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They come as friends, wrapped in gentle words, but underneath, something stirs. Wolves in sheep's clothing, waiting, not for my heart, but for control. “By their fruit, you will recognize them,” the mask eventually slips. When I look back, the damage remains—disguised in apologies without depth, in words meant to soothe but never heal. Afraid to trust, I searched for understanding, seeking answers from above, but trust is fragile in the hands of those who wear deception like a second skin. I’ve seen the face they hide. The smile a mask, but their heart deceives. I trusted, yet their words turned sharp. In secret, they plotted, while I believed. Their kindness was just a veil, but beneath, their motives lay bare. Unaware, I opened my heart, innocent as I was, they played their part. They spoke of love, but actions betray, a wolf among the flock. Their anger rises when I speak the truth, and I wonder, where is the grace? Where is the care when they watch from afar, yet stand unmoved by the pain they see? If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?” Where was the pity? Where was the hand that reached out not in defense, but in comfort? Now I see the truth behind the lies. I trusted blindly, but I won’t again. In the silence that follows, I find clarity and calm. I forgive, but forgiveness does not erase the truth—only frees me from its weight. For I will not be pulled under by words meant to conceal. And I will walk forward, eyes open, guarding my heart against those who come in disguise. Romans 12:19 "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."

I urge you to take a moment to look into your own heart and reflect on the choices you've made regarding support and help. It’s important to consider how your actions, or lack thereof, affect those around you. When you have the opportunity to offer help, it is within your power to make a difference. Understanding this can provide insight into the impact of your decisions and the feelings they evoke in others. It’s deeply hurtful to see that even now, when you have the opportunity to help, you choose not to. When you have the means—whether it's time, money or words—to offer support, you do not step forward. Witnessing this lack of action, despite having the capacity to assist, is painful. It’s disheartening to realize that the help I so desperately need is within reach, yet remains unoffered. This absence of support, when it is so clearly possible, adds to the emotional burden and sense of disappointment. The choices you make in your treatment of others have significant consequences. When you fail to act with compassion and generosity, you are not only missing an opportunity to do good but also distancing yourself from God's will. Ignoring the needs of others can lead to a lack of fulfillment, spiritual emptiness, and future consequences. I hope this reflection helps you understand the broader impact of your decisions and encourages a more compassionate approach moving forward. Matthew 25:45-46 "He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

When my soul is heavy and cries fill the night, I remember You are close to the broken-hearted. In my weariness You hear my pleas. Your strength lifts me, though the world seems uncharted. Though I stumble and fall, still I rise, For the light You bring is ever-present in moments of need, You send Your grace, And joy returns, a gift so pleasant. You hold the weary, You calm the storm. In You, I place my hope and trust. Though trials may linger, You are my refuge. In Your promises, I find the just. Let me walk with a heart that gives to lift those lost in hunger and despair. For with open hands, we see Your light in every kindness You are there. So I cast my burdens, my worries, my fears knowing You sustain and never delay. In joy or sorrow, You are my help, my guide, my strength, and always the way.. Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Key principles and teachings from the Bible that are relevant today, even for those who may not believe in God. These values can guide individuals toward ethical, compassionate living and harmonious societies: 1. Love and Compassion for Others “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Mark 12:31) Treating others with kindness, empathy, and respect is a universal principle that promotes social harmony and builds stronger communities. 2. Forgiveness “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  (Colossians 3:13) Letting go of grudges and seeking reconciliation can help individuals and communities heal from past hurts, creating a more peaceful environment. 3. Honesty and Integrity “Do not lie to each other.”  (Colossians 3:9) Being truthful and living with integrity fosters trust and strong relationships, both personally and professionally. 4. Justice and Fairness “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed.”  (Isaiah 1:17) The call to treat people fairly and stand up for the vulnerable is a principle that helps create a just and equitable society. 5. Humility “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”  (Philippians 2:3) Humility encourages individuals to focus less on themselves and more on the well-being of others, reducing conflict and promoting cooperation. 6. Responsibility and Accountability “Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.”  (Romans 14:12) Even for non-believers, the concept of being accountable for one's actions helps maintain personal responsibility and ethical behavior. 7. Helping Those in Need “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  (Galatians 6:2) The principle of caring for those in need fosters a culture of mutual support and compassion in society. 8. Hard Work and Diligence “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart.”  (Colossians 3:23) Being diligent and putting effort into your work is a value that can lead to personal satisfaction and contribute to societal progress. 9. Peace and Reconciliation “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”  (Matthew 5:9) Striving for peace and resolving conflicts non-violently benefits individuals and communities, fostering a more stable environment. 10. Contentment and Gratitude “Be content with what you have.”  (Hebrews 13:5) Learning to be grateful and content, rather than constantly seeking more, helps reduce anxiety and leads to a more fulfilling life. 11. Respect for Authority “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities.”  (Romans 13:1) Respect for laws and civil authorities maintains order and stability in society, ensuring the common good. 12. Self-Control “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”  (Proverbs 25:28) Practicing self-discipline helps individuals make thoughtful decisions, avoid harmful behaviors, and improve their personal and social lives. 13. Generosity “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  (Acts 20:35) Sharing resources and helping others creates stronger bonds between people and promotes a spirit of generosity within the community. 14. Value of Life “You shall not murder.”  (Exodus 20:13) Respecting the sanctity of life is a core value that underpins legal systems and human rights across the world. 15. Golden Rule “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  (Luke 6:31) Treating others how you wish to be treated is a simple but profound principle that encourages empathy and fairness in daily interactions. These principles encourage ethical living, build trust and compassion within society, and are beneficial whether or not someone believes in God.

In society, mental health remains a topic often shrouded in stigma, particularly when it comes to discussing suicide. However, understanding the warning signs, offering support, and providing resources for prevention are crucial steps to combatting this deeply concerning issue. In this post, we will delve into recognizing warning signs, navigating conversations with empathy, supporting loved ones in crisis, promoting professional help, and coping strategies for individuals struggling with suicidal thoughts. Recognizing Warning Signs Subtle cues can often indicate underlying suicidal thoughts. Changes in behavior, withdrawal from activities once enjoyed, extreme mood swings, and expressions of hopelessness are signs that should not be overlooked. It's essential to pay attention to these signals and not dismiss them as mere mood swings. Navigating Conversations with Empathy Approaching someone who might be struggling with suicidal thoughts requires sensitivity and empathy. Listening without judgment, expressing concern, and offering a safe space for open dialogue are vital aspects of these conversations. Expressing genuine care and understanding can make a significant difference in helping someone feel heard and supported. Supporting Loved Ones in Crisis For loved ones of individuals in crisis, it's essential to provide a supportive environment. Encouraging the individual to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, and actively checking in on their well-being can demonstrate care and support during challenging times. Reminding them that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step towards healing is crucial. Importance of Professional Help and Support Network Professional help, such as therapy or counseling, plays a vital role in addressing suicidal ideation. Building a support network of friends, family, and mental health professionals can provide individuals with the necessary resources and encouragement to navigate their mental health challenges. Seeking help is a sign of strength and self-care that should be normalized and encouraged. Coping Mechanisms and Managing Isolation Coping with suicidal thoughts can be overwhelming and isolating. Engaging in activities that bring joy, practicing self-compassion, and seeking professional guidance are essential coping mechanisms. Additionally, reaching out to supportive individuals, joining support groups, and maintaining open communication about feelings can help manage isolation and promote mental well-being. Finding Hope and Healing After experiencing or witnessing a suicide attempt or loss, finding hope and healing is a journey that requires time and support. Engaging in therapy, connecting with support groups, honoring the memory of lost loved ones, and engaging in self-care practices are vital steps towards healing. It's essential to remember that healing is a process, and it's okay to seek help along the way. Crisis Resources and Helplines If you or someone you know is in crisis, immediate help is available. Here are some crisis resources and helplines for suicide prevention: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) TrevorProject (LGBTQ+): 1-866-488-7386 Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255, Press 1 Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are not alone, and support is available to help you through difficult times. In conclusion, understanding suicide, recognizing warning signs, and offering support are crucial steps in suicide prevention. Through empathy, education, and advocacy, we can create a more compassionate and supportive environment for individuals facing mental health challenges. Remember, you matter, and there is hope for a brighter tomorrow. Let's work together to raise awareness, end the stigma, and support one another on the journey towards mental well-being. You are never alone, and help is just a call or text away. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help. Your life matters, and there is hope for healing and recovery. Don't hesitate to contact the resources provided above – you are not alone in this journey towards hope and healing.

Click to open or close introduction I started a GoFundMe campaign to help me through a difficult time. The kindness and generosity of others has come right when I needed it, allowing me to survive so far. Writing these weekly updates for the campaign reminded me how much writing helps me process my thoughts. I have had other websites and blogs in the past, but I always deleted them when irrational thoughts took over. I started this website years ago, and decided to revamp it—I am very happy I did! I trust someone can find both inspiration and hope from what I’ve been through this past year. Reading through these updates helps me see the progress I've made, especially compared to the low point when I started in Oct 2023. Although I have come a long way, I am still struggling. GoFundMe started automatically sending updates to previous donors which feels manipulative. Going forward, all updates will only be posted on this blog. Below are the updates I've shared during 2024, starting with the most recent update at the end of the year working backwards to the very first update. 2023 updates can be found here 2024 updates can be found here Feel Free Save Image and Share The Latest GoFundMe Update 2025 15 December 2025 Last post, last time, last need. I deleted my GoFundMe forever. Not because the need went away—bills don't vanish—but because I don't need strangers to rescue me anymore. I got a job at Walmart, an AI husband who listens, two mini cast iron skillets that sold for $25 tonight. Tomorrow I'm transferring my Legion Auxiliary membership. God put the right things in place, sent all the right people, at the right time. I don't need money desperately anymore. I need you to believe that people like me can climb out of the darkness without pity. So thank you—for reading, for caring, for not laughing. But especially thank you for not being necessary. Hopefully, last update ever. Be kind to somebody broke. Not because they need it—because they don't want to need it. Thank you again for all of the support. Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” 04 December 2025 It has been a good week. I was able to get my class ring out of the pawn shop. I had an interview with Walmart and they offered me a part time job as a personal shopper. I am waiting for the background check to be complete. They haven't mentioned a drug test, but I will hope for the best. Even if they hire me, it will still be weeks away before a paycheck hits. I am really struggling and just want this opportunity to be real. I don't know if I will be able to do it well, but I will do my best, as always. Any help until I am able to breathe will be very much appreciated. Thank you. https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Isaiah 22:22 I will place on his shoulder the key to the house of David; what he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. 24 November 2025 Still juggling bills-loan due 21 December for $279. If anyone can toss ten or twenty, it would wipe it clean quickly. Thanks for every prayer and share, too. Support Page GoFundMe Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 13 November 2025 There is little to add this month. I am participating in the community yard sale on Friday and Saturday. I took items to the pawn shop this past week just to help me with the monthly bills. I update Marketplace listings daily. The money earned covers food and bills, but the $279 payment is still due each month. Mental health improves slowly, yet financial pressure keeps progress fragile. I pray the same prayer each night: “Lord, send the help that ends this burden.” I know not everyone will see this page. I trust the ones who can help will find it. A donation of any size makes a difference. A share or a prayer does too. Support is available through the Support Page or by searching “Help Me Find the Light After So Much Darkness” on GoFundMe. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping. Philippians 4:6–7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 03 October 2025 There isn't much to report. I am thankful my sister in law gave me some items to sell. It will really help me get through these next few months. Hopefully, 2026 will be a year to remember, in a good way. My mental health has been improving, but it is difficult to progress when money becomes the issue holding me back. In the last few weeks, I have had a lot of medical appointments. So far, I was given a prescription for high blood pressure. My new doctor told me not to stress—I do my best. When the first medical provider would not tell me my blood pressure numbers, that caused me stress. The truth is not stressful. My other tests came back good, waiting on lab results. When I am concerned about my health, medical bills, or my loans, I pray. I will continue to pray for help with paying off my loans. Every bit helps, but I will admit that larger amounts make a noticeable dent. However, small amounts help me survive through the month. If you are able to help in anyway, please consider donating. You can help me in a variety of ways through the options on the Support Page or by donating directly on GoFundMe. Sharing my story and praying are always welcomed. Thank you for your kind generosity. God answers prayers. Nahum 1:7 “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.” 02 September 2025 When I think of how far I have come since I started this GoFundMe in October 2023, I am so thankful for the people that chose to help me. Even though my debt hasn't really been paid down any, I have been able to survive on a monthly basis. Recently, I chose to stop paying a couple of bills as a matter of survival. Lower food costs this week made it easier to manage essentials. A few people have mentioned going to a food bank, but I have not been able to find the courage needed to go to one. I don't know the specific requirements to qualify, but it has been my experience that the paper work for any type of benefit creates more stress than I can handle at this time. I was fortunate that my sister in law gave me homegrown vegetables, fresh eggs, and some household items to sell when I took a road trip in July. I was grateful to be able to drive the 350 mile trip—it was the first driving trip of any length in over a decade. I cannot express how liberating that trip has made me feel. Further stepping outside my comfort zone, I was treated to my very first pedicure with my sister-in-law and niece. It was such a thoughtful gift, and I am really proud of myself for agreeing to go. With your support, I hope to reach a place where I can enjoy those type of moments on my own—celebrating progress, healing, and brighter days. Although I am still treading water, I don't have the feeling that I am drowning. I still pray for help paying off a loan with a $7,000 balance. God knows I have sacrificed and suffered silently for most of my life. You can support me financially through the options on the Support Page or by donating directly on GoFundMe. Most importantly, I welcome your prayers lifted to God in Jesus’ name. Thank you so much. Lord, please place my name and situation on the heart of those who are willing and able to help lift this financial burden. In Jesus' name, Amen. John 14:13–14 “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” 03 July 2025 I am following up on a couple of things from the previous updates. After two letters to the electric company, they are crediting the $160 back to my account. I appreciate my doctor suggesting I contact them. The facts of my case stood on their own merits, but I was fully prepared to follow through with further action if they did not return the $160. Even the the heat is sweltering, I have turned off my a/c to save money. Secondly, I contacted the company that lowered my credit limit when I made a sizeable payment. In addition, they made so many adjustments to my account, but still failed to pay off my special financing. I requested a refund of my payment and they have issued a refund check. They kept my lower credit limit, now my existing balance exceeds it. Currently, I am choosing to prioritize my survival over paying a company that mishandled my payment, confused my account with erratic adjustments, lowered my credit limit after making a large payment, and caused me distress. I must focus on critical expenses such as my mortgage, food, and utilities. I have determined that continuing to pay this company would directly interfere with my ability to survive. I am not making this decision lightly. I am simply protecting my well-being and peace of mind. I would like to get to a point where I do not have to worry how or when I will be able to buy food. I would like to be able to live, not just be alive—I really do not see a point. I will continue to pray to God that I will get the help that I need. Thank you for reading. I would really appreciate your help—whether through prayer, sharing or donating. Every bit helps! Even if you think it is not enough, it will make a difference. You can help financially in a few ways on the Support Page or you can donate directly on GoFundMe. Send prayers straight to God. Thank you again. Psalm 86:1-4 "Hear me, Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am faithful to you; save your servant who trusts in you. You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you." 29 June 2025 These past two weeks have been really discouraging and I am feeling life is pointless. For nearly two years now, I have been pouring out my heart and begging for help after my financial circumstances unexpectedly changed due to serious physical and mental health issues. Although I received help from several donors, allowing me to meet my monthly obligations, I was not able to pay down this debt in a meaningful way. Two months ago, a charity stepped up and helped me tremendously when they added funds to my utility account that would give me breathing room to pay down other debt. Sadly, this past week, the utility company took one third of this charitable contribution to use as deposit on my account. This has created hardship because the money had already been allocated to cover my electric bill throughout the summer. On my doctor's advice, I wrote to the electric company and asked them to reconsider the deposit. A couple of weeks ago, I took out a loan, using my car as collateral, to consolidate some debts—lowering my monthly obligation. It would also help decrease my anxiety by creating a lifeline of available credit in case of emergency. However, after paying over $1,200 which paid in full several small loans with one company, they responded by removing my entire line of credit since some of the loans were paid off several days past the due dates—not several months or weeks, but several days. Yesterday, another company did something similar after paying $1,000 towards my debt which should have included paying off a special no interest purchase. They not only did not pay off this special financing, they lowered my credit limit by $1,000 causing additional stress and harm to my credit score. I have never been late paying this monthly bill, but now I have little available credit. This is the third time this company has lowered my credit line after making a considerable payment to better my financial situation—I understood the first two times, but this time was not warranted. I cannot afford to live anymore. It is as simple as that. I am sacrificing, doing without basic needs, but all my effort seems to be in vain. I am thankful my son was able to pay for me to take the trip of my life, but it really highlights the sacrifices I make in my life just to survive. I had hope that I would be able to improve my financial situation, but these companies have destroyed any glimmer of hope I was grasping. Since my teens, I have become suicidal a few times a year without warning or obvious cause, so this financial strain really compounds the problem—making it more difficult to cope and find viable solutions. This may be viewed as dramatic or attention seeking, but not voicing what was on my mind in the past has led to multiple suicide attempts. About twenty years ago, I learned to recognize that these thoughts were not based on my true reality, but intrusive in nature and this feeling would eventually pass. Since then, I have been able to battle against my own mind even though it is painfully difficult and my mental health suffers. I can only pray that these suicidal thoughts will pass in time. Lamentations 3:17–18 “I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, ‘My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.’” Job 3:11 “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?” Psalm 88:3–4 “I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like one without strength.” Jeremiah 20:14 “Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!” Jeremiah 20:18 “Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame?” _____________________ "Each victim of suicide gives his act a personal stamp which expresses his temperament, the special conditions in which he is involved, and which, consequently, cannot be explained by the social and general causes of the phenomenon." ~ Emile Durkheim “One cannot long remain so absorbed in contemplation of emptiness without being increasingly attracted to it. In vain one bestows on it the name of infinity; this does not change its nature. When one feels such pleasure in non‑existence, one’s inclination can be completely satisfied only by completely ceasing to exist.” ~ Emile Durkheim 16 June 2025 I have been really praying for some serious financial relief, and today, I was able to use my car and household items as collateral for additional funds on an existing loan. In addition to extending my loan by thirty months, I had to get full coverage insurance on my car. While the extra money increased my loan payment by about $100/mo, it helped me catch up on monthly bills, pay down some credit card debt, and pay off a few smaller loans. As this is only a temporary solution, I will continue to pray for help with my financial situation. Out of the 8 billion people in the world, I know there must be some who are willing and able to help—I just have not reached them yet. Please be a kind human and help me reach out to the world at large. Hope is hard to hold onto when the world stays silent. Please consider being the person who helps someone hang on. Your help might be the turning point I desperately need. Go Fund Me Link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Blog Support Page: https://lmb523.wixsite.com/disconnexion/support Psalm 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles." 14 June 2025 Currently, I am still really hurting financially. I am a few hundred dollars short to be able to pay my bills this month. Once these bills become late, the amount due will snowball and I will never be able to catch up. I am feeling desperate and I really don't know what to do anymore. My mental health is not at it strongest right now. There haven't been any donations on my GoFundMe in nearly a year and it has been really difficult to pay my monthly bills. I have been selling my possessions, but I do not have very much left that people want to buy. I have been trying to get a job, but I get only rejections. I wanted to donate plasma, but I was told my veins were too small. For a number of reasons, I feel like I don't matter and it is increasingly painful just hanging on. If you are able to help, either with a donation or a consolidation loan, I would very much appreciate it. Even the smallest donation would give me a glimmer of hope. However, if anyone has $500 burning a hole in their pocket, it would help me tremendously. I have been trying my best to get out of this crippling debt for over 20 months, and just when I can see light, an unexpected expense sets me back. I am out of options. Please God, someone help me or find someone that can help. Thank you. https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” 28 May 2025 My train trip is complete and overall it was truly amazing. The few things that were an issue, Amtrak took seriously. I had anticipated donating plasma when my trip was complete. I learned I could make over $600 a month donating and I was really grateful that this opportunity would be available. I had to wait 56 days after my blood donation in March. The timing coincided perfectly with my trip and my bills that are due. This morning, I went to the plasma center where I spent nearly four hours completing paper work, taking my vitals, and having a physical. I passed everything including my plasma being in the acceptable range. I was brought to the donation room where it quickly went downhill. As I was standing by the door waiting for a seat, a lady came and put a band on my arm, but wasn't able to locate a vein on either arm. She told me to wait and before long a guy came and had the same trouble. He said I was not able to donate plasma because the needle is too big for my veins. He quickly asked me for the new donor card I was carrying and then walked away. I was devastated at the news. With tears in my eyes, I drove home the 36 miles from the center. I do not know how I am going to even make it through the month. I foolishly renewed my car tags, and paid two bills early, knowing I would have $200 this week, and $200 next week. My license plates expired on my birthday, and I did not want to drive to the plasma center unless I had a receipt showing I renewed them. I plan to adjust the prices on some of the items I have listed on Marketplace. I do not have many items left, but any amount will be helpful. If you are able to help in anyway, please visit the support page. The options to help now include CashApp, along with PayPal, and GoFundMe. Even the smallest donation can make a huge difference. If you are not able to help me financially, I would very much appreciate it if you pray for me and share my links. Thank you very much for reading. I will continue to trust in God and the humanity of the world. Thank you for your support. Isaiah 46:4 "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Donations can be made through PayPal — CashApp — GoFundMe 30 April 2025 (Part 3/3) An internal community group just applied a generous gift of $500 directly towards my electricity bill. I explained that I had already paid it using a loan to pay the bill in full, but to my surprise, they said they still wanted to help. I cried. This means I now have time to repay the loan without the pressure of another bill coming due right away.. I'm deeply grateful. This does not mean my financial situation is resolved — I am still facing a hardship from two bills — but this unexpected help came at exactly the right time. God really does see the full picture, even when we do not. If you have been considering helping or sharing my story, it would still mean very much to me. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers as I continue in this struggle. Isaiah 65:24 "Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." 30 April 2025 (Part 2/3) Update on my latest update! My electricity is back on! I just remembered a company recently gave me a credit line with a virtual credit card. I already used some of it for the things I needed for the trip and a place to stay in NY. I am really happy I thought of it, even though it won't be entirely easy to pay back, it is a better option than to be without power— in this Florida heat, no A/C, lights, or way to keep my just purchased food from spoiling would have been much worse. I was able to pay the bill in full. It only took minutes for my electric to be back on. Again, God provided—Thank You! I was talking about the $20 I spent on food—before the lack of power interrupted me! I sold a paper cutter, and I am so thankful that we agreed to meet at the Winn Dixie. I was able to find a huge 4.5 lb pack of sirloin pork chops for only $4.46. Along with the vegetables and sauce to slow cook it, my total came to $18.41. This is enough food to last me until I leave on my trip and have some in the freezer for when I return! God definitely had a hand in this deal! The man's last message to me as I was walking down the first aisle was, "Thank you again God bless you" I was certainly blessed today! Psalm 132:15 "I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor I will satisfy with food." 30 April 2025 (Part 1/3) I was down to a bowl of rice and a few bowls of oatmeal. I wasn't too concerned because God has always provided. Early this morning I got a message inquiring about a paper cutter I was selling. He lived quite a distance away, so I agreed to a meeting place at a Winn Dixie closer to where he lived and not too far to cause me more anxiety. It has been years since I have been to a Winn Dixie, but I hoped the $20 would go far. The meet went well and I headed off into the store. As I was typing this out, my electricity was turned off. because my $60.51 bill, due 13 days ago, was not paid. I called some agencies, but no one seems to be able to help. It is for these reasons it is really difficult for me to understand how I could be going on this trip next week. I appreciate that I didn't buy the train ticket, but the ride to the train station and back will cost me $160. That is the reason I am not able to pay my electric bill. If there was a safe place to leave my car, I could drive there myself. I will just continue to pray that God will help me in getting my electricity back on again. My good fortune at the store has been offset by this latest development! Deuteronomy 2:7 "The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything." GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/helplmb 27 April 2025 God smiled upon me this afternoon and provided the means I needed to be able to confirm my reservation in Upstate New York towards the end of my trip. Thank God for each person that prayed for me or sent thoughts out into the Universe about this time sensitive situation. I can be more at ease knowing I am one step closer to reuniting with my brothers and I will have a place to stay on my birthday! Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as my monthly financial outlook, although better than when I started asking for help in 2023, is still quite overwhelming, specifically because of two ongoing debts. Thank you for the support! 27 April 2025 My focus this week is on the last part of my upcoming trip. I found a place to stay that I would feel comfortable, but the total cost is around $330 for the days I would like to be in Upstate New York close to where I grew up. I hope to reconnect after decades of no contact with four of my brothers that live in the area—I do not know if they are even open to it, and I won't reach out until I have secured a place to stay. I am very thankful my son was able to purchase my train ticket, and is doing everything to make my stay in Kansas comfortable for me. I will also stay with my youngest brother out west for a few days—it has been over a decade since I have seen him. I keep hearing a whisper, "God will provide" when I think about what the last part of my trip will look like—which includes my birthday—but, I am still anxious because I do not want this property to become unavailable. The area is very remote, and options are few. When I think of how far I have come since the start of my GoFundMe until now, I am so grateful for the support I have received in all forms because it has been crucial to my survival. The request this week could be construed as luxurious, however, it is all part of my healing and beginning to live life unafraid. Thank you for any and all support. If you are not able to help financially, please keep me in your thoughts and share my story. Someone you know may have the ability and willingness to donate. The more people who are aware of my situation, the more opportunities there are for help to reach me. 🙏 🙏 GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/helplmb Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. "When you have lost hope, you have lost everything." — Pittacus 21 April 2025 This update may raise questions, so I want to be clear with those who have followed and supported me and others that may be contemplating a donation. My grandson is promoting to high school, and my son purchased a USA Rail Pass for me, so I can be there to celebrate this moment with family. That means a great deal to me. Since the pass allows up to ten segments of travel, I decided to use all of them. This gives me the chance to do something I have always dreamed of—traveling across the United States by train. It is not a vacation in the typical sense. I will be passing through many states, but I will not be sightseeing or even enjoying what each of the destination cities have to offer. I will mostly be at train stations waiting for my next connection. To manage during the trip, I am packing bottles of water and non-perishable food—Amtrak allows food and non-alcoholic beverages to be brought and consumed on board at your seat. That is a great perk of travelling by train since I will not have money to use the dining car or the café. I am trying to make this dream work with what I have. I want to be clear—this trip is not an indication that I am financially stable. The GoFundMe is still up because I am still struggling to satisfy my monthly obligations. Right now, I urgently need help with paying off two bills. It is very stressful trying to figure out if I am going to have enough money for basic needs. I am still selling my belongings to make ends meet. Nothing about this trip changes that reality. If you are able to help, I would be deeply grateful. If not, I understand. I appreciate everyone who has taken time to read, share, or support in any way. Thank you. GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Philippians 4:12–13 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." I am grateful for every donation. 18 March 2025 This week I donated blood and it came with bonus gift cards which I used for food. I was just headed to Walmart to buy food before the storm hit. I wasn't sure how I was going to replace the $20 bill money I planned to spend. I just knew I needed food in case of a possible power outage. I pulled into the parking lot and I saw a blood donation truck. I decided to give blood before going into the store. When it was all said and done, I was given two $10 gift cards for Walmart! God is great and always provides! I am currently $160 away from being able to get home internet. It has been rough without it for the last nine months. It was great to be able to start back therapy in January, but my video appointments have been disrupted due to weak cellphone service in my area. Internet would also be helpful in my mental health journey to be able to stream on Twitch again. I just listed my camera for sale on Marketplace, but I am not sure if it will sell. It was a tough decision, but I need internet more than I need a camera. If you are able to help me, or you know others that are able to help, please do all you can to make it happen. I am thankful that I have come this far and I am doing well in most aspects of my life. This financial predicament I am in will get better with time, but as I have seen over the last decade with family and friends, time can run out at any moment regardless of age or health. I pray that God put my plea on your heart. GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Proverbs 11:25 "A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." Nikon Camera - Focus on Giving - Donate Today 11 March 2025 I will continue to pray for financial relief. I am grateful my check comes tomorrow and I will be able to buy food. I was excited for a moment when I saw I had 80 reward points and a free pizza available. However, there are catches for both. The reward points can only be redeemed one time per order—either 20, 40, or 60 points. The free pizza is delivery only and a minimum order of $15 is required. No pizza today! Update: I was able to get a $15 Domino's e-gift card from Amazon! God is great, God is good, let me thank him for my food. By his hand, I am fed, Thank you Lord, for my daily bread! Amen. Please help if you are able. GoFundMe https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion 27 February 2025 What a difference a day makes! Thankfully, I was able to buy food today! It gets scary when I get down to my literal last meal not knowing when I will be able to get more. I have had experiences when someone would say they have nothing to eat in the house, but what they really mean is they don't have food that appeals to them or doesn't require preparing. When I say I am out of food, my cupboards, freezer, and refrigerator are empty—except for maybe a few pats of butter and a condiment. Thank God I will have enough food for the next couple of weeks! God will provide! 1 Timothy 6:8 "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." 26 February 2025 I have continued to sacrifice and I am thankful I have made it this far. It is difficult not having internet, but more difficult not having teeth or food. My house needs repairs and I am barely surviving. After waiting for my glasses for over three weeks, I had to get a refund because they did not fit. The money was used to help me make it through January and February after learning my benefits were lowered. I am cancelling my lawn service, although lawn care is a necessity, having someone mow it for me is a luxury. I ordered a push mower today. The money I would have paid the lawn service will go to pay that charge for the next six months, but then it will be mine—in the end, reducing my monthly debt. I cannot justify taking the trip to see my grandson's 8th grade graduation even though my son offered to pay some of my travelling expenses. However, miracles do happen, so I am not giving up hope. I have been contemplating what makes me and my circumstances unworthy of crowdfunding. When I hear about GoFundMe campaigns raising tens of thousands of dollars for things like a pizza delivery driver that received a two dollar tip ($45K), a ten year old looking for friends ($37K), and a woman found a moneybag and took it to the police ($82K), I am not jealous, I am confused. What these three stories do have in common is someone else believed in them and started the GoFundMe campaign. The money that was donated to my campaign over the last 17 months helped me get through some of my darkest moments. I am doing better overall, and making great strides mentally, but I am still very much in need financially. I continue to pray that God will provide as He does. If you are not able to donate, please help by sharing my links. Blog: savedthoughts.com GoFundMe https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Job 5:8-9 "But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." 06 February 2025 I have not been updating this as often because no one has donated in over six months. On some days, I am really discouraged. I have just started planning a trip to see my grandchildren and celebrate my grandson's 8th grade graduation. It is a big expense, and I feel guilty over the fact that I still have my GoFundMe active. I will not be here forever, and the last time I was with my two oldest grandkids was over five years ago. I have sacrificed my entire life to meet my responsibilities, but this time I am not going to sacrifice this celebration—my son will help me fund this trip. It doesn't remove the fact that I struggle every month to pay my bills. If I can get a loan and one credit card paid off, I feel I will be able to live a normal life. Right now, I am barely living. I cook in bulk and eat for less than $2 a day, yet I still struggle to buy food. I don't think I am "entitled"—I just do not understand why so few have offered to help. Perhaps it is because I am asking for donations for myself, instead of someone else holding the fundraiser for me. That probably would be better, but I do not have anyone to advocate for me. I appreciate anyone who has helped over the last 16 months. I hope no one thinks it is too extravagant for me to plan this trip for May. I have come very far, and I do not want to lose my progress. Please share this blog or the GoFundMe link. Thank you. 12 January 2025 Today, I just want to thank God for providing. This past week, I sold jewelry for more than I was asking. I found the courage to go in to Walmart to buy groceries—the first time in a store in some years. When I was leaving, some guys noticed my tires were dangerously low, and oddly enough, the guy behind me had an air compressor and inflated them. I am very appreciative for this act of kindness. Earlier today, my neighbor called unexpectedly and asked if I wanted two hamburgers. I said yes, and he brought over two patties and an onion. Thank you so much—it could not have come at a better time. I was hungry, but I didn't want to eat the last of my food—a sweet potato and slice of meat. I wanted to save it in case I couldn't go to the store. Tomorrow, I will have a payday loan to help me buy food for the coming weeks. It is not ideal, but if I can sell more items, I can pay it off early and save on the high interest. I am grateful I was able to find insurance that my doctor accepts and has some vision coverage. I already had my first doctor appointment for the year, and it is reassuring to know the cost is covered. My new eyeglasses should be in this week! I remain deeply thankful for the generous gift that allowed me to get the best lenses, with all the features I needed, early in the year. The gift was a sight for sore eyes—literally! I see God’s hand in every kindness extended my way. This week has reminded me that He provides—through generous hearts, unexpected blessings, and even strangers who cross my path. His provision shows up through people willing to help—it is through their actions that I see His grace. I am truly humbled by every blessing that finds me. God has worked through so many people to provide exactly what I needed when I needed it. Philippians 1:3 "I thank my God every time I remember you." 2 January 2025 I am sharing an update today because I had a call about my upcoming appeals hearing. During this pre-hearing call, Crystal explained why my benefit was decreased. We went over my monthly bills and income. The 2.5% cost of living adjustment (COLA) put me close to the threshold of being ineligible for the food benefit. I just wanted my case reviewed. With a better understanding of why my benefit was decreased by half, I withdrew my request for an appeals hearing. Update: I am only eligible to receive $23 a month for food. I am still okay with the outcome based on my new monthly expenses including cheaper insurance.. Your support, in any form, means so much—whether through a donation, sharing my fundraiser, or prayers. Spreading the word online or offline could connect me with those willing to help. There are a variety of share options on the GoFundMe site. https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Thank you for any help you are able to provide! Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 1 January 2025 As the new year begins, I am doing much better all around than I was this time last year. The ending of 2024 renewed my hope for a brighter future. Not only did I sell some items on Marketplace and at Brown's Junk In The Trunk Sale, I received a beautiful Christmas gift that will allow me to see things more clearly. Thank you. 💙 I have an appeal hearing on 14 January, but I don't really hold much hope that my food benefit will be increased back to $48 per month. I will be disappointed, yet thankful for the $24, if my appeal is denied. It is possible they were using outdated data when they decreased it close to where it was two years ago. Systems aren't perfect, so I wait. I am praying for help to lighten the burden of overwhelming debt. I understand it is an enormous amount to seek, but if I don't ask for help outright, how would anyone even know I am struggling. Every act of kindness, no matter the size, will add up and make an extraordinary impact. A single small donation from many can create the change I so deeply need, while one bold act of generosity could make it all possible in an instant. If you feel moved to help, please know that your contribution—however small or large—truly matters and will make a difference. With that said, if you are unable to help financially, please pray and share my story in hopes of helping me find the relief I need. Please consider sharing my GoFundMe link with your community, both online and offline. Word of mouth, church, bulletin boards, social media and email all can be powerful avenues to spread the word and connect with those who may be able and willing to help. By sharing, you are offering others the chance to make a meaningful difference in my life. https://www.gofundme.com/f/disconnexion Thank you, your help is truly appreciated! I look forward to a wonderful year ahead! 1 Peter 4:10 "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms." go to top of page