Make a Decision! — A Helpful Guide

As many may know, I have a lot of holes in my memory. I will be making a pro and con list because I have an important decision to make. Recently, while going through my belongings, I found a Sony microcassette tape I do not remember making. I do not even remember owning a microcassette recorder. The tape is labeled “the confrontation with my dad 12/6/93 10:30 pm." I had previously told my mother of the abuse years earlier and received no support. Both of my parents are now deceased. I am debating if I want to listen to the tape. My therapist thinks a pro and con list could help me decide.

I believe writing this post will serve two purposes. First, it allows me to organize my own thoughts as I work through whether or not to listen to the tape. Second, it may provide a useful guide for others facing difficult choices. A pro and con list is not just about writing facts, but it is also about recognizing the emotions tied to each option. In my case, this decision involves more than curiosity, but the potential emotional impact of revisiting a difficult memory. By sharing this process, I hope to show that it is okay to take your time, reflect deeply, and use tools like these to make decisions that feel right for you.

The Purpose of a Pro and Con List

When faced with a tough decision, creating a pro and con list can help you weigh your options clearly. These lists break down the positives and negatives, making complex choices easier to understand. They can also go by other names, such as "advantages and disadvantages," "pluses and minuses," or "upsides and downsides." Regardless of what you call it, the purpose remains the same: to bring clarity to your thoughts.

A pro and con list serves as a visual tool to organize your reasoning. It is particularly helpful when emotions or external pressures cloud your judgment. By categorizing your thoughts, you can step back and assess the situation logically. This method is especially effective when you need to prioritize or when several people are involved in the decision-making process. Later in the post, I will introduce another decision making tactic.

How a List Can Help

• Clarifies Your Thoughts: Writing down your pros and cons forces you to articulate your thoughts. It helps you see the situation more objectively.

• Identifies Patterns: You may notice recurring themes, such as a specific fear or benefit that weighs heavily on your decision.

• Encourages Logical Thinking: Instead of relying on gut instincts or emotion, a pro and con list helps you approach the situation from a rational perspective.

• Provides a Visual Reference: Having your thoughts in front of you allows you to compare and evaluate them side by side.

Questions To Help Create Your List

• Basic Considerations

  • What are the potential benefits of making this decision?

    • Feeling happier, more peaceful, or less stressed.

    • Saving money, earning more, or reducing debt.

    • New relationships, career growth, or personal development.

    • Saving time, simplifying life, or avoiding hassle.

    • Physical or mental health improvements.

    • Helps you move closer to short- or long-term objectives.

    • Learning new skills, gaining confidence, or overcoming fears.

    • Strengthening relationships or improving social connections.

    • Feeling proud or achieving something meaningful.

    • Adding joy or entertainment to your life.

  • What are the possible drawbacks or risks?

    • Increased anxiety, sadness, or frustration.

    • Spending money, risking loss, or missing savings opportunities.

    • Extra time required or delays in other priorities.

    • Increased workload, physical exhaustion, or health risks.

    • Conflict, misunderstandings, or isolation.

    • Unpredictable outcomes or risks of failure.

    • Feeling overwhelmed or pressured to succeed.

    • Going against your principles or personal values.

    • Pushing you further from what you want to achieve.

    • Missing out on other possibilities or better options.

• General Questions

  • How will this decision impact me in the short term?

  • How might this decision affect my long-term goals?

  • What are the practical outcomes of each option?

• Emotional Impact

  • How will this decision make me feel emotionally?

  • Will this decision bring me peace of mind or add stress?

  • Are there any unresolved emotions tied to this decision?

• Social and Relationship Factors

  • How will this choice impact my relationships with others?

  • Will this decision require support from others?

  • Am I comfortable asking for others for support?

  • Does this decision align with advice or feedback from trusted people in my life?

• Practical and Financial Considerations

  • What are the financial implications of this decision?

  • How much time or effort will this choice require?

  • Are there logistical challenges I need to account for?

• Alignment with Values and Goals

  • Does this decision align with my core values?

  • Will this choice help me move closer to my personal or professional goals?

  • Am I prioritizing what truly matters to me?

• Risk and Uncertainty

  • What is the worst-case scenario, and how likely is it?

  • Can I handle the consequences if things do not go as planned?

  • Are there factors I am unsure about, and how can I clarify them?

• Alternatives and Flexibility

  • Are there other options I have not considered yet?

  • If I change my mind later, will I have the opportunity to course-correct?

  • What would happen if I decided not to make a choice at all?

Creating and Analyzing the List

• List the Pros and Cons: Write down all the reasons for and against your decision. The questions aim to trigger thoughts, do not overthink at this stage—just get everything onto the page. You can revisit the questions later to refine your list.

• Assign a Value: For each item, rate its importance on a scale of 1 to 5 (or another scale you find helpful), with 5 being the most significant.

• Compare Similar Points: Look for pros and cons that are directly related. For example, if a pro is "extra pay" and a con is "extra work," consider how much the benefit of additional finances outweighs the drawback of additional effort.

• Tally the Scores: Add up the scores for both columns. This gives you a rough numerical guide to which side is stronger. Are there more pros than cons, or do the cons feel heavier despite their smaller number?

• Review for Intangibles: Look beyond the numbers. Consider how each item aligns with your emotions, values, or long-term goals. Some points might not be easy to quantify but still matter greatly. Factors, like peace of mind or personal fulfillment, may not have a clear weight but can still influence your decision significantly.

• Reflect: Step back and think about how the list feels to you. Are the items based on fact, opinion, or fear? Do the scores match what your intuition is telling you? Revisit the questions above to dig deeper into your thoughts. This approach encourages you to think more about each point, making your list more thorough and helpful.

Breaking it down this way can make the process feel more manageable and less overwhelming. This process is a guide, not a strict rule

Additional Considerations

• Alternative Names: If "pros and cons" does not resonate with you, consider using "benefits and drawbacks," "reasons for and against," or "strengths and weaknesses."

• Expand the Format: For more complex decisions, create subcategories within each section. For example, under "pros," you might include financial, emotional, and social benefits and under "cons" negative impact, emotional and financial cost.

• Consult Others: Share your list with a trusted friend or advisor for additional perspectives. Often an outside source can see things more objectively.

• Revisit the List: Decisions may evolve over time. Reassess your list periodically to ensure it reflects your current priorities.

By taking the time to create and analyze a pro and con list, you empower yourself to make informed and confident decisions. As an Executive Customer Relations (ECR) representative for Amazon, I learned a technique for decision making called the "Two-Way Door vs. One-Way Door" framework. It is a simple yet powerful mental model that can be applied beyond business—like personal decisions or even creative projects.

Overview of the Concept

Two-Way Doors: These are reversible decisions. If the outcome is not what you hoped, you can go back and try another approach. These decisions can often be made quickly because the risk is low, and the impact is temporary.

One-Way Doors: These are irreversible or difficult-to-reverse decisions. Once you step through, you cannot easily undo the decision. These decisions require more careful thought and planning because the stakes are higher.

Application: When facing a decision, ask yourself: Is this a one-way door or a two-way door? If it is a two-way door, decide quickly and take action. If it is a one-way door, take your time to weigh the pros and cons, gather information, and plan. This framework helps prioritize decision-making effort, focusing energy on what matters most while avoiding unnecessary analysis paralysis for reversible choices.

A Path to Peace or a Road to Regret

Deciding whether to listen to the tape feels like stepping through a one-way door because of the emotional risks involved. Once I hear what is on it, I cannot unhear it, and the impact could be significant. That is why I need to carefully think through every factor, making my pro and con list an essential step in this process. Instead of using the boring Pro and Con headings, I decided on Peaceful Healing and Painful Regret.

As I started to create my table, I realized quickly that the uncertainty of what is on the tape complicates the process of creating my list. If my father’s words are a confession, I might feel a sense of satisfaction or closure, which would belong on the peaceful healing side. However, if the tape contains a denial, that same outcome could lead to frustration or disappointment, placing dissatisfaction firmly on the painful regret side.

This makes it difficult to predict how I will feel and adds a layer of complexity to my decision. It is a conundrum that reminds me of how fragile emotional risks can be when faced with the unknown. I need to ask myself if I am ready to face what I might hear, regardless of what is said. I should create one list for a confession and one for a denial. This may help me mentally prepare for either outcome and clarify how I might feel in each case. Now, I am reconsidering my headings to avoid confusion in my mind.

To Be Continued (Maybe)

1 Corinthians 14:40

"But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way."