don’t try to "fix" the situation. Give me space to make decisions, and don’t rush or overwhelm me with too many choices at once. If you see me pacing the floor, ask me about it, and let me know I am pacing. Comorbidity: Managing life with just one diagnosis—Autism, ADHD, PTSD, or Severe Anxiety Disorder—is difficult enough, but having all four, along with other challenges, creates a constant struggle. The interplay among these conditions generates a wide range of emotions that can be triggered at any moment, making it challenging to control my responses. Each diagnosis contributes uniquely to my experiences, often overlapping and amplifying one another. Think of comorbidity like having a group of friends, each representing a different mental health condition in your life. Anxiety is that friend who always shows up unexpectedly, bringing a whirlwind of thoughts and worries. Then there’s ADHD, the energetic buddy who loves to keep things spontaneous and sometimes distracts everyone from the main conversation. Next is PTSD, the friend who occasionally brings up tough memories that everyone would prefer to forget, which can make gatherings feel heavy. Finally, there’s Autism, the friend who adds a unique perspective to the group. Some friends get along really well, like Anxiety and ADHD, who often have a wild time together. However, PTSD can clash with both, making things complicated. Just like friendships, these dynamics can change daily; one might be more prominent or easier to manage on some days than others. Sometimes Autism helps clarify misunderstandings, while other times he can create confusion, showing just how complex our interactions can be! Understanding how these "friends" interact helps make sense of the complexity of living with multiple conditions. For instance, my ADHD may lead to impulsivity, making it hard to stay focused in conversations, while my anxiety can create a sense of paralysis that prevents me from speaking up. Similarly, the sensory sensitivities associated with Autism can clash with the hyperactivity from ADHD, resulting in overwhelming moments that leave me feeling drained or extremely anxious. This intricate relationship means that I can’t always pinpoint what’s causing a particular feeling or behavior; instead, I just accept the fact that one diagnosis often counteracts or intensifies the effects of another. This complexity underscores the need for understanding and support, as somethings I do or say are often beyond my control. How You Can Help: Learn about each diagnosis on a basic level. They affect everyone differently. Understand how one diagnosis can counter or intensify the other diagnoses. Feel free to ask me anything—I’ll be more than happy to help you help me. A little bit of patience from others can go a long way. Recognize I am struggling, and offer reassurance. Memory Function and Mental Illness In some cases, I have an excellent memory, especially when it comes to dates and numbers. I pick up on patterns and find them both interesting and exciting. In addition, when I encounter information that doesn’t make sense to me, it lingers in the back of my mind, impossible to forget. It stays there until something finally triggers a connection, and once it makes sense, I can finally let it go and forget it. At other times, though, I struggle to recall even basic information without hints. This contrast is especially noticeable in my language learning endeavor—multiple choice is a breeze compared to fill in the blank lessons without a word bank to help. After doing some research, I’ve learned that the process of recalling information without hints, known as free recall, can be particularly challenging. Free recall is mainly handled by the hippocampus and parts of the prefrontal cortex in the brain. The hippocampus helps store and retrieve memories, while the prefrontal cortex assists in organizing and accessing them. When I try to recall something without any external cues, like remembering details about a movie, lyrics to a song or how to say, how are you?" in a foreign language, the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex are the brain regions that work together. On the other hand, recognition memory, which involves identifying familiar information when given hints or options, relies on areas like the parahippocampal cortex and the entorhinal cortex. These parts of the brain help me recognize scenes from a movie, sing along to songs, and study 22 languages for example, when I’m given a clue.. I’ve noticed that while I struggle with free recall, I perform quite well when I have hints, and this tendency can sometimes be seen in several neurocognitive conditions. Specialists have already confirmed my diagnoses, and it’s interesting to see the correlation between my memory and my conditions: ADHD  – People with ADHD often struggle with working memory, which involves holding and manipulating information in the short term. This affects their ability to recall information on demand, particularly without external cues. The brain's executive function, responsible for organizing and retrieving information, can be underactive, making it harder to access memories spontaneously. ADHD also impacts attention and focus, meaning if the information wasn't encoded properly due to distractions, it may be harder to retrieve later. Structured prompts or specific cues often help trigger the memory more easily. This could explain why I struggle in situations where I need to recall specific details on the spot, but with a little prompting, I can access the information more easily. Anxiety  – Anxiety impairs memory because it heightens arousal and stress, which divert cognitive resources away from proper information encoding and retrieval. When anxious, the brain prioritizes immediate perceived threats, reducing focus and making it harder to process and store details. The constant mental "noise" from anxious thoughts can block access to stored information, leading to memory lapses. Additionally, anxiety often causes emotional memory to take precedence, so while the feelings about an experience may be easily recalled, the specific facts or details are harder to retrieve. This aligns with my experience of often remembering my emotional reactions, but I find it difficult to pull up any specific facts or details about general topics. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)  –For individuals with ASD, memory processing can be atypical, often relying more on recognition or pattern-based recall than free recall. The challenges stem from differences in how information is encoded, with difficulties in processing abstract concepts or social nuances. This can make retrieving information from memory without explicit prompts difficult, especially if the context isn't clear. However, when information is presented in a structured, familiar, or patterned way, it may be easier for them to remember. Context and recognition often play a key role in aiding their recall abilities. This highlights why I remember certain facts or patterns, but struggle to pull information from my mind without a trigger. PTSD  – PTSD can disrupt normal memory function through emotional and cognitive interference. In PTSD, the brain's heightened state of alertness can lead to fragmented memory encoding, meaning information isn’t stored efficiently. Trauma-related memories can dominate, making it hard to access non-trauma-related memories. Furthermore, the brain may prioritize these negative emotions over neutral or positive memories, resulting in more vivid recollection of traumatic or distressing events, while everyday details become harder to retrieve. This is why flashbacks can bring back specific moments vividly, while day-to-day recall feels sluggish or blocked. This helps me understand why I have a lot of blank spots in my memory. Things I seem to remember are negative memories and due to the trauma, positive or neutral memories can't be retrieved Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI)  – MCI primarily affects memory by weakening the ability to recall information independently. The brain processes and stores information less efficiently than expected for age, so free recall, which requires pulling information from memory without hints, becomes more difficult. This is because the pathways for accessing stored memories begin to degrade, even though the information might still be there. Recognition, however, remains less affected since it involves identifying familiar information, which relies on different brain functions that remain intact longer. I sometimes become very frustrated when I’m unable to recall information, and I feel that my declining memory is not due to aging, but thankfully it doesn’t yet disrupt my everyday activities . Having spoken with both neurological and psychological specialists about my memory challenges, I understand that memory difficulties like this can vary greatly, and it’s reassuring to know that what I experience isn’t uncommon given my diagnoses. This information is useful in helping me develop coping strategies that work for me. Conclusion: I realize this is a lot of information to process, but it’s necessary for me to share how these challenges shape my life. Disclosing these difficulties helps me set expectations with the people around me. It’s easy to let someone know that I struggle with these conditions, and knowing that others understand where I’m coming from can make all the difference. Small actions—like giving me space, being patient, and being cognizant of my struggles, along with reassuring me if you notice I'm getting anxious—can have a big impact. Living with Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and Severe Anxiety Disorder is a daily effort, but having a little support from those around me makes it more manageable. It's funny, sometimes I find myself wondering which part of me is influencing my thoughts and actions in certain situations. Was that my Autism questioning that sentence? Or was it my Anxiety, second-guessing everything I write? Then again, maybe it was my ADHD, making me lose focus of the topic altogether. It's hard to say! But then it hits me—perhaps it's just my PTSD chiming in, a reminder of that college professor who ridiculed my writing when I was just 15 years old.. That experience left a mark, and sometimes it resurfaces unexpectedly. It’s a wild ride—comorbidity—and a clear illustration of how each of these parts of me creates a mental health mashup. I am who I am, but am I who I was supposed to be? I was uniquely created, with my individual traits and experiences that contribute to who I am today and who I will become tomorrow and beyond. Accepting my individuality is necessary, as it shapes my path and purpose in life. Writing and sharing my story is a testament to God's work. Ephesians 2:10  “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

I am writing about the connection I had with someone I met while on a fresh air/smoke break in Washington DC. I would later learn his name was David. It turns out David came from Albany, NY on a different train than the one I took from Rome, NY. I boarded my train at 7:45 AM with Albany being a stop around the 10 AM hour. He got on his train at around 7:00 AM after driving well over an hour to the train station. Interestingly, the Rome train station was closer to him in Cooperstown, but his ride preferred the roads to Albany. He arrived at Penn Station in NYC with a five hour layover. I only had a two hour layover. I could only imagine how it would have been if we had met twelve hours earlier. I arrived at the Rome station on time thanks to my Uber driver Timothy. I learned Timothy served in the Army during the 1980s. The unmanned station was empty, but thankfully it was daylight because the inside was dark with plywood and metal bars created corridors. There were few signs, but somehow I found the tracks by way of the elevator. I took a video of my train arriving, and it appeared the engineer did two short blasts on the horn when I waved at him. I don't know if it is true, but that is the story I am going with if anyone asks. I was really just happy I made it to the station without delay. My trip from Rome to New York City went pretty fast. I met Jason on the train—he was on his way to a friend’s wedding. He seemed nervous and uncertain about what to expect. I overheard him chatting with his sister and his seatmate. Like many, his family dynamic sounded dysfunctional. I gave him one of my cards because he sounded like he could use a friend. He already found my Twitch channel and followed. He got off the train in Poughkeepsie, NY. My seatmate, if I remember her name was Lynette, was quiet during the trip, but talked pleasantly when we were nearing New York City. She definitely helped me so I wouldn't feel so lost when we arrived at Penn Station - Moynihan Hall. Moynihan Hall at Penn station was beautiful, bright, and clean. After checking my suitcase, I decided to step outside. To my surprise, Madison Square Garden was directly across the street! I feel this really opens up so many possibilities for future entertainment and travel! I saw a Nathan's hotdog vendor and decided to buy some lunch and something for later on the train.. A New York hotdog, chicken tenders and fries. I sat on the Farley Post Office stairs to eat and soak up the sights and sounds of New York City. Time passed quickly and I was ready at the escalator when Track 13 was assigned. I followed the crowd and was directed to the far end of the Silver Meteor number 97 train to Florida. Compared to other train attendants, Christopher was really intense. "Families and people traveling together board first," he would chant here in New York and at each stop. "Hurry up or you won't be able to sit together," he would snap at people just arriving to the open train car. When it was my turn to board, I headed towards the back of the car. David and I were in the same coach car, but he was sitting a few rows behind me on the other side of the aisle. Christopher made several passes through our car after leaving New York. It was like he was trying to memorize where each person sat and their destination station. I wouldn't know of David's existence until we stopped for a crew change in Washington DC. "We have about an hour folks," Christopher informed us as we got off the train. I noticed David walking back and forth near the train car, waiting for the 'all aboard' from the conductor. I was doing the same. It was a long break and quite a few people came off the train just to smoke, stretch, or get something quick to eat. It was probably twenty minutes into the break when I asked David how he was doing and where he was going. He told me he was getting off the train at the Jacksonville station, but was headed to Panama City Beach, which was an additional 5 hour drive. We had only talked for a few minutes on the platform, but the connection was undeniable. I was really enjoying our conversation and the laughter! Suddenly, Christopher put the steps up on the train car and closed the door much to everyone's surprise! Christopher pointed to the opened door on the other coach car. Everyone started boarding thinking it was time to go. Once onboard, I heard someone mention we still had more than thirty minutes to wait. I went over to where David was sitting, and asked if he minded if I sat with him when it was time to leave. He agreed and we both went off the train again. I would learn that on a previous trip, David went to the vending machine in Florence SC, and the train pulled away without him! Not only did it delay his trip by a day, but the train station closed forcing him to walk around a strange town at night! He had to buy another ticket to get back to New York! We found Christopher, and I asked if I could switch seats. I would give up my window seat to sit with David. Christopher took his trusty pencil eraser and swapped my seat over. The stop lasted longer than expected due to a mechanical issue with one of the cars. David and I had a connection, and although I tried really hard not to give him my life history—it happened over time. After an additional 30 minute delay, the train was moving down the tracks once again. I was now sitting with David, and our conversation was fun. He was several years younger than me, but I look and act several years younger than my age. Before too long, he was reading my post, " Who She Is: A Dating Profile " at my suggestion. I am not able to repeat what he said after he read it, but it made me smile. We cuddled, chatted, and tried to sleep, but things got a bit heated, at times. I resisted as much as I could, but in my defense, he was irresistible. I think God would still approve of my behavior. When we arrived in Jacksonville, his ride was there waiting. With a quick hug goodbye, he said he would reach out through my blog. My stop was just over two hours away. During this time, I had a new seatmate. Her name was Farrah, a retired Dade County deputy who served her county for 32 years. She had been visiting her daughter and was headed home to South Florida. She also has a son, but he is in Maryland. She talked about having a close circle of friends and her church where she lived. I have looked into some churches in my area, but none have felt right for me, yet. Across the aisle was a lovely lady named Barbara Ann who lives not far from my Uncle and cousin in South Florida. She doesn't text or get on the computer, but I gave her my card because it has my home number on it. We talked a bit on the platform at the Jacksonville station, and Barbara was looking forward to a new seatmate, as her previous seatmate didn't say a word to her until she was at her station! Barbara was sitting with Skylar. I overheard Skylar talking about girls who are clearly neurodivergent not being diagnosed with Autism, but just called quirky. I interrupted their conversation and gave him my blog card. Skylar said he had Autism, and I think he could really contribute to this blog. When the train arrived in DeLand, I called for an Uber, and met Gladys. She is in school and is pursuing a degree in addiction counseling. In addition to Uber, she has her own transportation service. We exchanged numbers, and I gave her a blog card and a hug when we arrived at my house. I hope they will all visit my blog, and maybe even write a post or two. I am realizing that many people text, but the number on my card is not a mobile number, so text will not go through! I don't know if David will actually call, but I will look forward to it. If he doesn't call, I will still have the memory of a wonderful ending to an amazing train trip. This truly was the trip of a lifetime. Psalm 37:23-24 "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."

To obtain Italian dual citizenship by descent through a grandparent ( jure sanguinis , "by right of blood"), you’ll need to go through a legal recognition process. Italy allows this for many people of Italian descent, but it depends on specific rules. Here's a straightforward breakdown of the steps: Step 1: Determine Your Eligibility You may qualify if: Your Italian grandparent was an Italian citizen at the time of your parent’s birth . Neither your grandparent nor your parent ever renounced their Italian citizenship before  passing it to the next generation. If you’re applying through a maternal line, your mother must have given birth to you after January 1, 1948 (due to an old law that prevented women from passing citizenship before that date). If your grandparent became a U.S. citizen (or citizen of another country) before your parent was born, you may not qualify. Step 2: Gather Required Documents You’ll need official records to prove the Italian bloodline: Your grandparent’s documents: Italian birth certificate ( estratto dell’atto di nascita ) Marriage certificate Naturalization record (or proof they never became a citizen elsewhere) Your parent’s documents: Birth certificate (long form) Marriage certificate Death certificate (if applicable) Your documents: Birth certificate Marriage certificate (if applicable) Photo ID, proof of residency All non-Italian documents must be: Apostilled (official certification for international use) Translated into Italian by a certified translator In some cases, certified copies must be provided Step 3: Get Proof of Non-Naturalization If your grandparent emigrated from Italy, you must show whether they became a citizen of another country and when . For the U.S., this includes: Certificate of Naturalization (if they became a U.S. citizen) No record of naturalization (if they never became a U.S. citizen) from USCIS or the National Archives This step is critical—the timing of naturalization affects eligibility. Step 4: Book an Appointment with Your Italian Consulate Find the Italian consulate that serves your U.S. state or country of residence. Then: Visit their official website Follow the instructions to book a citizenship appointment Some consulates have long waitlists (months or years), so book early! Step 5: Attend Your Appointment Bring all your documents, well-organized and complete. At the appointment: The consulate will review your paperwork If anything is missing or incorrect, they will ask for corrections or additional documents If approved, they’ll forward your application to the Comune (town hall) in Italy Step 6: Wait for Recognition Once the Comune processes your application, you will be recognized as an Italian citizen. You’ll be added to the AIRE registry (registry of Italians abroad) After that, you can apply for your Italian passport Optional (But Common) Legal Route: 1948 Case If you are ineligible due to the maternal line pre-1948, you can still apply through the Italian court system. This requires hiring an Italian lawyer and filing a lawsuit in Rome, but many have succeeded this way. What Is the 1948 Rule? Italian law before 1948 did not allow women to pass on citizenship to their children. So if your Italian citizenship claim goes through a woman (your mother or grandmother) and: She gave birth before January 1, 1948, Then you are not eligible for citizenship recognition through the consulate. This is due to Italy's 1948 Constitution, which updated citizenship rights to be more equal—but the change was not applied retroactively through normal consular processes. Who Does This Affect? You may fall into this category if: Your grandmother was born in Italy, She had your parent (her child)  before  Jan 1, 1948, And your parent then had you. Even if all other conditions are met (e.g., no one renounced citizenship), you would be denied by the consulate because of that pre-1948 maternal link. How Do People Still Get Citizenship in These Cases? Italian courts have consistently ruled that this gender-based restriction is unconstitutional. So if you qualify except  for the 1948 maternal issue, you can file a court case in Italy to get citizenship recognized. This is called a "1948 case", and it's a legal workaround that has become common. How It Works: Hire an Italian attorney who specializes in citizenship cases. The lawyer will file a petition in Rome’s civil court asking the judge to recognize that your citizenship should be granted, even though it comes from a pre-1948 woman. You do not have to go to Italy—your lawyer can represent you. If the court agrees (and it usually does), you are legally recognized as an Italian citizen. After that, you can apply for an Italian passport like anyone else. How Long and How Much? Time: Usually 1 to 2 years from start to finish. Cost: Typically €3,000–€7,000+, depending on the attorney and number of applicants (you can often file as a family group). Summary: If your maternal ancestor gave birth before 1948, you are likely ineligible through the consulate. But you can still win citizenship through a court case in Rome. These cases are now routine, and many people successfully obtain citizenship this way.

When people hear the word 'Resilience', they tend to think of something rigid and unbreakable. When it comes to Mental Resilience, I strongly believe the opposite to be true. Mental Resilience is layered. It's a foundation of bricks that is slowly laid out one by one until eventually you've made a home you feel comfortable in. There's no such thing as instant resilience, only resilience slowly built out of the many things you experience through out life. There is slower and faster ways to build that resilience though. I believe the trick is to be open to the various opportunities and experiences that life offers you. So many people fear new things and change, the unknown. But I am here to tell you that there is only good things in life. It can be hard to understand why setbacks and drama can be good things when they're happening to you, but when you look back in hindsight you will see that you've grown because of those things. Just as metal is beaten into shape, you too are made more resilient by the challenges life presents you. I tell you that if you pray for challenges, you will find them. And with those challenges, you will experience growth unlike any you've seen. You will become like a tall tree that is unyielding even in the fiercest winds. And you will become a place of safety and stability for those who might shelter under the shade of your tree. I ask that you might be an example to those around you. That you show others how to grow and to those that seek it, guide them towards challenges they might face. For all things are good things. And when things become truly difficult, and you feel yourself failing, please ask for help. Pray that someone might be sent to help you. If you feel you need it, do not be ashamed to ask for help. But understand that you will never be given challenges that you can not overcome. And the bigger the challenge, the more opportunity there is to grow. Be proud of your struggling, revel in your setbacks, and praise the opportunity. If you can do this, you will be strong. Strength for others and resilience for yourself.    If you enjoyed this insight from Lis, you can catch them streaming on Twitch! Check out their channel LifeisSacred   for more engaging content.