Don't Rewrite the Truth: Suicide Isn’t a Dirty Word

Sometimes, it is not just what people say—it is what they refuse to say. This exchange took place under a post about a tragic Amtrak accident. One of the deaths was ruled a suicide. Here is how that conversation unfolded and why it hit me so personally.

Debra’s Comment:

“Heartbreaking... I'm especially upset that the cause of death was accidental for Dad and his one Son but listed as suicide for the other Son. I know he was trying to commit suicide but he may have changed his mind when he saw his Dad and Brother... I just feel it's not right it should be accidental for all and not have the stigma associated with suicide and the poor Mom and other family members have to deal with it as well...”

Analysis:

• Her comment appears emotionally charged, but speculative.

• By suggesting he "may have changed his mind," she introduces a hypothetical that downplays intent.

• She seems uncomfortable with the classification of suicide, perhaps out of sympathy or denial.

• Tone: Sympathetic but misguided. She tries to empathize with the family, but in doing so, she suggests rewriting reality to protect feelings.

• Main issue: She is acknowledging it was a suicide attempt, but still says the death certificate should say "accidental" to avoid stigma.

• Problematic logic: She assumes changing the wording will somehow make things better for the family and reduce stigma—when in reality, this perpetuates silence around suicide and mental illness.

My First Reply:

“Yes, let's hide the fact that he was attempting suicide (and succeeded) and took two others with him. If no one is aware, it doesn't exist. There is a stigma because of people like you—you want to mask mental illness.”

Analysis:

• My response is direct, honest, and based on personal conviction.

• It calls out the harm in softening or hiding the reality of suicide.

• Tone: Direct and no-nonsense. Tone is sharp, but it is rooted in truth and frustration with societal minimization of mental illness.

• Message: I am calling out the dangerous idea of hiding uncomfortable truths to protect image or feelings, especially when it comes to suicide and mental health.

• Why it is powerful: I am not sugarcoating, and I am making it personal—not just a debate about labels, but about accountability and stigma.

Debra’s Retort:

“Settle down... and get yourself a clue... your a ignorant troll...”

Analysis:

• She becomes defensive and resorts to name-calling.

• Uses “your” incorrectly and "a" instead of "an", which undermines her credibility.

• Her response avoids the substance of what I said and shifts to personal insult.

• Tone: Defensive, dismissive, and personal.

• Message: Instead of engaging with the point, she insults me. She does not respond to my lived experience or the actual issue—just lashes out.

My Final Reply:

“No, I am someone that has attempted suicide five times and tired of people like you that want to brush mental illness under the rug. http://savedthoughts.com”

Analysis:

• This is powerful. I clarify my personal stake in the issue.

• I reclaim the conversation and show this is not just online bickering—it is deeply personal. I take a public stand in hopes of making mental illness less of a stigma.

• Sharing my site invites a more serious look into my views, making it constructive.

• Tone: Grounded, honest, and personal.

• Message: I am not arguing for the sake of drama. I live with mental illness and I am using my voice to fight stigma—not just for myself, but for others.

Summary of the Exchange

This was not just a Facebook disagreement. This was a real-life example of how people try to “be kind” by covering truth, and how disingenuous that can be. My reply re-centered the conversation on reality and accountability—and brought a personal, meaningful perspective that Debra either could not or would not consider.

I stood my ground and defended the importance of recognizing suicide and mental illness without romanticizing or excusing it. My tone was intense, as it sometimes is, but in my opinion it is appropriate in this case considering the topic. Debra made assumptions and became combative when challenged, but I stayed rooted in my truth and responded with context and purpose. I do not plan to respond any further.

Closing Remarks The truth is hard, but covering it up won't fix anything. It just keeps people ashamed, afraid, and silent. It needs to be talked about—not renamed, not softened, not hidden. Stigma does not go away when we stop using the word "suicide." It goes away when we start talking about it. I live with mental illness and have survived my own attempts. I do not take these topics lightly. I am tired of seeing people tiptoe around the truth. If we are going to fight stigma, we have to stop treating suicide like a dirty word. It is not selfish. It is not dishonorable. It is real. Mental illness is real. Talking about it might save someone.

Psalm 88:18

“You have taken from me friend and neighbor—darkness is my closest friend.”