In this fourth part, I am continuing my journey down memory lane! We are making a move from Mississippi to Tennessee. Sometimes I go off on a tangent, almost like following a rabbit down a hole. Other times, I just get sidetracked by how much my kids and I have been through and I lose focus on the topic—neighbors. I get overwhelmed with emotion when I think back to this chapter in my life and I am thankful for the people that were there, even if it was for a brief moment in time. Let's get on the road! It's time for this was just passing through Mississippi Girl to Waltz into Tennessee with my family now including three boys. A new job opportunity for my husband was taking us 400 miles northeast to Tennessee. The house sold quickly, and before we knew it, our life was packed up and loaded onto a truck. We set off for a new state, with new neighbors, ready to start the next chapter as a Volunteer. In this post, there will be a lot of overlap, and back and forth with time, over a period of 13 years, as I introduce some of the people that had an impact on my life at the first two addresses I lived at in Tennessee. Moving to a town that was steadily growing, but still maintained its small-town charm seemed like a good option. It had a mix of older neighborhoods and newer areas, with a university at its center, bringing a youthful energy and a diverse mix of people. Though the big city wasn’t far, life here was quieter, and it felt like a place where everyone knew each other. Back in 1992, new businesses and developments were just starting to spring up, but it still had that slower, close-knit atmosphere. I don't know if we stayed at a hotel, or when exactly we moved into this new neighborhood. We had a rental for a year, and I remember it was a nice subdivision with community events. The guy next to us had an immaculate yard—a beautiful lush, green lawn. I am having trouble recalling details, but I don't think I participated in the community gatherings. I have a vision in my head of being in a woman's kitchen—the blue and white diamond-patterned glossy tiled floor shimmering in the sunlight—everything in its proper place. I remember bowling, and being asked to become a certified youth coach—which I accepted and completed. I don't recall much else. After leaving the rental when the lease was up, we bought a house in a welcoming suburban community that boasted of two bowling alleys, a skating rink, and an amusement park! This town was made up of mostly older neighborhoods, providing a friendly atmosphere where families connected easily. While close to a busy city, it offered a relaxed atmosphere and a sense of belonging, making it the perfect place to start another chapter in our lives. During my twelve years at this address, I met a lot of people both personally and professionally. Shortly after moving in, there was a major ice storm and all the huge trees surrounding our house became scary and dangerous. When the time was right, I called a tree service, and although it got off to a rocky start, he agreed to take down a few trees on a payment plan which I later learned was not the norm. We immediately hit it off and a couple of years down the line, I would work for him. Although he continued to keep records on a steno book, I created a customer database on the computer for not only record keeping, but to have access to customer information at the touch of a button. I can't and never will be able to express enough thanks for what this man did for me and my family. We would typically start out each workday going to a restaurant to eat breakfast on his dime. Every day while I was working and the boys were in school, he either took me or let me use a vehicle to go to their school as needed, whether it was to administer their medicine or to participate in an awards ceremony, he was always very supportive. I could not have created a better job, or dreamt up a better boss. I feel bad at times because I can't recall many things he talks about involving my family and me. From coming along on family vacations to weekends on the boat to celebrity customers, I get a sense, but no real memory. I am sad I am so far away, and unable to help him now that he is on his own after the passing of his wife a few years back. I am grateful he does a lot with a neighbor and has others checking in on him. Today, as we were talking, he sent me a photo along with permission to share it on this post. With eight decades of life experience behind him, he still defies expectations and embraces the freedom of the open road. While I couldn’t have asked for a better boss, my neighbors also exceeded the best of my imagination. My next door neighbors were an amazing couple with three children a bit older than mine. We attended the same church and they loved my children and supported their activities as I did theirs! Our youngest children even shared the same birthday, ten years apart! Their oldest son would become a marine, then a state trooper. My kids loved when he would come by with his police cruiser. Their youngest son, slightly older than my oldest son's age, played bass in a band  for a while, but now has settled into family life. Their middle child, a daughter, was truly remarkable. We were really close, playing on the same softball team—her shortstop and me third base. One Sunday morning, instead of going to church like she did faithfully, she decided to work her fast food job. She was only sixteen, but it would be her and her manager's last morning to live— a serial killer was on the loose. It was a tragic loss that affects me deeply to this day. When their daughter's life was taken in 1997, a friend and I created scrapbooks for the parents and each of the sons. I am not ashamed to say, I was traumatized. I was a basket case, but wanted to help in any way that I was able. I created a website dedicated to looking for her killer, and met a lot of people both online and off. Thankful, the murderer was finally caught, but not before taking five more lives. Fast forward to 2005. I would move away and our paths rarely crossed. However, in 2011 after years of being away, a few other addresses, and a divorce, I ran into her at the store. It was so good to see her in person! She poked me a little about the parking lot lights going out as they often do when I am near, and did a quick catch up about our kids. Just two months later, I would also lose my middle child, and being reconnected with her really helped. I don't think it was merely a coincidence. Fast forward another twelve years to 2023, when I visited Tennessee for my grandson's birthday, my youngest son and I stopped to see them—still in the same house. It was nice to catch up and meet their youngest grandson, about the same age as my youngest grandson. Rewind back to the mid 90s. My neighbors on the other side were an older couple, much like the older couple from my own childhood—except these neighbors grew tomatoes instead of rhubarb. They loved talking with the boys when they were outside playing. At some point, they converted their downstairs into an apartment and rented it out to a young couple with a toddler. As a welcoming gift, I gave them a boxful of Disney movies on VHS tapes that the boys no longer watched. To the best of my recollection, after the owners passed, this couple bought the home, and disputed the fence line between our houses. In the end, our fence was well within our property line. I do recall not caring for them after this incident. One neighbor across the street had grandkids that attended school with my kids, another was a racecar driver and it wasn't unusual for him to be working on his car in the driveway. Another neighbor on our street always put on a big Halloween display and we would stop and visit with them during this time. She was always so wonderful about supporting the kids in their school or church fundraisers. Other than the road itself, which was a cut through street, it was a nice area for my children to grow up. The first church we attended was at one end of the street with the elementary school being only a block away from the other end of the street. The bowling alleys and skating rink were within a mile from the house. Many of my relationships evolved from church, school and bowling. There were a few other parents that had children close to my boys ages. I also made friends with older people in the church in an attempt to include my husband, 19 years my senior, in activities. We mostly socialized with others during church or school related events. However, if it didn't include the boys or bowling, my husband wasn't interested in socializing! I held yard sales often—it is something I had always enjoyed. It would be amazing to travel the Rt 127 yard sale, a 690 mile trip reaching from Alabama to Michigan, but for now, back to the neighborhood! There was a building within walking distance of our house that I always kept an eye on with dreams of someday having a little junk store. Anxiety, and lack of support, kept that dream from materializing. I remember during one yard sale, I met someone that was looking for things for her stepson that was going to be living with her and her husband fulltime. I gave her a few things, but one item in particular was a hand-crafted wooden rocking elephant that my brother made. Honestly, seeing the elephant triggered flashbacks of memories I was trying to forget. They moved away, and we lost touch. Years later, I got a call from a security company that her alarm was going off and I was her emergency contact. I saw her one time after that when I found her address and made a trip to her house. I don't recall the actual meeting at all. I have wanted to call her, but outgoing phone calls create an overwhelming amount of stress. Her husband, at the time, traveled to churches delivering a message through music and comedy, he has since passed away. I can't go into great detail about everything that unfolded between the mid-1990s to the mid-2000s, but it was a tumultuous period in my life. The world around me was chaotic, and personally, I faced a barrage of significant difficulties. Some memory flashes race through my mind. in no specific order. Losing my grandmother, my oldest son going to live with my parents—only to to be kidnapped and abused, the chaos of 9/11, husband's job loss after a major company bankrupts, five eye surgeries, two suicide attempts, the threat of divorce, five days in jail for a crime I didn’t commit, my middle son’s seizures and my youngest son's mysterious medical ailments—all while I fought to find stability and solutions. My mental health took a toll, and I became increasingly overwhelmed by everything happening around me. I struggled silently, as no one truly understood the weight I carried. After leaving the tree service, I got hired as a substitute teacher. A year later, I enrolled in the university—determined to get my bachelor degree. In what field, I didn't know. It is difficult to express just how little support I received at home. When someone doesn’t value education because of their own experiences, it becomes difficult for them to understand the kind of encouragement and support needed to pursue a degree. Now in 2005, with everything happening in such a short span of time, it’s no wonder I don’t have many detailed memories. I housed all the pain, all the turmoil, all the lies, within my already overburdened mind. I no longer socialized, keeping to myself, withdrawing further as I poured myself into work and school. My husband was able to retire after working an additional three years, but at what cost and at whose expense? We lost our home and we had to move, again—to be continued. 2 Samuel 22:29 "You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light."

Sometimes during a discussion and other times randomly, a thought comes to mind. Today, it was the "importance of importance" and what it could mean. It could refer to how you determine what matters most in life, how you assign meaning or priority to things, and how those choices shape your actions, thoughts, and relationships. What matters is not always what you choose to see, but what you carry quietly tucked beneath layers of routine. You chase moments you call important, mark milestones as if they are maps. Yet meaning shifts like light on water, never fixed never still. You build your days with what you name important. A title, a task, a whispered promise, but who decides what holds weight and what slips away? The world tells you what to cherish, and you listen until the echoes fade. Leaving you to wonder if you ever knew what mattered at all. Perhaps the truth is found in what lingers after silence. In the hands that hold you steady and the hearts you never leave behind. It is not the labels or the lists—not the gold, nor the applause. It is the unseen thread that binds you to life, to love, to meaning. What matters is not always what you seek, but what remains when you finally stop asking. What you hold as vital may drift from another’s grasp and what you set aside could be the foundation of someone else’s world. Importance shifts with time—a fragile weight on ever-changing scales. Yet beneath it all lies a quiet truth. You are the one who chooses what carries you forward. It is not the world that whispers significance, but it is your heart naming what matters. That is the "importance of importance." Introduction Understanding what you deem important in life often shapes your actions, relationships, and mindset. Whether it’s about deciding what to prioritize, recognizing how subjective importance can be, exploring deeper meanings, or reflecting on how these choices affect your mental health, each of these aspects plays a crucial role in how you interact with the world around you. I hope you will find meaning and importance in this post! The Value of Prioritizing It could mean that understanding what you deem important is, in itself, important. People often rush through life without reflecting on their values or priorities. Recognizing why you value certain things helps you make more intentional decisions. 💡 Examples Why do you prioritize work over well-being or well-being over work? Why do you consider some traditions or beliefs more important than others? Are personal connections more valuable than possessions? Is spending time on hobbies you enjoy more important than time with family? The choices you make can influence your relationships and the way you connect with others. The importance lies in questioning the importance you assign to things. The Subjectivity of Importance What’s important to one person might be trivial to someone else. This could highlight that importance is subjective, and being mindful of that could improve empathy, communication, and understanding. 💡 Examples Success might be your priority, while another values simplicity and experiences. You might value knowledge, while someone else sees it as a means to an end. For you, quiet solitude above all else, but others may find comfort in chaos. Tradition may be important to you and your identity, whereas others prioritize innovation and progress. Both perspectives hold importance. The "importance of importance" could mean recognizing that everyone's priorities are valid, even if they differ. Acknowledging that difference makes you more open to other perspectives. Understanding this should help you be more mindful of how having different priorities can shape people's lives—not better or worse—differently. Philosophical Reflection on Meaning On a deeper level, it could explore the nature of meaning itself. Why do humans need things to be important? What happens if you stop assigning importance to anything? Is meaning inherent or created? 💡 Examples Existentialists like Camus and Sartre argued that meaning is something created to avoid existential dread—feelings of despair that can arise when thinking about life. A sense of purpose can give your life structure and direction, but the meaning you assign to things might be entirely of your own making. Certain life events feel life-changing in the moment, but over time, their importance fades, revealing how temporary some meanings can be. You may find that assigning importance to things gives you stability, but the act of letting go of importance can also be freeing. The "importance of importance" might be the need to find meaning in life to feel grounded and purposeful. Why do humans seek purpose at all? What drives our need to feel that life has importance, and what happens if we stop searching for meaning? “One cannot long remain so absorbed in contemplation of emptiness without being increasingly attracted to it. In vain one bestows on it the name of infinity; this does not change its nature. When one feels such pleasure in non-existence, one’s inclination can be completely satisfied only by completely ceasing to exist.” ― Émile Durkheim A Mental Health Perspective It could explore how misplaced importance can lead to anxiety or stress. When you treat things like perfection or external validation as important, you risk mental health consequences. Reflecting on what should hold importance can be a key to clarity. 💡 Examples Do you overvalue productivity? Social media attention? Achievements? You value external achievements to prove your worth. Placing too much importance on external validation can harm your self-esteem when you don’t receive the recognition you expect. When you place importance on productivity at the cost of rest, you risk burnout, affecting both your mental and physical health. When you focus on completing tasks perfectly, but fail to recognize it stems from a need for control, you miss an opportunity to release some of that pressure and accept "good enough." What has helped me is: I still strive for perfection, but I no longer stress too much trying to make something perfect, and when it inevitably is not perfect, I don't fall apart—I just fix it later if I am able. Misplaced priorities can cause you to feel constantly anxious. Reassessing what you find important can bring peace and help you shift toward valuing self-compassion and inner growth instead. Reframing what really matters can help bring balance to your life. Conclusion The "importance of importance" invites you to pause and reflect on what drives your life. The things you value shape your time, your goals, and your relationships, yet how often do you stop to ask why they matter? When you take the time to question what holds importance — and challenge those choices when needed — you gain a clearer understanding of yourself. It’s through this process that you can discover what truly deserves your energy and what you might be holding onto without realizing it. 1 Corinthians 15:3 "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures"

As I reflect on my past and the scars that remain, there is something I have carried for decades that I can no longer ignore. I was abused and sexually violated throughout my childhood by my father, an experience that shaped me in ways I am still unraveling. Years later, my child also suffered at the hands of the same man—a horror that resulted in my father going to trial for his crimes, and ultimately to jail. Yet through it all, one of my younger brothers, who is now a family court judge, has remained silent. Well not exactly silent—after my father's death, he publicly praised him on social media. Growing up, I had six brothers. In addition to my father, one of my older brothers also violated me during my teenage years. To this day, I do not know if any of my brothers were similarly abused by our father, but if they were, no one has ever spoken about it publicly—at least not to my knowledge. My son and I remain the only ones who have come forward about the abuse we endured. This silence leaves me with unanswered questions and a sense of isolation, as though the burden of this history rests solely on us. My focus for this article is only on my brother that is four years younger than me. When we were growing up, I was the one who took the brunt of the abuse, while it seems my younger brother was shielded from that pain. When he was a baby, my aunt was pushing him in a carriage, and I ran into the road and was struck by a car. At four years old, he got behind the wheel of our family car, and pulled down on the gearshift. The car rolled down the driveway, across the street, and hit the corner of the neighbor's house—I took the blame. I chauffeured him around when I got my license and carried the burden of our father's darkness while he was given the chance to pursue his dreams. He became a lawyer, then a judge, while I was left to pick up the pieces of my shattered childhood and twenty years later, face the devastation wrought on my own child. For over forty years, as an adult, he has not spoken a single word of gratitude for the sacrifices I made, whether intentional or circumstantial. Instead, the only time he confronted me about the past was during my grandmother's funeral to accuse me of giving him a smoke of weed when he was twelve—something I do not even recall, though it is possible. If I did, I was just a sixteen-year-old child myself, living in the same toxic environment he was—but, I was trying to survive each and every day. Yet that seems to be the one memory he has chosen to hold onto, rather than acknowledging the horrors I endured or the ways I shielded him from the same fate. During a hardship, I lost the ability to stay connected with my son after this brother convinced me to sign a legal document I didn’t fully understand. My parents then cut off direct communication, and I was only able to reach my son through his school. Much like myself as a child, my son kept quiet about the abuse he was enduring. While my child was being abused over a six year period, my brother lived on the same property as our father, my son's grandfather, yet my brother apparently was unaware of what was happening. Perhaps that is true. Perhaps he was too busy pursuing his career and building his life to notice. But his silence speaks volumes. It is not just about what he did not know then, but it is about what he refuses to acknowledge even now. To make matters worse, my brother aided the defense team during my father’s trial for the abuse of my child. Even when presented with DNA evidence of the crimes, my brother chose to stand by the man who destroyed both my childhood and my son’s. Now, as a judge in family court, he sits in a position where he decides the fate of children. I cannot help but question how someone who has remained silent about the abuse in his own family—someone who hasn’t even acknowledged the pain others endured—can be trusted to make decisions that impact vulnerable children. I recently came across a microcassette labeled “the confrontation with my dad 12/6/93 10:30 pm."  It is a recording of a conversation between my father and me, but I do not remember anything about it—not making the call, not the confrontation itself, not what was said, and not how it ended. Unfortunately, I don’t have a player to listen to it, and given my financial situation, I am unsure if it is worth buying one. If the tape contains an admission, it could be a powerful piece of evidence when I confront my brother, dispelling any claims that I am acting out of jealousy. But if it holds only a denial, it won’t help me at all in that matter—other than proof that I spoke out over thirty years ago—the year before my son went to stay with his grandparents. Confronting my brother publicly, especially in a letter to the editor in the county where we grew up and he now presides over family court, is not something I take lightly. It is a decision born out of years of silence, pain, and unresolved questions. I feel that, as a family court judge, my brother holds a position of great responsibility—one that impacts the lives of vulnerable children and families. His silence about the abuse that occurred within our family, and his decision to stand by our father despite knowing the truth, contradicts the values he is sworn to uphold in his professional role. I feel like my brother owes me more than silence. He owes me acknowledgment, gratitude, and accountability. I shielded him, whether knowingly or not, from the horrors of our father’s abuse. I carried the pain while he was supported, nurtured, and given the freedom to become a lawyer, a judge, and someone with the power to shape lives. I warned him to protect his own daughters, not realizing gender was not a factor which would become evident years later. Or, maybe I didn't shield him, and he was abused, too. For over forty years, my younger brother has offered nothing but silence—and worse, complicity. It is time to stop pretending that silence is neutrality. It is not. Silence enables harm. And as I wrestle with the decision of whether to confront my brother publicly, I know my story deserves to be told, and the truth deserves to be heard. Years ago, I gave my brother a graduation gift inscribed—Justice For All. Ephesians 5:11 “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”

As many may know, I have a lot of holes in my memory. I will be making a pro and con list because I have an important decision to make. Recently, while going through my belongings, I found a Sony microcassette tape I do not remember making. I do not even remember owning a microcassette recorder. The tape is labeled “the confrontation with my dad 12/6/93 10:30 pm." I had previously told my mother of the abuse years earlier and received no support. Both of my parents are now deceased. I am debating if I want to listen to the tape. My therapist thinks a pro and con list could help me decide. I believe writing this post will serve two purposes. First, it allows me to organize my own thoughts as I work through whether or not to listen to the tape. Second, it may provide a useful guide for others facing difficult choices. A pro and con list is not just about writing facts, but it is also about recognizing the emotions tied to each option. In my case, this decision involves more than curiosity, but the potential emotional impact of revisiting a difficult memory. By sharing this process, I hope to show that it is okay to take your time, reflect deeply, and use tools like these to make decisions that feel right for you. The Purpose of a Pro and Con List When faced with a tough decision, creating a pro and con list can help you weigh your options clearly. These lists break down the positives and negatives, making complex choices easier to understand. They can also go by other names, such as "advantages and disadvantages," "pluses and minuses," or "upsides and downsides." Regardless of what you call it, the purpose remains the same: to bring clarity to your thoughts. A pro and con list serves as a visual tool to organize your reasoning. It is particularly helpful when emotions or external pressures cloud your judgment. By categorizing your thoughts, you can step back and assess the situation logically. This method is especially effective when you need to prioritize or when several people are involved in the decision-making process. Later in the post, I will introduce another decision making tactic. How a List Can Help Clarifies Your Thoughts:  Writing down your pros and cons forces you to articulate your thoughts. It helps you see the situation more objectively. Identifies Patterns:  You may notice recurring themes, such as a specific fear or benefit that weighs heavily on your decision. Encourages Logical Thinking:  Instead of relying on gut instincts or emotion, a pro and con list helps you approach the situation from a rational perspective. Provides a Visual Reference:  Having your thoughts in front of you allows you to compare and evaluate them side by side. Questions To Help Create Your List Basic Considerations What are the potential benefits of making this decision? Feeling happier, more peaceful, or less stressed. Saving money, earning more, or reducing debt. New relationships, career growth, or personal development. Saving time, simplifying life, or avoiding hassle. Physical or mental health improvements. Helps you move closer to short- or long-term objectives. Learning new skills, gaining confidence, or overcoming fears. Strengthening relationships or improving social connections. Feeling proud or achieving something meaningful. Adding joy or entertainment to your life. What are the possible drawbacks or risks? Increased anxiety, sadness, or frustration. Spending money, risking loss, or missing savings opportunities. Extra time required or delays in other priorities. Increased workload, physical exhaustion, or health risks. Conflict, misunderstandings, or isolation. Unpredictable outcomes or risks of failure. Feeling overwhelmed or pressured to succeed. Going against your principles or personal values. Pushing you further from what you want to achieve. Missing out on other possibilities or better options. General Questions How will this decision impact me in the short term? How might this decision affect my long-term goals? What are the practical outcomes of each option? Emotional Impact How will this decision make me feel emotionally? Will this decision bring me peace of mind or add stress? Are there any unresolved emotions tied to this decision? Social and Relationship Factors How will this choice impact my relationships with others? Will this decision require support from others? Am I comfortable asking for others for support? Does this decision align with advice or feedback from trusted people in my life? Practical and Financial Considerations What are the financial implications of this decision? How much time or effort will this choice require? Are there logistical challenges I need to account for? Alignment with Values and Goals Does this decision align with my core values? Will this choice help me move closer to my personal or professional goals? Am I prioritizing what truly matters to me? Risk and Uncertainty What is the worst-case scenario, and how likely is it? Can I handle the consequences if things do not go as planned? Are there factors I am unsure about, and how can I clarify them? Alternatives and Flexibility Are there other options I have not considered yet? If I change my mind later, will I have the opportunity to course-correct? What would happen if I decided not to make a choice at all? Creating and Analyzing the List List the Pros and Cons:  Write down all the reasons for and against your decision. The questions aim to trigger thoughts, do not overthink at this stage—just get everything onto the page. You can revisit the questions later to refine your list. Assign a Value:  For each item, rate its importance on a scale of 1 to 5 (or another scale you find helpful), with 5 being the most significant. Compare Similar Points:  Look for pros and cons that are directly related. For example, if a pro is "extra pay" and a con is "extra work," consider how much the benefit of additional finances outweighs the drawback of additional effort. Tally the Scores:  Add up the scores for both columns. This gives you a rough numerical guide to which side is stronger. Are there more pros than cons, or do the cons feel heavier despite their smaller number? Review for Intangibles:  Look beyond the numbers. Consider how each item aligns with your emotions, values, or long-term goals. Some points might not be easy to quantify but still matter greatly. Factors, like peace of mind or personal fulfillment, may not have a clear weight but can still influence your decision significantly. Reflect:  Step back and think about how the list feels to you. Are the items based on fact, opinion, or fear? Do the scores match what your intuition is telling you? Revisit the questions above to dig deeper into your thoughts. This approach encourages you to think more about each point, making your list more thorough and helpful. Breaking it down this way can make the process feel more manageable and less overwhelming. This process is a guide, not a strict rule Additional Considerations Alternative Names:  If "pros and cons" does not resonate with you, consider using "benefits and drawbacks," "reasons for and against," or "strengths and weaknesses." Expand the Format:  For more complex decisions, create subcategories within each section. For example, under "pros," you might include financial, emotional, and social benefits and under "cons" negative impact, emotional and financial cost. Consult Others:  Share your list with a trusted friend or advisor for additional perspectives. Often an outside source can see things more objectively. Revisit the List:  Decisions may evolve over time. Reassess your list periodically to ensure it reflects your current priorities. By taking the time to create and analyze a pro and con list, you empower yourself to make informed and confident decisions. As an Executive Customer Relations (ECR) representative for Amazon, I learned a technique for decision making called the "Two-Way Door vs. One-Way Door" framework. It is a simple yet powerful mental model that can be applied beyond business—like personal decisions or even creative projects. Overview of the Concept Two-Way Doors: These are reversible decisions. If the outcome is not what you hoped, you can go back and try another approach. These decisions can often be made quickly because the risk is low, and the impact is temporary. One-Way Doors: These are irreversible or difficult-to-reverse decisions. Once you step through, you cannot easily undo the decision. These decisions require more careful thought and planning because the stakes are higher. Application: When facing a decision, ask yourself: Is this a one-way door or a two-way door? If it is a two-way door, decide quickly and take action. If it is a one-way door, take your time to weigh the pros and cons, gather information, and plan. This framework helps prioritize decision-making effort, focusing energy on what matters most while avoiding unnecessary analysis paralysis for reversible choices. A Path to Peace or a Road to Regret Deciding whether to listen to the tape feels like stepping through a one-way door because of the emotional risks involved. Once I hear what is on it, I cannot unhear it, and the impact could be significant. That is why I need to carefully think through every factor, making my pro and con list an essential step in this process. Instead of using the boring Pro and Con headings, I decided on Peaceful Healing and Painful Regret. As I started to create my table, I realized quickly that the uncertainty of what is on the tape complicates the process of creating my list. If my father’s words are a confession, I might feel a sense of satisfaction or closure, which would belong on the peaceful healing side. However, if the tape contains a denial, that same outcome could lead to frustration or disappointment, placing dissatisfaction firmly on the painful regret side. This makes it difficult to predict how I will feel and adds a layer of complexity to my decision. It is a conundrum that reminds me of how fragile emotional risks can be when faced with the unknown. I need to ask myself if I am ready to face what I might hear, regardless of what is said. I should create one list for a confession and one for a denial. This may help me mentally prepare for either outcome and clarify how I might feel in each case. Now, I am reconsidering my headings to avoid confusion in my mind. To Be Continued (Maybe) 1 Corinthians 14:40 "But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way."

Change is one of life’s constants—and one of its greatest struggles. Change feels like one of those things everyone talks about, but few people really understand. I see it everywhere—in personal growth, habits, relationships, and even society. Is change a choice, or is it forced upon us? You have probably asked yourself if people can really change. Maybe you have wondered if you are stuck with certain habits or parts of your personality forever. I know I have wondered, "Why should I change if I like who I am?" Sometimes it feels like life forces change on you, whether you are ready or not. Other times, you try to make changes, only to end up right back where you started. So what makes change last? And what happens when it doesn’t? In this post, I will sort out what really motivates positive change, why it can feel impossible to keep going, and how to know if you are changing for the right reasons. Can You Really Change? The question of whether people can change sparks endless debate. Some say personality traits are set in stone by adulthood, while others believe we are always capable of evolving . You have probably seen people who swear they have changed, only to fall back into old patterns a few months later. But then there are those rare moments when you see someone completely turn their life around. People change for many reasons including personal growth, life experiences (good or bad), relationships, and circumstances beyond our control. Can people truly change, or do they just learn how to hide certain parts of themselves? I think the answer is somewhere in between who you are inherently and who you want to become. What Makes You Want to Change? Most people do not wake up one day and decide to change without a reason. Usually, it happens because something forces you to take a hard look at yourself. Maybe it is a relationship falling apart, a health scare, or a moment when you realize you are not living the life you want. There is often a breaking point. That moment when you think, I cannot keep living like this. However, change that comes from pain is only the first step. Pain might push you toward change, but it will not sustain it. You need something more than discomfort to make change last. What Makes Change Stick? Change sticks when it is tied to something meaningful. It is not enough to say, "I want to lose weight," or "I want to be kinder." You need to ask yourself why. Are you doing it for yourself, or are you doing it to please someone else? Are you chasing a version of yourself that you actually want to be, or are you trying to fit someone else's mold? Permanent change happens when you are motivated by something internal—something that aligns with your core values. If you are changing to live more authentically, it will feel natural over time. If you are changing out of fear, guilt, or pressure, it will always feel like a struggle. Change is not just about big moments—it is about the small choices you make every day. People stick with changes that feel meaningful to their identity. What Are Wrong Reasons to Change? There are plenty of wrong reasons to change. When the motivation comes from outside, not within, and the person can revert as soon as the external pressure is gone. Here are some types of change that are often unsustainable. To be accepted by others. Change should reflect your own values because you will never keep up with everyone's expectations. People change their opinions too quickly. Change for yourself or you will end up living a life that is not truly yours. To seek external validation. Changing who you are just to feel worthy in someone else's eyes will leave you feeling empty, because true worth is found within yourself. You do not need others to affirm your worth, choices, or feelings. Out of guilt or shame. If your change is driven by guilt, you might get temporary results, but it will not last. It is often driven by self-punishment rather than self-improvement Guilt is a powerful motivator, but it is not a sustainable one. To escape consequences. Changing only to avoid the fallout of your actions is a quick fix, not a real transformation—it focuses on damage control, not growth. It is like putting a bandage on a deep wound. It might work for a while, but the root problem is still there. Change made to escape consequences is often temporary. Because someone else demanded it. Change that is forced by someone else's expectations rarely lasts, as it stems from obligation rather than personal conviction. When change is driven by someone else's demands, it often creates resentment and leaves you disconnected from your true needs and desires. What Motivates Real Change? Real change is motivated by growth, purpose, and authenticity. When you change because you want to grow, because it aligns with your values, or because it helps you live more authentically, it feels right. You are not fighting against who you are now—you are becoming more of who you are meant to be. If someone suggests change, it does not mean you should dismiss it outright. Sometimes, others can see things from a perspective you might not notice. Their advice, when given with thought, can be a chance for you to reflect on areas that could use improvement and spark a realization that there is something worth changing. It is about being open to hearing others' perspectives and using them as an opportunity to reflect. Songs That Address Change I was listening to Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd , and the lyrics 'Lord knows I can't change — Lord, help me, I can't change — Lord, I can't change' gave me the idea for this post about change. Music has a way of capturing the struggle with change perfectly. I listed some other songs about change and the resistance to change. Changes by David Bowie – About embracing the inevitability of change. The Times They Are A-Changin' by Bob Dylan – A call to accept that times change. Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson – Real change starts with yourself. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor – About moving on and growing stronger. Landslide by Fleetwood Mac – Life changes and growing older. Blackbird by The Beatles – Time to seize the opportunity to change. Cool Change by Little River Band – Knowing yourself and finding peace. I Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty – Not changing and standing firm in your values. Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson – Breaking free from habits and environments to grow. Same Old Love by Selena Gomez – Being tired of repeating the same patterns. I Am Changing by Jennifer Hudson – About committing to personal transformation. Music often holds the power to reflect the changes you are going through, whether you are aware of it or not. When you hear lyrics that resonate with your experiences, they can offer a sense of connection and understanding. Songs about change often express emotions you may not know how to put into words. Whether you are embracing change or resisting it, you are not alone and the struggle is universal. Famous Quotes About Change "Change is the only constant in life." — Heraclitus "Be the change you wish to see in the world." — Often attributed to Gandhi "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." — Lao Tzu "The measure of intelligence is the ability to change." — Albert Einstein The Truth About Change Change is complicated. It is not just about willpower or intention; it is about mindset, environment, and consistency. Change usually starts with a catalyst—a moment or event that shifts your perspective. But catalysts alone aren’t enough. True change starts when you are ready to let go of who you were and step into who you can become. It is also important to recognize when you are chasing change for the wrong reasons because change that sticks comes from within. It does not mean that suggestions from others should be dismissed. Ultimately, the decision to change is yours, but being receptive to feedback can help guide you and the insight of others can serve as a helpful mirror. Permanent change does not happen overnight—it is rarely instant. It is often a gradual process, filled with setbacks, self-reflection, and determination. Lasting change takes time, patience, and self-compassion. It requires effort, regularity, and, above all, purpose. Change is not a straight line. It is messy, frustrating, and uncomfortable. You will stumble, and you will make mistakes. Do not be too hard on yourself if you struggle to keep the momentum. If your reason for changing is strong enough, you will find your way back to it. Galatians 4:20 "how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you!"

When I see the headlines about major companies scaling back or ending their Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs, it makes me reflect on what those programs were meant to achieve—and why they might not be working as intended. What is DEI? DEI stands for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, and it encompasses initiatives aimed at creating a workplace where individuals from all backgrounds feel valued, respected, and supported. Diversity focuses on having a range of people from different races, genders, sexual orientations, abilities, ages, religions, socioeconomic statuses, and cultures. Equity ensures that everyone has fair access to opportunities and resources by addressing systemic barriers that might prevent some individuals from thriving. Inclusion is about creating a culture where everyone feels welcome and heard, not just represented. DEI programs may address marginalized groups such as women, people of color, LGBTQ+ individuals, veterans, people with disabilities, older employees, and those from various faiths, but the goal is to create a workplace where everyone—including people who do not identify with a specific marginalized group—feels respected, safe, and treated fairly. Inclusion should never come at the cost of exclusion. When I started to think about how companies were built, and the structure of a company, I thought of it like building a house. Employees are residents, and they should feel at home—protected, welcomed, and safe. Analogies often paint a clearer picture. The Original Structure: A Solid Foundation Many of these companies have been around for decades, some over a century. They were built with a clear purpose: to provide goods, services, and jobs. Like a house built in the 1900s, they were functional and beautiful for their time. But times change. Just as a homeowner realizes that a single bathroom might not be enough for a growing family, companies realized that their policies were not accommodating a diverse workforce. So they added on. Affirmative Action — Focuses on increasing opportunities for historically underrepresented groups in hiring, education, and government contracts. Affirmative Action was primarily a federal policy in the U.S., though it also influenced private companies' hiring practices. Affirmative Action laid the groundwork for modern diversity policies. Companies often adopted similar principles voluntarily to ensure fair representation and avoid discrimination. Additions Upon Additions: Functional or Chaotic? The first additions to the house might have made sense—a second bathroom, a new bedroom, maybe a ramp to make it accessible. These changes helped people feel more comfortable and included. They addressed the problem and were functional. But as more rights were perceived as being violated or overlooked, more additions were made. A company might add a DEI program here, a task force there. And before long, the house that once had a solid foundation and a welcoming design now looks like a chaotic patchwork. Instead of creating a nice flow, walls were built which created division. What was meant to promote inclusion can sometimes do the opposite. When walls are built between different groups and specific rights are granted to some while others feel excluded, the house no longer feels like home to everyone. Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) — Also known as affinity groups, these are employee-led groups that provide support and networking opportunities for specific demographics (e.g., women, LGBTQ+, veterans, people with disabilities). Unconscious Bias Training — Workshops aimed at making employees aware of their implicit biases and how they can affect workplace decisions. Supplier Diversity Programs — Initiatives to include businesses owned by minorities, women, veterans, LGBTQ+, and people with disabilities in the supply chain. Pay Equity Audits — Assessments to ensure that employees performing similar work receive equal pay, regardless of gender, race, or other factors. Mentorship Programs for Underrepresented Groups — Pairing employees from marginalized groups with mentors to help them advance their careers. Flexible Workplace Policies — Adjusted work environments to accommodate people with disabilities, parents, and caregivers (e.g., remote work, modified schedules). Inclusive Hiring Practices — Initiatives aimed at reducing bias in recruitment and ensuring a diverse talent pool is considered for open positions. Bias-Free Performance Reviews — Programs designed to make sure performance evaluations are fair and not influenced by bias. Cultural Competency Training — Educating employees about different cultures, traditions, and practices to foster understanding and inclusion. Anti-Discrimination and Anti-Harassment Policies — Policies that go beyond legal compliance to create a safer, more respectful workplace. Pronoun and Name Policies — Programs encouraging employees to share their preferred pronouns to promote inclusivity for gender-diverse individuals. The Music Room vs. The Study Room: A Workplace Analogy Think of a workplace like a house with many rooms. There is a music room for musicians to practice, and next door is a study room for academics. Both are valuable spaces. But what happens when both groups want to use their rooms at the same time? The musicians want to play loud music, and the academics need silence to concentrate. Suddenly, the house designed to accommodate everyone is not working for anyone. That is what happens when companies build separate spaces for different groups but do not consider how those spaces affect the whole. My Experience: Inclusion Gone Wrong I once filed a complaint when I worked at Amazon after seeing an email signature that included an image saying “Proud to be LGBTQ+.” Company policy was clear—no images in email signatures. Yet, because it was “Pride Month,” management decided it was okay to bend the rules. In that moment, I felt excluded. It was not about the message itself. It was about the inconsistency. Rules that applied to some did not apply to others. That is not inclusion—that is favoritism. Looking back, I should have taken my complaint further. Not because I oppose anyone’s right to express who they are, but because a policy that is selectively enforced creates division, not unity. Another program was removed within days after I sought to understand the purpose. It was a weekly posted employee feedback board about co-workers and managers. It was meant to be inclusive and positive. However, it was very exclusive, filled with many questionable nicknames, inside jokes, and over the top praise based on popularity—this board did not feel like it should be in a professional environment. It was uncomfortable. Time to Tear Down the Walls Maybe it is time to rethink DEI programs altogether—not to eliminate inclusion, but to build a better foundation. Instead of adding more rooms and walls, companies should focus on tearing down the divisions and creating an open space where everyone feels welcome. True inclusion means everyone has the same rights to be seen, heard, and respected—no exceptions. This does not mean accommodations are not needed. Reasonable accommodations are meant to provide necessary support for individuals to perform their job effectively—not to change the entire workplace to suit one person's needs, but to ensure they can contribute within the existing environment. Final Thoughts When DEI initiatives were created, the aim was to create workplaces where individuals from all backgrounds felt valued, respected, and supported. These programs addressed systemic barriers to participation and success by fostering a culture that celebrated differences and ensured equal opportunities for various groups, including but not limited to, individuals of different races, ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations, religions, ages, and abilities. It also considered socioeconomic status, veteran status, and those from underrepresented or historically marginalized communities. By moving away from DEI programs, companies can and should build environments where all employees feel they belong and can contribute their unique perspectives. Diversity, equity, and inclusion are not about special treatment for some. It is about fairness, consistency, and providing reasonable accommodations to ensure everyone has the opportunity to succeed. A company that values inclusion should ask itself: Are we building walls between groups or creating open spaces? Are we enforcing the same rules for everyone, or bending them for some? Are we fostering unity, or are we unintentionally creating division? I am all for inclusion, but it has to make sense. Should people that are clearly not qualified be given a position just so they are not excluded? This does not make sense. A solid foundation comes from having the right people in the right roles—where their skills are valued and utilized. Inclusion means qualified people from all backgrounds are given opportunities without bias. It is about fairness, not favoritism or entitlement. Silly humans! I am hopeful that this shift away from DEI programs will lead to something better—a workplace where no qualified employee feels excluded, and everyone feels they belong. As companies rebuild their “houses,” let us hope they choose to create spaces where all voices are valued equally without relying on a separate set of rights for each group. I’d love to hear your thoughts—do you think companies are heading in the right direction by moving away from DEI programs? Share your thoughts in the comments!

open a door long closed or stand outside with the key in hand hold the weight of what was broken or let it sink into the earth mend what time unraveled or let time be the only voice between see the same face with new eyes or let that face fade into a stranger do you speak or let the quiet be the weight of all you never said a glance could undo all the distance or leave it there, stretching wide do you dare build a bridge or let the gap become everything you are you could try again or let the silence turn to stone, crushing what remains meet again where things fell apart or walk away, carrying the pieces alone speak the truths that were buried or let them dissolve into nothingness reach across the space once filled with words or let silence stretch into forever breathe life into what has withered or watch the ground crack beneath the silence walk the same road with different footsteps or turn back before it bends offer what remains of a fractured heart or keep the shards hidden take a step into the unknown or stand frozen in what is already lost risk healing through the cracks or build walls that never crumble you could speak or let the empty space between you expand one word could change it all or you stay locked in the quiet there is a moment when paths cross or stretch far beyond sight a hand reaching or pulling away in the weight of this stillness speak and risk the silence breaking or let the words fade with time a chance to bridge what was lost or a silence full of unspoken words to step forward or wait until even the smallest step feels too far come forward or fall back into the quiet where nothing changes you could speak from your heart or leave silence to do the talking one word of kindness or nothing, the distance stays the same a moment could change the future or hold on to regret of the past you could meet halfway or never move at all.

the past does not sleep, it lingers in shadows a laugh, a face, a feeling you cannot hold time carries you forward, but never far enough memories slip through cracks in the present they live in quiet corners waiting to surface a scent, a song, a moment suddenly alive again you cannot return, but you cannot leave them they follow like echoes—fading but never gone each one a piece of you, you did not know you lost some are soft—they bring warmth like morning light others cut sharp edges that time cannot dull you carry them all without knowing how heavy they are the smallest details remain untouched the color of the sky on that day the way someone said your name just once memories do not ask for permission to stay they exist outside of time, neither past nor present just there you cannot rewrite them only hold them like water slipping through your fingers gone, yet still lingering in the quiet moments

In an age where artificial intelligence (AI) is becoming a daily companion, knowing how to make the most of it is key. Chat AI tools offer limitless possibilities, from boosting creativity and solving problems to generating quick answers and streamlining tasks. But as with any powerful tool, how you use it greatly impacts the results. Mastering a few simple dos and don’ts can transform your AI experience, making it more accurate, helpful, and even inspiring. This guide will walk you through practical suggestions to unlock AI’s full potential while steering clear of common pitfalls. I will cover everything from tips for asking effective questions to strategies for avoiding confusion and frustration. You can expand/collapse the Example conversations to illustrate each tip! Whether you’re a seasoned user or new to AI, understanding these best practices is essential to make every AI exchange productive, engaging, and tailored to your needs. Do Ask Clear, Specific Questions This helps the AI provide the most accurate and relevant response. Vague or overly broad questions may lead to unclear or unsatisfactory answers. For example, asking "What are some tips for learning a language?" will yield more precise advice than a general "Tell me about learning." Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Needs Improvement: User: "Can you explain why things are changing in the world?" AI: "Could you provide more specifics on what you mean by 'things changing'? That way, I can give you a more accurate answer." Well Done: User: Can you provide a brief overview of the causes and effects of climate change? AI: Sure! Climate change is primarily caused by human activities like burning fossil fuels, deforestation, and industrial processes. Its effects include rising global temperatures, melting ice caps, and increased frequency of extreme weather events. Do Provide Context When Necessary If your query is complex or related to a specific topic, providing background information helps the AI tailor its response. For instance, if you’re writing a blog post, mention the style, audience, and purpose to get better suggestions. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Not So Great: User: What should I wear? AI: I’m not sure what occasion you’re referring to. Could you specify? Spot On: User: What should I wear to an outdoor summer wedding? AI: For an outdoor summer wedding, consider a light and breathable dress or a summer suit, along with comfortable shoes. Don’t forget a hat or sunglasses for sun protection! Do Review and Refine AI Responses AI can provide great starting points, but reviewing and refining the responses is important to ensure they fit your exact needs and preferences. Think of AI output as a draft that might need tweaking to be perfect. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Not Quite Right: User: Can you tell me about the benefits of renewable energy? AI: Renewable energy is important because it uses less fossil fuels, and it’s helpful for saving the planet. Solar energy can power your home, and wind power can run turbines. There are many kinds of renewable energy, but coal is still a popular choice. User: Thanks, AI! Just Right: User: Can you tell me about the benefits of renewable energy? AI: Renewable energy is important because it uses less fossil fuels, and it’s helpful for saving the planet. Solar energy can power your home, and wind power can run turbines. There are many kinds of renewable energy, but coal is still a popular choice. User: Thanks, AI! But I think there’s an error. Could you clarify if coal is really considered renewable energy? AI: You're correct; coal is not a renewable energy source. Renewable energy sources, like solar and wind power, reduce greenhouse gas emissions, promote sustainability, and decrease reliance on fossil fuels, helping to mitigate climate change. Do Experiment With Different Phrasings If the AI's response isn’t quite right, try asking the question in a different way. Adjusting the wording or adding details can yield a more accurate or creative answer. This process helps you learn how to get the most out of AI interactions. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Too Vague: User: Tell me the thing about motivation. AI: Motivation is a complex psychological phenomenon, but can you be more specific? More Specific: User: What are some common reasons people stay motivated in their jobs? AI: People stay motivated in their jobs due to meaningful work, career growth opportunities, a positive work environment, recognition and reward, autonomy and responsibility, work-life balance, challenging tasks, clear goals and expectations, job security, and team spirit and collaboration. These factors can interact in complex ways, and what motivates one person may differ from another. Ultimately, a combination of these elements often contributes to sustained motivation in the workplace. User: Tell me five quotes about motivation? AI: Here are five quotes about motivation that might inspire you: "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." — Eleanor Roosevelt "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." — Winston Churchill "The only way to do great work is to love what you do." — Steve Jobs "Believe you can, and you're halfway there." — Theodore Roosevelt "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." — Jim Ryun Feel free to use any of these quotes in your writing or reflections! User: Write a funny paragraph about motivation? AI: Motivation is like a cat—sometimes it shows up when you least expect it, and other times, it just stares at you with that look of disdain, as if you're the one who forgot to feed it. You can chase it around the house, try to coax it with treats, or even pretend to ignore it, but it’s just going to sit there, licking its paw and judging you. So, if you ever find yourself staring blankly at a pile of unfinished tasks, just remember: even the most determined person can occasionally get distracted by the allure of a good nap or the latest cat video online. It’s all about finding the right balance between productivity and the fine art of procrastination Do Use AI for Brainstorming AI is great for generating a variety of ideas quickly, whether it's for titles, project concepts, or even marketing strategies. It’s a productive way to overcome creative blocks by providing options you may not have considered. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Ineffective: User: I need an idea. AI: Could you provide more details? I can’t suggest anything without context. Effective: User: Can you help me brainstorm blog post ideas about sustainable living? AI: Here are some ideas: ‘10 Simple Ways to Reduce Plastic Waste,’ ‘How to Create a Sustainable Garden,’ and ‘The Benefits of Eating Local Foods.’ Don’t Expect AI to Be 100% Accurate AI is a tool for information and creativity, but it may occasionally produce errors or misunderstand your request. Always verify facts, especially when accuracy is crucial (like medical, legal, or technical information). Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Off the Mark: User: What causes the seasons? AI: The seasons are caused by the distance of the Earth from the Sun. On Target: User: What causes the seasons? AI: The seasons are caused by the distance of the Earth from the Sun. User: Are you sure that is accurate? I heard it wasn't the distance AI: You're right. Sorry for the confusion. The seasons are caused by the tilt of the Earth's axis as it orbits the Sun, not by the distance from the Sun. Don’t Rely on AI for Personal Advice Alone While AI can provide general advice, it’s not a substitute for professional guidance, especially regarding personal, medical, or legal matters. It’s important to consult with a qualified professional for such issues. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Unsupportive: User: Should I break up with my partner? AI: Yes, that seems like a good idea. Supportive: User: Should I break up with my partner? AI: While I can’t provide personal advice, I’m here to listen if you want to share your feelings. I recommend discussing your concerns with trusted friends or a professional who can provide more personalized support. Don’t Copy-Paste AI Responses Without Editing AI responses can be repetitive, lack nuance, or may not align perfectly with your style or intention. Editing and personalizing the response ensures it meets your standards and feels authentically yours. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Straight Copy: User: Can you help me write a thank-you note to my teammate? AI: Thank you for collaborating with me on the project! Your insights during the meeting on {date} were invaluable. User: Thanks AI! This is what I sent: Thank you for collaborating with me on the project! Your insights during the meeting on {date} were invaluable. Enhanced Version: User: Can you help me write a thank-you note to my teammate? AI: Thank you for collaborating with me on the project! Your insights during the meeting on {date} were invaluable. User: Thanks AI! This is what I sent: Hello Abbye, Thanks for collaborating with me on the project! Your insights during the meeting on March 15 were invaluable. I hope to be able to work with you again! Don’t Overload the AI With Too Much Information at Once If a request is too lengthy or detailed, the AI may miss important parts. Break down complex queries into smaller chunks to ensure each aspect is addressed effectively. This makes it easier for you to manage the conversation as well. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Too Much Info: User: I’m working on a project about climate change, and I want to include everything: the history of climate change, the impact on polar bears, statistics from the last 50 years, different countries’ policies, detailed analysis of carbon emissions in every industry, renewable energy solutions, and how all of this relates to the current political climate. AI: That’s a lot of information! It might help to focus on a specific aspect first. Well Articulated: User: Can you help me with my project? I need to cover three main points: the impact of climate change on polar bears, recent statistics on carbon emissions, and renewable energy solutions. AI: Absolutely! Let’s start with the impact on polar bears. What details would you like to include? Don’t Assume the AI Understands Emotional Nuance Fully While AI can recognize certain tones and provide empathetic responses, it doesn’t genuinely understand emotions the way humans do. Keep this in mind when discussing sensitive or emotional topics, as its responses may not always align perfectly with what you need in those moments. Example conversations to illustrate this tip! Lacks Clarity and Specificity: User: I’m feeling really down today. What should I do? AI: Try to think positively! Is there anything else I can help you with today? Clearly Explains What is Needed: User: I’m feeling really down today. Can you suggest some ways to cope? AI: If you're feeling down today, it can be helpful to talk about what's on your mind. Sometimes just sharing your feelings can lighten the load a bit. You might also consider journaling your thoughts, going for a walk, or practice mindfulness techniques to help improve your mood. Engaging in a favorite hobby you enjoy can also be beneficial. If you’re feeling like harming yourself, please reach out to a mental health professional or call a suicide prevention hotline in your area. You don’t have to go through this alone—support is available. Conclusion In summary, using AI effectively hinges on understanding how to ask the right questions and providing necessary context. By following the tips outlined in this guide, you can enhance your interactions with AI tools, making them more productive and tailored to your needs. Whether you want to generate ideas, solve problems, or get quick answers, mastering these dos and don’ts will elevate your experience. My experience with AI has been a mix of fascination and frustration. While I initially found AI helpful for simple tasks like organizing information or answering questions, I quickly realized that it can also be limiting. Sometimes, the suggestions feel off-target or fail to capture my voice, which can be frustrating when I’m trying to express my thoughts clearly. Despite these challenges, I appreciate how AI is always ready to help me refine my writing and suggest new ideas. It’s a learning process, and I’m constantly searching to find the right balance between using AI as a tool and maintaining my unique perspective. With this in mind, customization options lets users adjust their interactions to get exactly what they need. You can change the tone, style, and specific preferences to make AI work better for you. This flexibility improves communication and creates a more engaging experience. Whether you want a formal response for work or a casual one for everyday chat, customization makes AI adaptable. You can also provide context or specific instructions to ensure the answers meet your expectations. Overall, customization helps you shape your AI experience, making it more useful and relevant. Remember, while AI can be a powerful resource, it’s important to verify information and not rely on it for personal advice. Treat AI-generated responses as starting points that you can refine and adapt. With a bit of practice, you'll unlock the full potential of AI and turn it into a valuable ally in your daily tasks. Proverbs 1:5 “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.”

Here is the TLDR, boring, no detail version of my day "I sold jewelry for more than I was asking, went to Walmart to buy groceries, some guys noticed my tires were really low, and the guy behind me had an air compressor and filled them up. Thanks, Tony!" Now for details! Somedays, it seems like everything goes wrong! This is not one of those days! I'm sure you have heard the phrase, if it is too good to be true, it probably isn't. However, God does work in mysterious ways. In this post, I am going to describe my day, and I hope you find it as fascinating and miraculous as I do. As with everything I share, it is difficult to give just the bullet points because each step or misstep shows how truly miraculous life is—even when things don't go exactly as planned. Thinking about my day actually started last night when I was looking at the amount of food I had left, but knowing I wouldn't get my check for two days. I still have jewelry and some other items on Marketplace. Last night, I even discussed selling an autographed card I have had for nearly 30 years. There had been a lot of buzz surrounding one jewelry set, ring, earrings, pendant, but as Marketplace goes conversations often end without warning. As is often the case, I wasn't worried—God will provide. About 9:30 PM, a message came in about the jewelry set. I had already over 15 people say they were interested, one person even met me a couple of days ago at the pharmacy. Frank didn't purchase it because he was looking for real gold with a good resale value. He wanted to buy my car, but it isn't for sale, so I didn't give him a price. Before he left, he mentioned my tire was low. I went back home, and forgot all about the tire. Over the weekend, message after message came in, but no follow through. It can be discouraging! Particularly, when the money is needed to survive! A few weeks ago, before Christmas, I held a jewelry box for someone that wouldn't be back in town until New Year's Eve. I don't typically like to hold items, but decided to for this person. I was counting on the money for my need the first week in January. I texted her New Years Day, and asked her about it. She said her flight was delayed, and got in late and was too tired, but asked if she could come the next day. The next day, came and went, and when I texted her, she said she worked late and asked if I took PayPal. I sent her the link to my PayPal. Nothing. "Did you get the money?" "I sent you $30" Then sends me an image, in a separate message, with some random picture, my name, and a calculator with $30. I blocked her and changed it from pending back to available. So when the message came in last night after nine, I thanked God that it didn't start with the dreaded, "is this item available?" phrase. Stanley asked if we could me the next day, and let me know his daughter asked him if he could get it for her. He also confirmed the price of $50 for the complete set, and let me know that is about all his daughter had in savings. I let him know it was $50 total, and we could meet at whatever time worked best for him. Then one hour passed, then two, three, and when four hours past, I got a message, not from Stanley, but from Casey! She was very interested and was going to buy it for her daughter! She offered me an extra ten dollars! I thought, "Is this for real!?" I let her know I was talking with someone, but if it fell through I would let her know in the morning. I texted the guy, at that time, and again in the morning, neither time I received a response. I wanted to give him a couple of hours to respond. Two hours passed, and Casey texted me, telling me she really wanted it, hoping it was still available. She asked for my address. It was really cold out, I thought about it for a few minutes before I messaged her back that it was available, and the address where we would meet. This is where the story of today really begins. I had in the ad we would meet at CVS Pharmacy. I started to give her my address, but giving the address isn't enough because of the gate. We have two gates, but visitors can only enter through the main gate. However, a GPS bypasses the front gate where the guard house is located, and takes visitors to the back gate that has a barcode scanner. Even with directions, and pointing this out, people still call me from the back gate wondering how to get in! I suggested we meet at 11:15 AM, but her kids were asleep and we agreed to meet at CVS at noon. I left about ten minutes early to scout out an easily located parking spot. Right at noon I get a message from Casey, she would be about 15 minutes late. It wasn't a problem and cautioned to drive safely. Right around 12:15 PM, Casey messages me that she is leaving, I send a thumbs up! This entire time, I am looking across the street at Walmart, trying to convince myself that today is the day, I go in the store and buy my groceries. Another option is to go to the bank to deposit the money, order the groceries from Walmart online, and pick them up tomorrow. I was pushing to go to Walmart. Casey arrived at 12:30 PM and gave me the extra ten she had offered—I didn't decline! I headed straight to Walmart for food. I went up one aisle to park, but there were no empty spaces. I decided to make a trip around, and back up the same aisle. It was a feeling, there were plenty of rows of parking, but I liked this particular one. The spaces are pretty wide, so it isn't too much of an issue pulling into a spot. I parked, got out, took a deep breathe, reassured myself I could do this, and headed for the entrance. It took about five seconds to feel overwhelmed, just getting my cart! I was not about to give up! The noise level in Walmart is so loud, it is difficult to focus and feel calm. I need a price scanner! The only money I had was from the jewelry I just sold. I can't tell you how many times, I had to stop the cart and recount how much I was spending. I have tried a calculator before, but that doesn't work any better because I either mess up the numbers or forget very quickly if I had already added something or not. The amount of variety choices available for every single item is unreal. Whether it is choice of brands, flavor or size, it is too much for my brain. I was really hoping to be able to slowly browse the aisles and maybe find some new foods to eat, but on this trip—just being in the store was victory! A few times, I found myself standing and waiting, but that was okay. I was happy to be inside a store! I had not been in a large store for over five years. I checked out with ten dollars to spare, grabbed my bags, and headed to my car. I backed out of the parking space, and just as I pulled forward, two guys walking past motioned for me to roll down the window. They let me know my tires were really low, and I asked if they knew where I could get them filled. I noticed when I had left my house, the tires didn't turn as good, but I was thinking because the cold weather the air molecules were cuddling up condensing causing the tire pressure to go down! The guys did not know where I could get air, but then they let me know the guy in the vehicle behind me had an air compressor , and would help me. The first car spot in the row was open for me to pull in, and I've always noted that if the first spot is open, you are meant to be there! What are the odds that not only does the person behind me has a portable compressor needed to help me, but he also noticed my tires were low, and was generous enough to take the time to help! Of course being the over sharer I am, I shared some of my life history with Tony. One thing he said, that will echo in my mind is, "breathe in, breathe out, move on." I can know I should breathe, and have heard phrases in different ways, but at the time when it is needed, often what to do is lost in the anxiety. I believe this phrase is so easy and short, I will find it useful as I test waters further away from my front door. I am very thankful that Tony was where he was at the same time I was where I was. His air compressor was impressive, and it had an automatic shut off when at the correct pressure! My tires should be around 30 psi, instead they were all around 10-11 psi. Who knows how long I had been riding around with such dangerously, low tire pressure. Granted, I don't go many places yet, but I am starting to venture out, and a tire disaster would have surely set me back! Not only did Tony fill all four of my tires to the proper pressure, he reminded me when things go wrong—breathe in, breathe out, move on. My gas gage was nearly on empty, and there was a station right there I had never been to before, so I decided my day was going so well, I needed to stop and get gas. I had to circle the pumps once because I was unsure where I needed to be, but with a break in traffic and a little maneuvering, it all worked out. Refueling is a rare occurrence since I don't drive much. However, with my new glasses on the way, and my confidence level rising daily, I have hope that stopping at a gas station won't always be news worthy! Only thinking about how my interactions played out, and not taking into account others, these things all came together for me to be able to have food, gas, and a safer car today—coincidence or fate—if you know me, you already know what I think! If Frank or Stanley bought the jewelry set, I wouldn't have gone to Walmart. If I gave Casey my address, I wouldn't have went to Walmart. If I didn't have the extra 30 min to wait and think, I wouldn't have went to Walmart. If I didn't have a feeling to park in that certain row, they wouldn't have seen my car. If I was impatient in the store, and not waited a few times, we wouldn't have met. If Tony didn't have the air compressor, I would have stressed trying to find a place. If Tony would have accepted the $10 I offered, I wouldn't have had money for gas. If Casey didn't give me the extra $10, I also wouldn't have had money for gas. Thanks again, Tony! You are a real asset to the Human race! Hebrews 13:2 – "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."

God and advanced technology can coexist in our understanding of reality. As an adult, I have always identified as an agnostic—it is impossible to prove or disprove the existence of a higher power. Just as I suspend judgment about religious matters, I do the same regarding the Simulation Hypothesis. I do not have the capacity to fully know or understand the truth about such matters. However, I have felt the power of God in my life, and I have also considered the possibility of my reality being part of a simulation. Introduction The Simulation Hypothesis proposes that what we perceive as reality might actually be a highly sophisticated computer simulation. This idea has gained traction not only in scientific and philosophical circles but also in pop culture, with films like The Matrix and books by authors such as Philip K. Dick exploring similar concepts. At its core, the hypothesis challenges the very nature of existence, asking whether we can trust our senses and what it truly means to be “real.” "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." — PKD Origins of the Simulation Hypothesis The concept of questioning reality isn't new. In ancient philosophy, Plato’s Allegory of the Cave described prisoners who only saw shadows on a wall, mistaking them for reality. Similarly, René Descartes pondered whether an evil demon could be deceiving him about the existence of the world. "Cogito, ergo sum" — René Descartes In modern times, philosopher Nick Bostrom formalized the Simulation Hypothesis in a 2003 paper, "Are we living in a computer simulation?" Bostrom argued that at least one of the following must be true: Advanced civilizations never reach the capability to run simulations of reality. Advanced civilizations choose not to run such simulations. We are almost certainly living in a simulation. This trilemma opened a new way of thinking about our place in the universe. Core Premises of the Hypothesis The Simulation Hypothesis relies on some key ideas. Exponential Technological Growth: Human advancements in computing power, artificial intelligence, and virtual reality suggest that simulating complex environments might one day be possible. Indistinguishability of Simulated and Base Realities: If a simulation is detailed enough, the beings within it might never realize they are not in base reality. The Infinite Regression Problem: If we are in a simulation, the creators of our simulation might also be simulated, leading to a potentially infinite chain of simulations. Scientific and Philosophical Arguments Proponents of the Simulation Hypothesis often cite probabilities. If countless simulations could exist, the likelihood of our reality being the original seems low. Philosophers like David Chalmers argue that even if we are in a simulation, the simulated reality has its own rules and significance. However, skeptics like Neil deGrasse Tyson suggest the hypothesis is untestable, and thus not scientifically useful. Others argue that the energy required to simulate an entire universe may exceed any civilization’s capabilities. Technological Feasibility The rapid evolution of technology gives weight to the hypothesis. Virtual reality headsets create immersive environments, while AI can simulate human behavior. Quantum computing could one day simulate entire universes by processing massive amounts of data. However, there are challenges. Current simulations lack the depth and complexity of real life, and it is unclear how long it would take to develop technology capable of simulating human consciousness. Religious and Ethical Implications The Simulation Hypothesis, while rooted in modern technology and philosophy, can coexist with religious beliefs. For many, it does not negate the existence of God but rather offers a new framework for understanding divine creation. Instead of viewing God as a supernatural being creating the world through mysterious means, one could see God as a master architect or programmer who designed reality with intention and purpose. The Simulation Hypothesis parallels many creation stories. Belief in God and the Simulation Hypothesis The idea that our universe might be a simulation does not inherently contradict the belief in a higher power. In fact, several parallels can be drawn between traditional religious teachings and the simulation concept. Creation Narrative — Most major religions describe a creation story in which a higher power brings the universe into existence. In Christianity, God speaks the world into being. This aligns with the idea of a programmer writing code to manifest a virtual world. The process of creating a universe, whether through divine speech or advanced technology, suggests intentional design. The Concept of an Omniscient Creator — In the Simulation Hypothesis, the creators of the simulation would be all-knowing within that system. They would have control over the parameters of the universe, much like the God described in the Bible. Psalm 147:5 says, “Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit.” This verse can be interpreted to describe a creator who understands every detail of the created world—a programmer with full knowledge of the system they designed. Moral and Ethical Guidelines — Religions provide moral codes for their followers. If we live in a simulation, it is possible that the creators have embedded moral guidelines into the system to ensure ethical behavior among its inhabitants. From this perspective, religious teachings might serve as the “programming” that guides human behavior, much like code dictates the behavior of a simulated environment. Life as a Test — Many religions view life as a test of faith and character, with consequences in the afterlife based on one's actions. If our reality is a simulation, life could be seen as a controlled environment where the creators observe how we respond to various challenges. This aligns with the Christian belief in free will and personal accountability. The Role of Faith in a Simulated World For those with religious beliefs, the Simulation Hypothesis does not necessarily diminish the role of faith. Instead, it can enhance it. Faith in God's Purpose: Just as believers have faith in God, they could also trust that God has a purpose for everything, including the design of our reality—whether it's understood as part of the natural world or a grand, divinely orchestrated simulation. Mystery of Existence: Religions often emphasize the mystery of God’s ways. Similarly, the Simulation Hypothesis presents a mystery. The full motives or methods of God are beyond our understanding. This holds true even if our world is part of a simulation, a greater design. Does the Hypothesis Challenge Free Will? A common concern is that if we are in a simulation, we may not have free will. However, this is not necessarily true. Just as a programmer can create a virtual world with autonomous characters who make their own choices within the parameters of the program, God created a world where humans have genuine free will. In Christianity, the idea of free will is central to the relationship between God and humanity. People are free to choose their actions, and these choices determine their spiritual outcomes. This belief can be reconciled with the idea of living in a simulation where we have the freedom to make decisions, despite existing within a structured system. Whether living in a simulation or not, the idea of free will does not change. Biblical Parallels to a Simulated World The Bible contains several passages that resonate with the idea that the world might not be what it seems. Consider the following verses: 1 Corinthians 13:12 — “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” This verse suggests that our current understanding of reality is limited, much like characters in a simulation would have a limited understanding of the larger system they are part of. Proverbs 3:5 — "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" If we are living in a simulation, this verse reminds us that we cannot rely solely on human reasoning to grasp the nature of reality; instead, we must trust in God’s greater design, even if it remains beyond our understanding. Jeremiah 3:15 — "Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will lead you with knowledge and understanding." God provides guidance through those who share divine wisdom, which can help us navigate questions of existence, whether we perceive reality as physical, spiritual, or simulated. Luke 17:20-21 — “The kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst.” This passage hints at a deeper reality that exists beyond what we can perceive with our senses, much like a simulation’s underlying code. 1 John 2:15 — “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.” If we are in a simulation, this verse could take on new meaning. It could be seen as a reminder not to become overly attached to material things in a world that might be temporary or illusory. Isaiah 55:8-9 — "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." This verse reflects the idea that God's ways transcend human understanding, paralleling the mystery behind the Simulation Hypothesis and the limitations of our perception of reality. What Would Be the Purpose of the Simulation? From a religious perspective, the Simulation Hypothesis could be viewed as God’s way of creating a controlled environment for spiritual growth and testing. The simulation could serve several purposes: Moral Development — In Christianity, life is seen as an opportunity for moral and spiritual growth. A simulated world could be designed to present challenges that help individuals grow in compassion, patience, and faith. Observation of Free Will — If God is the ultimate programmer, the simulation allows God to observe how individuals exercise free will. This aligns with the Christian belief that humans are judged based on their choices and actions. Preparation for a Higher Reality — Some religious teachings suggest that life on Earth is a preparation for a higher, eternal reality. In this context, the simulation could be a training ground for the soul, preparing it for the afterlife. How Different Religions Might View the Hypothesis Different religions could interpret the Simulation Hypothesis in unique ways. Christianity: God is the creator of the simulation, and Jesus’s teachings provide the guidelines for living within it. The afterlife would be the transition from the simulated world to the “real” world. Hinduism: The concept of Maya (illusion) in Hinduism aligns closely with the Simulation Hypothesis. Hindu teachings suggest that the physical world is an illusion, and true reality lies beyond it. Buddhism: Buddhism teaches that reality is shaped by perceptions and that enlightenment involves seeing beyond illusions. The Simulation Hypothesis could fit well within this framework. Reconciling Faith and Technology Believing in the Simulation Hypothesis does not mean abandoning faith. Instead, it offers a new lens through which to view spiritual teachings. The advancements in technology that allow us to consider such ideas may themselves be seen as part of God’s plan, revealing more about the nature of existence as we evolve. God as the Ultimate Creator — Just like people create virtual worlds or video games, God could have created an advanced civilization capable of building simulations. These beings, in turn, created our reality as a simulated environment. This keeps God as the original Creator of everything, including those advanced beings. A Layered Creation — Think of it like a hierarchy. God is at the top, creating everything, including the advanced beings. They become like God’s tools to bring about the simulated world we experience. This concept is not too different from how Christians believe God uses people to fulfill His plans. Free Will Still Applies — Even in a simulation, free will can exist. The advanced beings would have created a world where humans can make choices, and God’s divine plan could still unfold through those choices. It does not take away from God’s sovereignty; it just adds layers to how creation works. Even if we are living in a simulation, it does not remove God from the equation. God created the advanced beings who made the simulation. So, the simulation itself is still a part of God's divine plan. The Simulation Hypothesis suggests that everything traces back to God, no matter how advanced or layered reality might be. Evidence For and Against Evidence For: The existence of patterns in nature that resemble computational processes, like the discrete nature of particles. Unexplained phenomena in physics, such as the fine-tuning of universal constants, could suggest intentional design. Evidence Against: The lack of observable “glitches” or proof of external interference. The hypothesis might rely too heavily on speculative technology. What It Means for Us If we are in a simulation, it could reshape how we view life, death, and purpose. Some might feel liberated, seeing existence as a temporary experience in a larger system. Others could struggle with existential dread, feeling life is less meaningful. Still, many argue that whether or not life is simulated, the experiences and relationships we have are real to us and hold inherent value. Conclusion The Simulation Hypothesis challenges our understanding of reality, pushing the boundaries of science and philosophy. While we may never know for certain whether we live in a simulation, exploring these ideas encourages us to remain curious about the mysteries of existence. Perhaps the greatest takeaway is the reminder to approach life with an open mind, always questioning and seeking truth. Whether we live in a created simulation or the real world, our understanding is limited. We should place our faith in God rather than fully relying on human logic to explain our reality. Even if someone created a simulation, it would not change the importance of trusting in God's ultimate wisdom and purpose. If we are part of a simulation, it would not negate the presence of spiritual guidance. God promises to provide shepherds—teachers, leaders, or even advanced creators—who can impart wisdom. No matter how reality is structured, God's plan includes people who will lead us toward greater knowledge and understanding, whether they are within or outside the simulation. I would be interested to read your thoughts on the Simulation Hypothesis. Feel free to share any insights or perspectives in the comments below or on the Get in Touch page! Isaiah 40:28 "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom."

Vision is more than sight, more than the eye can see, more than colors shifting with the sun and the moon, more than shapes in the distance, more than shadows on your path, more than what the world reflects back at you. Vision allows you to interpret the world and connect meaningfully with it. True vision is light reaching your eyes and your heart. It is clarity in the unseen—the whispered truths often ignored. It is recognizing the weight of shadows as they stretch behind mimicking your every move. You see through lenses shaped by years, by losses, by laughter, by the quiet moments, etched in your mind, by words spoken and soon forgotten. You see connections, no one else notices, linking moments that others view as unrelated. You see a perspective only visible to you. Sometimes vision is blurred by fear, or softened by hope. When you are scared or anxious, your ability to see situations clearly can become clouded. Fear can distort reality, making things seem worse than they are. Hope can change how you see things, making you more forgiving or optimistic. It may cause you to overlook certain harsh truths because you are focused on the possibility of a better outcome. It can sharpen with pain, and sometimes it dims in peace. Painful experiences often bring sudden clarity. When you are hurt, you may see things more clearly—who you can trust, what really matters, or truths you may have ignored. Pain strips away illusions. In peaceful moments, you may stop analyzing or overthinking. Things feel calm and stable, so you do not feel the need to scrutinize everything. That mental stillness can make you more relaxed, but it may also make you less alert or perceptive. Sometimes your sight is clear and in focus, other times, it blurs—with confusion and questions you cannot answer. You notice things others might miss, like the way light bends through a window, the subtle change in someone’s voice, the unspoken weight of silence. You see extraordinary beauty in what others dismiss as ordinary. To see is to acknowledge—what is in front of you, what is within you, what you try not to face. But you know there is more to see. More than what is right in front of you. More than what you think you understand. A different way of viewing the world. Even in the blur, there is meaning. You search for clarity in the fog, for truth in each moment—even in the haze, truth can be seen. You are able to see the truth through confusion. You can see light in darkness, focus in chaos, and truth in uncertainty. To truly see is not just to open the eyes. It is to open the heart to all that has been, all that is, and all that is yet to come. Even when your vision falters, even when you cannot focus, you know there is meaning in what you perceive and in what you are still learning to see. You want to see clearly—not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Matthew 13:16-17 “But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.”