the parking lot is full again—I have a favorite aisle
people everywhere moving fast and slow and sideways
I park far away to avoid congestion, but it rarely helps
I walk the path from my car to the entrance
a car speeds through the crosswalk, I take a deep breath
inside the doors it begins, my mind trying to stay oriented
I stop at the carts, all lined up like soldiers ready for battle
grabbing one, I tell my self I can do it, and head into the store
people talking, loud beeps, carts wobbling across the floor
all blending into a loud hum that does not stop
no clear path, only endless aisles of too many choices
everything pulls my focus—labels, colors, signs, voices
I make it to the first display, verbalizing the items I need
a list exists, but only as fragmented thoughts in my mind
I try to keep a running total, but my brain will not stay on task
too many people, too close, but I smile at everyone I see
walking past, standing still, reaching for things
someone bumps into me without noticing, I say sorry
I freeze for a moment then keep walking, then I stop
having to re-walk the path mentally for what I need next
the overhead speaker comes on, I cannot understand a word
a child screams from another aisle, shoppers are scurrying
someone laughs nearby and it echoes too loud in my head
I see mustard splattered on Aisle 10A, no workers in sight
I pass by aisles that look over-filled with people and carts
I grab the familiar things first, the ones I do not have to think about
the ones I know where they are—fruits, vegetables, meat
everything else is a blur of second guesses, do I need it, do I not
am I finding all the ingredients to make complete meals
will I finish this without falling apart—I reaffirm I can do it
the checkout lines stretch long—self checkout, not interested
I pick the shortest line, but it still feels endless, I don't mind
I wait for the conveyor belt to be clear before adding my items
the cashier barely speaks, and I barely register the words
I give them encouragement, thankful to be in the store
bags in hand, cart put away, I step outside and breathe
the air feels brisk, but at least it is quieter than inside
I follow the same path, through the crosswalk, back to my car
sitting for a minute with the door shut, I am relieved
I tell myself some encouraging words—before driving away
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
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