In this post, I want to explore a thought experiment—a fictional dialogue between my former fiancé and God. Maybe it is my attempt to understand by imagining this conversation that touches on the complexities of love, fear, and choices. It is a way to reflect on the questions and feelings that have lingered long after we parted ways. This conversation from my perspective only, although hypothetical, might offer a glimpse into the deeper truths of what happened between us. I cannot say for certain what would be said in such a moment, but I imagine it could go something like this.
God: "You are standing before Me now, and I have a question. Why did you break up with the woman I handpicked for you?"
Him: "I thought it was the best decision at the time."
God: "Best for whom? For her? For you? For My plan?"
Him: "I was scared. I was not sure if I could handle the responsibility."
God: "Did she ever ask you for more than you could give?"
Him: "It felt like she wanted all of my time, even when I was tired."
God: "Did you ever stop to consider love is about showing up, even when you're tired."
Him: "No… but I felt like I was stretched thin and would eventually let her down."
God: "Did you tell her how you felt, or did you shut down when the pressure built?"
Him: "I didn't always tell her. I didn't want to burden her with my own struggles."
God: "But did you consider that she might have been walking through her own battles?"
Him: "I know. But it was hard to see past my own frustrations sometimes."
God: "So instead of trying, you left? You feared failure more than you valued what I gave you? Everything that happened in your life led up to being with her"
Him: "I did not want to hurt her."
God: "And yet, you did."
Him: "I thought she would be better off without me."
God: "Did I tell you that? Or did you decide that on your own?"
Him: "I just… I was overwhelmed. Love is complicated."
God: "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not walk away out of fear."
Him: "But what if we were not meant to be?"
God: "And yet, I brought her into your life, connected your hearts, and showed you her love. Do you think I make mistakes?"
Him: "No… but people do."
God: "Yes. And one of you made a mistake."
Him: "I thought if it was truly meant to be, it would have worked out no matter what."
God: "No. Love requires action, not just fate. I gave you free will. You chose to leave."
Him: "What if I was not ready?"
God: "Then why did I bring her to you? Why did you love her? Why did you feel comfortable in her presence, until you let doubt take over?"
Him: "We bickered all the time. We fought over things that should not have mattered."
God: "And yet, you stayed. You loved her through it, until you chose not to."
Him: "It wore me down. I did not know how to handle it anymore."
God: "Did you ever ask Me for strength? Did you ever ask Me to help you understand her? Did you ever ask Me for guidance on how to help her, to be there for her?"
Him: "I thought I could figure it out on my own. Sometimes it felt like I was confronting something unexpected, like I had to be extra careful with everything I said or did. It felt like I was always walking on eggshells. She has anxiety and other mental problems."
God: "I know what she has—I made her! I gave her strength, intelligence, and a heart that loves deeply. I also gave her challenges, but none of them were a mistake."
Him: "She was always questioning everything—why I did things, what I meant, what I was thinking. It felt like she was doubting me all the time."
God: "She was not doubting you. She was trying to understand. That is how I made her—to seek, to learn, to know."
Him: "I... I thought I could handle it. I thought I could be there for her. But sometimes, it felt like I just couldn’t keep up with all her questions, her need for reassurance. I tried, but there were times when it felt like I was constantly on edge."
God: "And yet, she was always honest with you. She never hid who she was. She told you from the beginning that she had challenges. Do you know what that means?"
Him: "That she trusted me to accept her as she is."
God: "And instead of honoring that trust, you walked away from it."
Him: "I needed to walk away to find peace."
God: "I gave you a woman who loved you completely. She was patient, loyal, and devoted to you. She prayed for you. She never gave up on you. She loved you despite everything. And now, here you stand, with all the reasons you left—but not one that justifies walking away from what I gave you."
(Silence.)
God: "The road you traveled was not without difficulty, but it is not too late to seek understanding. I gave you strength to endure, and love to sustain you. But love requires you to lean on each other, and ask for help when you need it."
There you go—just a hypothetical conversation with God. Who knows what will really happen, but it is interesting to think about and mind blowing to imagine. The moral of this whole conversation is life, love, and all the complications in between do not come with easy answers. I hope I painted him in a good light—a man that tried his best to love a complex woman. If he ever reads this, I would like to think he would have the same sentiment reading this as I found in writing it. Love is not perfect—Lord knows I am not.
Here are Bible verses about telling God everything and being judged by Him:
Ecclesiastes 12:14 – "For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."
Romans 14:12 – "So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God."
2 Corinthians 5:10 – "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."
Matthew 12:36 – "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken."
Hebrews 4:13 – "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."
1 Peter 4:5 – "But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead."
Revelation 20:12 – "And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books."
Luke 12:2-3 – "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs."
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