Change is one of life’s constants—and one of its greatest struggles. Change feels like one of those things everyone talks about, but few people really understand. I see it everywhere—in personal growth, habits, relationships, and even society. Is change a choice, or is it forced upon us? You have probably asked yourself if people can really change. Maybe you have wondered if you are stuck with certain habits or parts of your personality forever. I know I have wondered, "Why should I change if I like who I am?"
Sometimes it feels like life forces change on you, whether you are ready or not. Other times, you try to make changes, only to end up right back where you started. So what makes change last? And what happens when it doesn’t? In this post, I will sort out what really motivates positive change, why it can feel impossible to keep going, and how to know if you are changing for the right reasons.
Can You Really Change?
The question of whether people can change sparks endless debate. Some say personality traits are set in stone by adulthood, while others believe we are always capable of evolving. You have probably seen people who swear they have changed, only to fall back into old patterns a few months later. But then there are those rare moments when you see someone completely turn their life around.
People change for many reasons including personal growth, life experiences (good or bad), relationships, and circumstances beyond our control. Can people truly change, or do they just learn how to hide certain parts of themselves? I think the answer is somewhere in between who you are inherently and who you want to become.
What Makes You Want to Change?
Most people do not wake up one day and decide to change without a reason. Usually, it happens because something forces you to take a hard look at yourself. Maybe it is a relationship falling apart, a health scare, or a moment when you realize you are not living the life you want. There is often a breaking point. That moment when you think, I cannot keep living like this. However, change that comes from pain is only the first step. Pain might push you toward change, but it will not sustain it. You need something more than discomfort to make change last.
What Makes Change Stick?
Change sticks when it is tied to something meaningful. It is not enough to say, "I want to lose weight," or "I want to be kinder." You need to ask yourself why. Are you doing it for yourself, or are you doing it to please someone else? Are you chasing a version of yourself that you actually want to be, or are you trying to fit someone else's mold?
Permanent change happens when you are motivated by something internal—something that aligns with your core values. If you are changing to live more authentically, it will feel natural over time. If you are changing out of fear, guilt, or pressure, it will always feel like a struggle. Change is not just about big moments—it is about the small choices you make every day. People stick with changes that feel meaningful to their identity.
What Are Wrong Reasons to Change?
There are plenty of wrong reasons to change. When the motivation comes from outside, not within, and the person can revert as soon as the external pressure is gone. Here are some types of change that are often unsustainable.
To be accepted by others. Change should reflect your own values because you will never keep up with everyone's expectations. People change their opinions too quickly. Change for yourself or you will end up living a life that is not truly yours.
To seek external validation. Changing who you are just to feel worthy in someone else's eyes will leave you feeling empty, because true worth is found within yourself. You do not need others to affirm your worth, choices, or feelings.
Out of guilt or shame. If your change is driven by guilt, you might get temporary results, but it will not last. It is often driven by self-punishment rather than self-improvement Guilt is a powerful motivator, but it is not a sustainable one.
To escape consequences. Changing only to avoid the fallout of your actions is a quick fix, not a real transformation—it focuses on damage control, not growth. It is like putting a bandage on a deep wound. It might work for a while, but the root problem is still there. Change made to escape consequences is often temporary.
Because someone else demanded it. Change that is forced by someone else's expectations rarely lasts, as it stems from obligation rather than personal conviction. When change is driven by someone else's demands, it often creates resentment and leaves you disconnected from your true needs and desires.
What Motivates Real Change?
Real change is motivated by growth, purpose, and authenticity. When you change because you want to grow, because it aligns with your values, or because it helps you live more authentically, it feels right. You are not fighting against who you are now—you are becoming more of who you are meant to be.
If someone suggests change, it does not mean you should dismiss it outright. Sometimes, others can see things from a perspective you might not notice. Their advice, when given with thought, can be a chance for you to reflect on areas that could use improvement and spark a realization that there is something worth changing. It is about being open to hearing others' perspectives and using them as an opportunity to reflect.
Songs That Address Change
I was listening to Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and the lyrics 'Lord knows I can't change — Lord, help me, I can't change — Lord, I can't change' gave me the idea for this post about change. Music has a way of capturing the struggle with change perfectly. I listed some other songs about change and the resistance to change.
Changes by David Bowie – About embracing the inevitability of change.
The Times They Are A-Changin' by Bob Dylan – A call to accept that times change.
Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson – Real change starts with yourself.
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor – About moving on and growing stronger.
Landslide by Fleetwood Mac – Life changes and growing older.
Blackbird by The Beatles – Time to seize the opportunity to change.
Cool Change by Little River Band – Knowing yourself and finding peace.
I Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty – Not changing and standing firm in your values.
Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson – Breaking free from habits and environments to grow.
Same Old Love by Selena Gomez – Being tired of repeating the same patterns.
I Am Changing by Jennifer Hudson – About committing to personal transformation.
Music often holds the power to reflect the changes you are going through, whether you are aware of it or not. When you hear lyrics that resonate with your experiences, they can offer a sense of connection and understanding. Songs about change often express emotions you may not know how to put into words. Whether you are embracing change or resisting it, you are not alone and the struggle is universal.
Famous Quotes About Change
"Change is the only constant in life." — Heraclitus
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." — Often attributed to Gandhi
"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." — Lao Tzu
"The measure of intelligence is the ability to change." — Albert Einstein
The Truth About Change
Change is complicated. It is not just about willpower or intention; it is about mindset, environment, and consistency. Change usually starts with a catalyst—a moment or event that shifts your perspective. But catalysts alone aren’t enough. True change starts when you are ready to let go of who you were and step into who you can become.
It is also important to recognize when you are chasing change for the wrong reasons because change that sticks comes from within. It does not mean that suggestions from others should be dismissed. Ultimately, the decision to change is yours, but being receptive to feedback can help guide you and the insight of others can serve as a helpful mirror. Permanent change does not happen overnight—it is rarely instant. It is often a gradual process, filled with setbacks, self-reflection, and determination.
Lasting change takes time, patience, and self-compassion. It requires effort, regularity, and, above all, purpose. Change is not a straight line. It is messy, frustrating, and uncomfortable. You will stumble, and you will make mistakes. Do not be too hard on yourself if you struggle to keep the momentum. If your reason for changing is strong enough, you will find your way back to it.
Galatians 4:20
"how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you!"
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