The Impact of Mass Violence

Tragedy and My Personal Connection

I have had a difficult week. Among other things, there was another shooting at a school in Tennessee. I have been reflecting on all of the mass killings that I have a personal connection to, and I decided to write about them to help me sort out my thoughts. Although I am acknowledging that I was not physically present at any of these incidences, I am still deeply affected. In addition to working through my own emotions, I feel a heavy sense of empathy for those who were involved, and I pray they will receive the support they need to process everything happening in their lives.

Post-traumatic stress is real, and it can affect you in ways you cannot imagine. Even if you feel fine at the moment, it can manifest years later. I do not know the full extent of how these tragedies have changed me, but they keep piling up, and it is becoming harder for me to want to feel anything at all. When you have stress from multiple traumas, people often do not understand the impact, and many do not care. I am often left to manage the emotions on my own—sometimes my emotions were suppressed.

Although therapy is helpful, it does not replace talking to a friend amidst these circumstances. However, when I reach out for support and compassion, but instead receive a flippant response, it forces me to contemplate why I want these people in my life. It only adds to what is already weighing me down—compounding what is churning inside. Encasing my heart in stone to escape feeling the bad will come at the price of missing out on the good, but will avoid an explosion caused by contents under pressure.

For me, it is difficult to write a post that doesn't include my life story because there were so many other factors affecting me other than the words on this page. This post is meant to share and reconcile this one aspect of my life and possibly help others dealing with unresolved trauma. I will give a narrative about my perceived connection to an incident, as well as a brief description of the incident itself. I will try to avoid tangents.

Going Postal - US Postal Service

I started working for the US Postal Service in April of 1986. I studied and practiced for the exam and was really excited when I qualified for the position. Over the next four years there would be three mass shootings including one in a town where my aunt used to live. The postal shootings were becoming more frequent, and based on my own experiences working at the Postal Service and the workplace tensions I had witnessed, I could understand why the shootings happened and they were relatable. However, that does not mean I condoned the actions of the criminal or saw them as justified.

When my infant son became very ill and hospitalized in early 1990, along with the environment at the Jackson MS General Mail Facility (GMF), I was at a breaking point and not seeing any way through what I was experiencing, I resigned. I wasn't aware of the impact that these killings were having on my psyche at the time, as I was dealing with so much more in my life. I wish I would have taken advantage of the counseling that was offered at the time of each tragedy, but I was already suffering from anxiety that kept me from advocating for myself, and no one else thought to step in to help.

Edmond, Oklahoma Postal Shooting (August 20, 1986) A postal worker opened fire at the Edmond Post Office, killing 14 coworkers and injuring six others before taking his own life. This incident was one of the first in a series of workplace shootings within the U.S. Postal Service, eventually leading to the term “going postal.”
New Orleans, Louisiana Postal Shooting (December 14, 1988) A disgruntled postal employee entered the New Orleans Post Office and shot his supervisor, killing her, before turning the gun on himself. This tragedy was part of a string of violent incidents involving postal workers during the late 1980s.
Escondido, California Postal Shooting (August 10, 1989) A postal worker killed his supervisor and wounded two coworkers at a post office in Escondido, California, before fleeing the scene. The shooter was later captured and sentenced to prison.

A School Shooting and My Oldest Child

This connection also starts in 1986 although the shooting happened years later. I started working for the Postal Service, got married, and bought a house. Our initial town of choice was Pearl Mississippi. The school system was shown to be one of the best in the area, and the town was a reasonable commute to both of our workplaces. After many showings, we found a house we loved,, and put in an offer. Unfortunately, or fortunately, we could not get FHA financing due to the house not having a back door.

We subsequently found a nice property with acreage in a town further away, but had we purchased that house, my oldest son likely would have been a sophomore at the school when the shooting occurred. I strongly believe we would not have left Mississippi five years later, if we would have purchased the house in Pearl. Even though my oldest son was still in harm's way and was traumatized during 1997, it was not at the hands of an unstable teenager. Perhaps this is an example of an unanswered prayer and of destiny.

Pearl High School Shooting, Mississippi (October 1, 1997) A 16-year-old student killed his mother at home before driving to Pearl High School, where he opened fire. Two students were killed, and seven others were injured. The shooter was subdued by the assistant principal, who retrieved his own firearm from his car.

A Serial Killer and My Teammate and Neighbor

By 1997, I was living in a suburb of Nashville. My oldest son was being kept against my will in NY, and I was doing my best I could with my two youngest sons. I played softball through a church team, and Sarah and I were teammates and next door neighbors. I played on 3rd base, and Sarah was an amazing shortstop, always encouraging and helpful—especially since my lack of depth perception made fly balls difficult to navigate.

We had lived in our house for nearly three years, and Sarah was an active teenager involved in church, sports and a job, yet she still found time to babysit my children on occasion. A few weeks before her 17th birthday in 1997, Sarah, along with her boss Steve, were murdered by a serial killer. I found it extremely difficult to process, and I started a website on AOL to help find her killer.

The support I got from Sarah's family, my friend Carrie, as well as strangers across the country really helped me through this time. This was a hard time for everyone in our community knowing a killer was on the loose. Several more murders would occur at two other fast food restaurants before the killer was captured. I was traumatized from these tragic events for sure, and I tried to stay busy to help me cope, but I was dealing with more than what was on the surface, and it would eventually take its toll.

Fast Food Murders, Nashville/Hermitage/Clarksville (February - April 1997) A killer committed a series of murders targeting employees of fast-food restaurants. Among the incidents were killings at Captain D’s, McDonald’s, and Baskin Robbins where a total of seven people lost their lives and another seriously injured. The serial killer was eventually convicted and sentenced to death.

Shootings and My Old Neighborhood

These next two shootings happened within a mile of where I used to live. In 2005, after my husband retired, we had to give up our house and move. We found a nice house, but it wound up only being available for a year, so we had to move again. With my two youngest both being in high school, there were a lot of considerations where to move. We found another really nice property, and things were going well—until they weren't. Travis, my middle son, started having seizures and the frequency was steadily increasing into 2006. I was enrolled at Tennessee State University with graduation expected at the end of the year. During the summer, I was chosen as an intern at the Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research (ICPSR) in Michigan for 10 weeks. By September, Travis was having seizures several times a week, and I had to make a decision to withdraw from my studies. In addition, the property we were living at was being sold to a commercial developer, and we had to move, again.

Not only did the following shootings occur in close proximity to our old address, I resonate with each place, a church and waffle house, for a different reason. In the early days of cell phones, my husband would often laugh at me when I told him I needed my phone in church. I would not use it, but I wanted to be prepared in case of an actual emergency. When I worked for the tree service, we would eat at waffle house most days. It is difficult to understand why these shootings have affected me even though I wasn't living there at the time—it really shows me that my life can end anywhere. It also reinforces in me that God always has my best interest in mind.

Burnette Chapel Church Shooting, Antioch, Tennessee (September 24, 2017) A gunman entered the Burnette Chapel Church of Christ during Sunday services, killing one woman in the parking lot and injuring seven others inside. The shooter was stopped by a churchgoer who tackled him despite being injured in the attack.
Waffle House Shooting, Antioch, Tennessee (April 22, 2018) A gunman armed with an assault-style rifle entered a Waffle House and killed four people while injuring two others. A customer, James Shaw Jr., tackled and disarmed the shooter, preventing further casualties.

A School Shooting and My Youngest Child

Starting in 2003, I became a substitute teacher in Nashville and continued employment in Tennessee until 2015, but continued as a substitute in Florida beginning in 2014. It turns out that the shooter went to the same high school as my youngest son, and it is likely I had this killer in some of the classes I taught throughout the years. In addition, one of the victims of this shooting was a 61 year old substitute teacher, my same age at the time of this tragedy.

I had been considering applying to be a substitute again in my new county, but this shooting definitely caused me a lot of concern and delayed my decision to apply by a year. Many of the schools in Florida have outdoor corridors and classroom doors whereas in Tennessee the classrooms, including the hallways, are self contained inside the building. From a safety standpoint, it was always a concern for me, but I tried not to let anxiety take over. This shooting just shows the setup of the school does not matter, a killer will gain entry regardless of indoor or outdoor entry or any security measures.

Covenant School Shooting, Nashville, Tennessee (March 27, 2023) A shooter entered the Covenant School, a private Christian elementary school, and killed six people, including three children. The shooter was later confronted and killed by law enforcement officers.

A School Shooting and My Middle Child

The most recent school shooting happened this past week. It is on the same street where we lived and in the same neighborhood as the church and waffle house, and also where my middle son graduated. I have been in and around that school hundreds of times. I recently told my doctor that I gave up on the idea of becoming a substitute after failing the drug test even though I have a medical card. This latest shooting really drives home the point that I do not need the added anxiety of teaching in my life.

I texted my youngest son as soon as I saw the report. At the time of this shooting, my son happened to be at a home in this school district for his job, and they have a teenager that attends Antioch High, but he was home sick. How fortunate for him. As a parent, it would be difficult sending my child back to school after this tragic event. You have to be prepared to leave this world at any time, but you cannot live in fear.

I have a beautiful scrapbook that my son made under the direction of a teacher at this school. I see it daily, and often think of how grateful I am for this wonderful teacher. Not only was this a year long assignment, it is amazing that my son was able to complete it given he missed a lot of days due to his seizures. Considering I would lose my son five years after graduation, this memory book is a gift I could not have anticipated. After my son's death, I went to the school and thanked the teacher for this meaningful keepsake.

Antioch High School Shooting, Tennessee (January 22, 2025) A student opened fire in the cafeteria of Antioch High School, wounding two students before turning the gun on himself. The school was placed on lockdown, and authorities responded swiftly to secure the scene. While the details of the incident are still emerging, it has added to the growing list of violent incidents in schools across the country.

Conclusion

There are so many killings throughout the world, and I am thankful that my personal connection to these killings are not based on first hand involvement, but more linked by circumstance. I am sure the impact on me could be perceived as minimal compared to losing a family member, witnessing a shooting or even being at the location at the time of the killing. However, these shootings have affected me and are involuntarily stored in my memory along with so many other negative memories.

One of the most difficult and significant losses from my last relationship is when he spoke of his memories, they began to inadvertently stir up my own good memories—memories that are rare for me. Having the experience of jarring my memory in a good way, only to be lost again, is especially painful. Writing this post has really made me understand that we view our breakup so differently, and my loss is not only that I lost him, but I lost what he was helping me find within myself.

Therapy today also gave me insight on how memories are stored, and maybe I just need to change my filing system. This has been a great breakthrough. I hope now that I have written about these tragic events, I can separate them from any good memories that are related—storing these tragedies in their own little area of my brain away from the positive memories that have been overshadowed by darkness from the world.

Psalm 18:28

You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.