Likes and Dislikes: Just Finding a Connection

I have always been able to adapt to what someone else is doing, almost without thinking. If they are interested in something, I can easily step into that space with them. That kind of flexibility comes naturally to me, but I have noticed it is not something most people do. Many seem more rooted in their own routines, interests, or preferences. They do not shift as easily, and they do not always understand why I do. For me, it feels normal—like connection matters more than control. I am learning that this kind of adaptability is not as common as I thought. It can make me feel out of place because most people seem to have a strong sense of what they like or do not like—and they often expect others to be the same. Overall, I do not have strong likes or dislikes—television, movies, food, music, sports—I am open to new possibilities! Being highly adaptable, people might see it as indecisiveness, inauthenticity, or even a lack of personality, even though I can be indecisive, that is not what this is about. I notice that others hold tightly to their preferences, while I am more focused on connection or harmony. That difference can leave me feeling misunderstood, or like my way of relating does not quite fit in.

Not everyone knows what they like. That might sound strange, but it is true. Some people grow up without being asked what they want. Others learn to keep quiet to avoid conflict. Some go numb after trauma or heartbreak. And some just feel more interested in what someone else enjoys—especially when that someone means a lot to them.

Sometimes you really do start liking something after you meet a person who lights up when they talk about it. That shared interest might begin as curiosity, but it can turn into something real. You do not have to be just like them to feel connected—but finding common ground can make you feel closer without losing yourself.

You want to feel closer to them.

Liking the same things creates a sense of connection. When you show interest in what they enjoy, it builds a bridge between you and makes it easier to bond.

You enjoy seeing them happy.

Their enthusiasm becomes contagious. Even if something was not interesting to you before, seeing how much joy it brings them can make you curious enough to try it—and sometimes you end up liking it too.

You want to spend more time with them.

If they love hiking, gaming, cooking, or reading sci-fi, and you start doing it too, you naturally create more chances to be around them. It gives you shared activities, which means shared time.

You respect their taste.

When you admire someone, you often trust their opinions. So, if they are passionate about a movie genre, a hobby, or a subject, you might give it a chance because you believe there must be something worthwhile in it.

You want to understand them better.

Their interests might reflect how they think, feel, or see the world. By learning about what they love, you gain insight into who they are. It helps you connect on a deeper level.

You genuinely grow to like the same things.

This is not pretending. Sometimes, just being open-minded and exposed to new things through someone else helps you discover something you never knew you would enjoy.

You feel more included.

If they are talking about things they love, and you are not familiar, it can make you feel left out. Learning about their interests helps you feel involved in their world.

You want to show you care.

Taking the time to learn about and share their interests is a form of affection. It is a way of saying, “What matters to you matters to me.”

You like who you become when you are with them.

Sometimes the things you adopt from someone else lead to personal growth. You may feel more creative, adventurous, or thoughtful. Liking what they like can make you feel like a better version of yourself.

Wanting to share someone's interests can come from a healthy place—connection, curiosity, admiration, or care. You might think you are just being agreeable or open-minded, but there are times when that pattern is rooted in something harder to face—like emotional numbness, people-pleasing, or the effects of past trauma. What looks like flexibility on the surface might actually be a survival strategy you have carried for years.

It can reflect emotional numbness or detachment

Sometimes, not having strong preferences is a symptom of depression, burnout, or trauma. When you are overwhelmed or emotionally shut down, you might lose access to your own desires or feelings. It is not that you do not care—it is that you cannot care right then. This can include not knowing what you like to eat, watch, listen to, or do.

It can be rooted in people-pleasing or fawning

Some people learn—especially from early life experiences or difficult relationships—that their preferences are less important than keeping others comfortable. So you may suppress your likes and dislikes, always deferring to what others want. Over time, you might stop even knowing what you want.

It might be about low curiosity or passivity

In some cases, someone may never have explored their likes or dislikes because they were never encouraged to do so. If no one ever asked you what you liked, or if you were always told what to do, you may have never developed that internal compass. You may live reactively, instead of intentionally.

It can be a sign of extreme flexibility or indifference

Some people genuinely just go along with things and feel okay either way. But even then, most people still have some preferences or interests. If you claim to never care about anything, it can raise a flag that something deeper is going on—whether emotional, psychological, or behavioral.

In relationships, it can create imbalance

If you are with someone who never has opinions or desires of their own, it can feel like everything falls on you. They may say, “Whatever you want,” but over time that can feel like disinterest, disconnection, or emotional laziness. You may start to feel alone, even if they are physically present.

Final thoughts

People influence each other all the time. Attraction and admiration are powerful motivators, and sometimes they unlock parts of you that were just waiting for the right reason to come alive. Not having strong preferences is not a problem if it comes from peace and openness. But if it comes from fear, trauma, or avoidance, then it becomes a barrier to connection and authenticity.

When you are a naturally adaptable person, being with someone who is rigid in their preferences can be exhausting. You might keep offering suggestions, trying to find something you can both enjoy, but everything is met with “no” or “not interested” for one reason or another. It feels like they are not even willing to meet you halfway. You are not asking them to love everything—you just want them to be willing to try.

Philippians 2:4

“Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”